冲。。 Msia 第一。。 不过还是差 ２０千的分数。。
看来明天要早早１０点就去跑了。。
到了回家时，不愉快的事发生。。
想找个人来讲，可是到头来，吵架。
那时的心差点哭了出来，可是硬吞下那股气和忍下来，不让那些事会让我后悔的事在发生。。
真的很诱惑，有人说不开心说了出来会舒服，为什么我感不到反而使更加的烦？
有些话说得对，自己的痛，没人会懂，其实根本没有感同深受这回事，针不刺到别人身上，他们就不知道有多痛。
是吗？我自己也不知道。。
不过自己现在才发现，本身缺乏了爱和关怀。
在家，得不到那种的爱。
不如就承认，我没有那么坚强，只是想被温暖抱一下。。
有时在想，自己对朋友都不错，为什么一个真心的朋友是那么难找。
可能每个人有他们的生活，本身的自私还是我自己的态度有问题？
我不骗，不偷，不抢。。为了身边的人，不顾一切的去帮。。
可是到后来，得到的是自己委屈。。
虽然我比很多人幸福，就因为我有物质上的爱。。
可是他们知不知道，我是多么的那么想要一个温暖的家，温暖的关怀。。
每天，回到家都是自己一个人在房间，或是看不到父母。。
有时尝试去和父母沟通。。可是他们只说 hmm, ah, oh... 或者就是讲我这个讲我那个， 如果。。。
如果我真的错，我接受。 可是为什么都是说我些无谓的事情？
人与人，不管是家人还是朋友，最重要的还是沟通。
多沟通，会减少误会。
沟通时，冷静下来，好好的听完才发言。。
看到很多人多数都会在沟通的是吵架。。
如果大家心平气和的聊天， 那么就不伤感情了阿。
真的很想怪上天为什么要让我每次都被朋友伤害。
一次又一次。。 每年都会发生。。
是我太注重朋友还是。。。。。
不过，拥有几个真心朋友比找一大堆朋友要更重要。。
可是就是很不想和那几个真心朋友翻脸，有时都压制着自己的真真感想和感觉。。
人家说， easy come, easy go。。
一向来我都不信。。可是自己亲身体验过，不得不信。。
现在才知道，原来要坚强，真的很累很累。。
自己的伤心，自己知。。 自己啃。。
我想要的不过是一个不管多难却始终都会在我身边的人。不管是家人还是朋友。。
只想要任性的需要人来陪伴。。
如果我想别人那么自私，不顾别人的感受那么几好。。这样就能独来独往。
看到人说：需要什么感受,讨厌什么事情,你告诉别人,别人才会懂 ＊
真的吗？如果告诉了，变成了一个挽不回的下场，谁来负责？
说好的永远，不知怎么就散了，感情原来是这么脆弱的。。
或许说，每个人都怕被伤害，被伤害了一次又一次。。
心中的那个守护墙也渐渐的驱动。。
看了Jay Chou 的新歌mv , 明白了不要等到世界末日才来珍惜身边的人。。
自己想了想， 如果明天是世界末日，我会做什么。。
原来我第一个想到的是朋友。。 后家人。。
搞不明白为什么会这样。。
原本很期待两天后的到来。 不知道为什么，感觉被泼冷水。。 每有那个心出去庆祝。。
是时候休息吃饭了。。
正正２４小时多没吃到。。
Day 59
Count Down 2 Days
Friday, December 30, 2011
- 28 December 2011 Wednesday
很快的就到了２８号。
还有三天。。
希望自己的心情可以好好开心的度过最后的这几天。。
不想新的一年是那么不开心的。。
发现了一样东西。。
是去年我和vivi 一起庆祝 xmas eve 的东西。。
看会了她在哪儿写了很多关于我们的事。。
心里有种很心酸的感觉。。
还有三天。。
希望自己的心情可以好好开心的度过最后的这几天。。
不想新的一年是那么不开心的。。
发现了一样东西。。
是去年我和vivi 一起庆祝 xmas eve 的东西。。
看会了她在哪儿写了很多关于我们的事。。
心里有种很心酸的感觉。。
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
-27 December 2011 Tuesday
O.O'' cant sleep last night, 7am++ only sleep ...
some more watch dragon ball GT until drop tears ...
Somehow, i don't really understand why should make lies to family members.
Some more the eldest one asking me to make lies to everyone.
Even i did the lie, the fact was there and it' wont be changed.
There's always a way to find out the truth.
Look at disappointed face of my niece, i feel sad.
Why have to break their promise just because of you 做贼心虚。 dumbass
Totally made me pissed off and got no mood to eat my lunch.. Full already .
What i hope just a lovely caring family.
People always said im rich, do i really look rich?
Even though im rich, that's not my money.
Even rich, do you think i have a lovely family?
I admit that can see out i treat friends good than family,
but do you all know how much i love my family?
I'm too love my family that's why i cant look at them always quarrel.
already a bad mood whole afternoon for me .
worry people also tiok k.
ask for attention for discussion, in the end im the one who keep on typing there..
felt like im so stupid to put down all my work and discuss for it.
fucking bad mood.
hope that im not PMS today =.=''
later those sis came back again. sienz ...
hope tonight i can really sleep..
but i dont think so.. already insomia 3 nights...
and almost year end... i ... afraid ... haizz...
Day 57
Count down 4 days
some more watch dragon ball GT until drop tears ...
Somehow, i don't really understand why should make lies to family members.
Some more the eldest one asking me to make lies to everyone.
Even i did the lie, the fact was there and it' wont be changed.
There's always a way to find out the truth.
Look at disappointed face of my niece, i feel sad.
Why have to break their promise just because of you 做贼心虚。 dumbass
Totally made me pissed off and got no mood to eat my lunch.. Full already .
What i hope just a lovely caring family.
People always said im rich, do i really look rich?
Even though im rich, that's not my money.
Even rich, do you think i have a lovely family?
I admit that can see out i treat friends good than family,
but do you all know how much i love my family?
I'm too love my family that's why i cant look at them always quarrel.
already a bad mood whole afternoon for me .
worry people also tiok k.
ask for attention for discussion, in the end im the one who keep on typing there..
felt like im so stupid to put down all my work and discuss for it.
fucking bad mood.
hope that im not PMS today =.=''
later those sis came back again. sienz ...
hope tonight i can really sleep..
but i dont think so.. already insomia 3 nights...
and almost year end... i ... afraid ... haizz...
Day 57
Count down 4 days
Monday, December 26, 2011
- 26 December 2011 Monday
Congratulation to Jimmy ..
Got world ranking for Sadamine event No.15 and Top.1 in Malaysia..
And my hand is ... out of energy =.='' pain
Slept for 5-6 hours then wake up ..
And my sis called me up scold me why i told other sis about dad bought ipad for jojo... But the first day we plan to buy , they already know ..
WTH to this family members?
So wish someone will be in Msia so that i can find him to 诉苦。。
Got world ranking for Sadamine event No.15 and Top.1 in Malaysia..
And my hand is ... out of energy =.='' pain
Slept for 5-6 hours then wake up ..
And my sis called me up scold me why i told other sis about dad bought ipad for jojo... But the first day we plan to buy , they already know ..
WTH to this family members?
So wish someone will be in Msia so that i can find him to 诉苦。。
- 25 December 2011 Sunday
EVENT !~!~!~~~ ...
Initial D event ....
seem like my skills gone to Master+
Every opponent i met, with rainbow aura =.='' all gayness insane japanese players..
so, spend rm10 for the event and rm8 for instore battle to make video clip...
Then Jimmy wanna push his event score to malaysia top1,
we switch together to play for the event and i played for free...
which means... i was sitting there play for them from 5pm++ until 8pm++ =.=''
my shoulder / hand was so pain ..
When drive home, my leg was shaking non stop there =.=''
Reach home around 9pm...
haven't take my dinner yet and so hungry + tired there..
Well... tiring make me felt emo..
make me think of something make me down...
looking for someone tabao for me .. and yamateh she tabao dinner for me lolx.. tqtq
going to sleep around 2am+ and saw nigel's fb was so emo ..
start to chat with him... haizz, wan pity him or what i also dono..
everything he suffer also got his excuse..
always said that he's lonely, no friends... then why im wasting my time to talk to him?
i also felt lonely and i don't speak it out also ar..
im so pek cek tonight and also bad mood, i wish to find someone to talk to...
atleast nigel im still chatting with you.. willing to listen what you wanna share.
talk to him until 5am++ and i cant stand anymore.. too tired... and sleepy..
Don't understand why did i cry before i sleep.. only know i felt sad.. haiz...
stupid needle stick in my heart.. siennnaa
Day 55
Count Down 6 Days
Initial D event ....
seem like my skills gone to Master+
Every opponent i met, with rainbow aura =.='' all gayness insane japanese players..
so, spend rm10 for the event and rm8 for instore battle to make video clip...
Then Jimmy wanna push his event score to malaysia top1,
we switch together to play for the event and i played for free...
which means... i was sitting there play for them from 5pm++ until 8pm++ =.=''
my shoulder / hand was so pain ..
When drive home, my leg was shaking non stop there =.=''
Reach home around 9pm...
haven't take my dinner yet and so hungry + tired there..
Well... tiring make me felt emo..
make me think of something make me down...
looking for someone tabao for me .. and yamateh she tabao dinner for me lolx.. tqtq
going to sleep around 2am+ and saw nigel's fb was so emo ..
start to chat with him... haizz, wan pity him or what i also dono..
everything he suffer also got his excuse..
always said that he's lonely, no friends... then why im wasting my time to talk to him?
i also felt lonely and i don't speak it out also ar..
im so pek cek tonight and also bad mood, i wish to find someone to talk to...
atleast nigel im still chatting with you.. willing to listen what you wanna share.
talk to him until 5am++ and i cant stand anymore.. too tired... and sleepy..
Don't understand why did i cry before i sleep.. only know i felt sad.. haiz...
stupid needle stick in my heart.. siennnaa
Day 55
Count Down 6 Days
Saturday, December 24, 2011
- 24 December 2011 Saturday
Having a bored xmas eve i ever been ..
but outside seem gonna be rain .. the sky are so red... strong wind ..
well..
xmas wor.. anyone got wish for their xmas?
hehe i wan be greedy a bit this year because this is my first time to make a wish on xmas..
I wish i can be more tough and become a professional business man..
I wish everyone around me are happy and enjoy their life..
I wish Jun can control his hot temper .. slowly .. slowly.. and his dream come true.
I wish raymond and rocky didi can have good result there..
Forgive and forget, NOT revenge and regret .
I wish him, hmm... have a good life style and health.. not to sleep so late.. take care ..
two thing make me so sad today is..
i can't celebrate xmas eve with you all ..
and reading back the chat logs between me n him..
make me remind of my harddisk..
haiz... no more liao.. 2nd shop also said their factory also failed to recover it..
may be wish myself can have a new n fresh opening with him again next year ^^ cheer ...
EVERYONE.. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Day 54
Count down 7 days
but outside seem gonna be rain .. the sky are so red... strong wind ..
well..
xmas wor.. anyone got wish for their xmas?
hehe i wan be greedy a bit this year because this is my first time to make a wish on xmas..
I wish i can be more tough and become a professional business man..
I wish everyone around me are happy and enjoy their life..
I wish Jun can control his hot temper .. slowly .. slowly.. and his dream come true.
I wish raymond and rocky didi can have good result there..
Forgive and forget, NOT revenge and regret .
I wish him, hmm... have a good life style and health.. not to sleep so late.. take care ..
two thing make me so sad today is..
i can't celebrate xmas eve with you all ..
and reading back the chat logs between me n him..
make me remind of my harddisk..
haiz... no more liao.. 2nd shop also said their factory also failed to recover it..
may be wish myself can have a new n fresh opening with him again next year ^^ cheer ...
EVERYONE.. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Day 54
Count down 7 days
- 23 December 2011 Friday
I really love my dad.
He's going to KL with sis today.
But he did full tank petrol every car in the house.
I'm thinking my dad are so care about family.
Before he go for travel also help us prepare everything..
He know my sis financial a bit problem, he also bank in for her every months..
Always gave us what we wants, what we needs...
I hope when i grow up, and become a father.. i want be like my dad..
Love family members.. take care of everything..
I guess it might be very stress but it's my responsible.
Suddenly think of my 3rd sis knock my door last night before i sleep..
she come and ask me... kia, lets go down smoke .. =.=''
i was very shock when i heard this.. and i reply ok . kia =.='' zha dou ..
Small lui told me that yamateh cannot go to penang tomorrow because want to clean the house ..
im like omfg . aeroplane ...
i rejected three groups of friends that invite me for xmas celebration and now .. kena aeroplane ......
sienz.. in the end i decided to stay at house accompany my mom since dad went to KL..
8.30pm went bowling with sotong and met a new friend ..
seem like i need a personal ball next year, because got kaki play bowling with me already ...
after bowling, around 10.45pm ..
went to Ntech meet dolphinZai since he came back from kampar i havent meet him yet and also busy until cannot meet him..
we played dota until 1.45am...
reach home at 2am ..
and ate my supper.. chicken rice ^^ haha chicken rice again.. my dinner also chicken rice..
something surprise me tonight is, i saw him online on fb and he shared chrupchrup page... that page is melissa asked me to help her to open the link because she can earn money from there..
i try to pm him for chat about that, he reply me =.=''
and we had a short chat and i plan to sleep edi..
but in the end im too happy until can't sleep
around 3am.. skype with ling wei ..
the girl that same name with me ...
she share me that she got a really good friends that care for her so much..
share me how is her birthday and her travel trip to .. erm.. donno what's that place name .. lolx...
i also told her, there's a group of friends carry me up .. cheer me up .. care me.. love me .. worry me..
especially my brother - raymond. having final year in UTM but still worry how am i recently ...
and also Jun, he and his mom care about my health so much .. look like my half mother ^^
his mom same age with my mom ... and i can see my mom from jun's mother..
hmm.. i promise jun to assemble his gunpla very nice as his xmas present..
well, don't know i can do it or not since my skills wasn't so good .
He's going to KL with sis today.
But he did full tank petrol every car in the house.
I'm thinking my dad are so care about family.
Before he go for travel also help us prepare everything..
He know my sis financial a bit problem, he also bank in for her every months..
Always gave us what we wants, what we needs...
I hope when i grow up, and become a father.. i want be like my dad..
Love family members.. take care of everything..
I guess it might be very stress but it's my responsible.
Suddenly think of my 3rd sis knock my door last night before i sleep..
she come and ask me... kia, lets go down smoke .. =.=''
i was very shock when i heard this.. and i reply ok . kia =.='' zha dou ..
Small lui told me that yamateh cannot go to penang tomorrow because want to clean the house ..
im like omfg . aeroplane ...
i rejected three groups of friends that invite me for xmas celebration and now .. kena aeroplane ......
sienz.. in the end i decided to stay at house accompany my mom since dad went to KL..
8.30pm went bowling with sotong and met a new friend ..
seem like i need a personal ball next year, because got kaki play bowling with me already ...
after bowling, around 10.45pm ..
went to Ntech meet dolphinZai since he came back from kampar i havent meet him yet and also busy until cannot meet him..
we played dota until 1.45am...
reach home at 2am ..
and ate my supper.. chicken rice ^^ haha chicken rice again.. my dinner also chicken rice..
something surprise me tonight is, i saw him online on fb and he shared chrupchrup page... that page is melissa asked me to help her to open the link because she can earn money from there..
i try to pm him for chat about that, he reply me =.=''
and we had a short chat and i plan to sleep edi..
but in the end im too happy until can't sleep
around 3am.. skype with ling wei ..
the girl that same name with me ...
she share me that she got a really good friends that care for her so much..
share me how is her birthday and her travel trip to .. erm.. donno what's that place name .. lolx...
i also told her, there's a group of friends carry me up .. cheer me up .. care me.. love me .. worry me..
especially my brother - raymond. having final year in UTM but still worry how am i recently ...
and also Jun, he and his mom care about my health so much .. look like my half mother ^^
his mom same age with my mom ... and i can see my mom from jun's mother..
hmm.. i promise jun to assemble his gunpla very nice as his xmas present..
well, don't know i can do it or not since my skills wasn't so good .
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
- fresh day ~
after emo for yesterday..
today woke up with a fresh mind when i saw someone's message ..
and make me feel that, at least im not alone..
a new day with fresh mind without any emo thing..
ate two pack chicken rice.. one big one small as my lunch.. ^^
full full and make me no emo le..
and continue watch tutorial about internet marketing in office..
cause nothing do there =.=''
so try to learn new thing to know more business market..
at night, went to village mall... train my initial d..
cause my friend said that he broke my no1 ranking in store record..
haha... create FT-86 6gear car.. in 5 games, i took back my ranking edi..
although it's my first time to use that car..
after initial d...
i remind what raymond told me...
he told me last time, next time if you argue/or any problem happen between friends..
try to think of their good to you ... this sentence, make me more confident to trust my friends around me..
but trust is trust... after reaching home, i found out that, i still been left out.. haizz..
so i tell my self, whatever la... it will be past .. forget it..
this is what they choose...
i am who i am... they wont affect me ...
because i want be tough, if i cant even take good care of myself,
i not qualified to take care of others..
updating my blog and skype with my didi-puppyzai and hawkzai ..
siennaaa... listen to their mouse click but cant join them for dota..
hope the nightmare i dream just now, wont happen..
because i don't think i can take the hurt again of seeing someone that you care leaving you again..
-----------------------------------------------------------------
bro, xmas coming.. any plan for you?
i wanted to invite you to join me for xmas eve and new year eve..
but, don't know how to speak it out to you..
anyway.. hope you got a nice day for it.. chills..
take care yourself and good nights..
day 51
today woke up with a fresh mind when i saw someone's message ..
and make me feel that, at least im not alone..
a new day with fresh mind without any emo thing..
ate two pack chicken rice.. one big one small as my lunch.. ^^
full full and make me no emo le..
and continue watch tutorial about internet marketing in office..
cause nothing do there =.=''
so try to learn new thing to know more business market..
at night, went to village mall... train my initial d..
cause my friend said that he broke my no1 ranking in store record..
haha... create FT-86 6gear car.. in 5 games, i took back my ranking edi..
although it's my first time to use that car..
after initial d...
i remind what raymond told me...
he told me last time, next time if you argue/or any problem happen between friends..
try to think of their good to you ... this sentence, make me more confident to trust my friends around me..
but trust is trust... after reaching home, i found out that, i still been left out.. haizz..
so i tell my self, whatever la... it will be past .. forget it..
this is what they choose...
i am who i am... they wont affect me ...
because i want be tough, if i cant even take good care of myself,
i not qualified to take care of others..
updating my blog and skype with my didi-puppyzai and hawkzai ..
siennaaa... listen to their mouse click but cant join them for dota..
hope the nightmare i dream just now, wont happen..
because i don't think i can take the hurt again of seeing someone that you care leaving you again..
-----------------------------------------------------------------
bro, xmas coming.. any plan for you?
i wanted to invite you to join me for xmas eve and new year eve..
but, don't know how to speak it out to you..
anyway.. hope you got a nice day for it.. chills..
take care yourself and good nights..
day 51
- 20 December 2011 Tuesday
What a fucking emo day for me..
the feeling of fear , phobia , suspect , depress are make me so hard to breath and stand ..
the weak of me had come out and it's took me a very long time to fight back..
my mind are full of negative thinking...
i keep on cheer myself up...
telling myself just that im think too much ~ ~
but in the end i cant stand for it...
i talk to jun with a broken heart..
although i ask him to help me up.. but i know, i still have to help myself and more depend on myself..
i hate emo, because once i emo.. i will be very very emo.
Took my lunch around 4-5pm+... eat cintan mee..
and wait for dinner..
got to meet up my primary school friend..
we talked a lot of our childhood..
how we making fun in d school..
our pj class... our english teacher..
class celebration party ...
naughty thing that we made..
when we was small kid, we know to play beyblade, wau , congkang congkit, bak kuli.
talk about how innocent and naive when we small...
but didnt take my dinner with them.. still moody ..
and then we discuss for our class party on coming cny ..
sometime i am like this... 我从不喜欢让别人看见我的眼泪，我宁可让别人觉得我快乐的没心没肺，也不愿让自己看起来委屈可怜。 because it's make me become more tough ..
although it's sound like lying to myself but it's the way to be tough..
i want to hide my emotion because i know 不是每个人，都适合和你白头到老。..
i insist to believe in him because 有的人，是拿来一辈子怀念的..
when you need someone, im always right there;
but when i need someone beside me or talk to me, i can't find any of them..
this make me realise that, i still have to depend on myself.. be tough..
was so down and insomia...
but around 2am++ my didi skype with me.. until 3am+.. when im trying to sleep around 4am..
hawkzai say want to skype with me... coz too sien...
ok lo... then we skype until 4.45am.. and i slept around 5am++ =.=''
the feeling of fear , phobia , suspect , depress are make me so hard to breath and stand ..
the weak of me had come out and it's took me a very long time to fight back..
my mind are full of negative thinking...
i keep on cheer myself up...
telling myself just that im think too much ~ ~
but in the end i cant stand for it...
i talk to jun with a broken heart..
although i ask him to help me up.. but i know, i still have to help myself and more depend on myself..
i hate emo, because once i emo.. i will be very very emo.
Took my lunch around 4-5pm+... eat cintan mee..
and wait for dinner..
got to meet up my primary school friend..
we talked a lot of our childhood..
how we making fun in d school..
our pj class... our english teacher..
class celebration party ...
naughty thing that we made..
when we was small kid, we know to play beyblade, wau , congkang congkit, bak kuli.
talk about how innocent and naive when we small...
but didnt take my dinner with them.. still moody ..
and then we discuss for our class party on coming cny ..
sometime i am like this... 我从不喜欢让别人看见我的眼泪，我宁可让别人觉得我快乐的没心没肺，也不愿让自己看起来委屈可怜。 because it's make me become more tough ..
although it's sound like lying to myself but it's the way to be tough..
i want to hide my emotion because i know 不是每个人，都适合和你白头到老。..
i insist to believe in him because 有的人，是拿来一辈子怀念的..
when you need someone, im always right there;
but when i need someone beside me or talk to me, i can't find any of them..
this make me realise that, i still have to depend on myself.. be tough..
was so down and insomia...
but around 2am++ my didi skype with me.. until 3am+.. when im trying to sleep around 4am..
hawkzai say want to skype with me... coz too sien...
ok lo... then we skype until 4.45am.. and i slept around 5am++ =.=''
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
- 19 December 2011 Monday
7 morning 8 morning... awake in bad mood .. =.=''
stupid dream ...
this morning dad called me, he ask me to buy a new handphone for mom and want me to buy psp for my niece..
=.='' well its not worth to have psp for her.. so i suggest dad to get ipad2.. so that sis also can use for it , and also can facetime with us.
dad agree for it.. because he wanna buy that for my 6years old lovely niece as birthday present =.=''
lolx.. im glad that she can have ipad2..
i post in facebook but seem got people misunderstand what im trying to share..
im not jealous for it .. im glad and im appreciate also..
and my sis she said i complain because dad buy for her not me =.=??
somemore said i high request for it =.=''?
wth? im giving suggestion so that you can use the ipad2 also..
just stfu if u don't know how much it cost for original game for psp since u all don't know how to download it .
I suggest the most cheap ipad2 .. it's only cost for rm1499..
But, in the end, she called me said that she wan 32gb wifi+3g ipad2 that cost rm2.2k =.='' wtf? u scolded me up and end up u ask me get the more expensive?
who u think you are? such a greedy person ..
received a bad news from jun around afternoon also...
after know his situation, i put down my anger.. control my temper and talk to him.
then he jio us out tonight .. to secret base..
due to bad mood since morning..
i didnt eat for whole day and wait for dinner..
went to edo ichi with jun and treat him the dinner . look at him so down, atleast eat a delicious dinner will cause him happy gua..
Something happen when we are in the secret base..
they set me up .. they discuss my thing privately ..
who the one who said we are 5 in a group? but why left me out ?
i know most of them are worried and care for me..
but im already stand up and be tough already..
don't think that im still haven't ..
i stand up doesn't mean i need to let go my memories , my promise that i made with dragonzai...
i'm not standing right there .. i keep on move forward although my heart are still believing in him ..
what i can say is, please believe on me and do not worry me anymore.
Seriously if i dont appreciate you all...
i wont give a fuck damn reaction to you all..
i wont provide free driver service..
i wont care when you all are so down..
i wont feel down when u all are so emo..
but im really know for long time ago you all are care of me and try to cheer me up..
i know .. i didn't say it but i know..
I also doesn't mean don't want to tell out what im suffer for ..
because once i emo, i will be very very emo ..
i also don't wan you all day day see me emo or listen what i emo for..
listen for many times you all might fed up / feel annoying also ..
but atleast when i cant stand for it i speak it out..
im a guy that will take responsibility to care all everyone around me in the future, i have to learn to take all the pain myself ..
i wanna depend myself not others..
i did a well planning for my future and myself .. what to achieve.. what to do..
because it's my life , so i don't think i should report to everyone bah =.=''
And i know, if i don't take good care of myself, how am i suppose able to taking care to my family, the friends around me ..
But, what had happened tonight, it past..
i'm thanks you all did this for me but please no next time =.=''
i thanks because you all are care of me from the early stage.. =w=
fon .. don't blame yourself that you bring this meet up tonight, because i know you care of me .. like i told you, i must be independence so that i could cover up you all when you all are down or need me.. so that i can be calm mind and talk to you guy..
just remember what we promise each other just now and stand up..
go fight for your business .. show your result ..
stop thinking of it's that is love or what, because you wont get the answer now.
just take time and be nature .. if is yours.. it will be..
and no matter how many times you fell down, i will right behind you to carry you up.
i love you all.. so , don't think too much about me.
you all got your own thing to suffer.
when i feel like to talk, i will speak it out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, i don't know why recently why most my friends always mention about you and me... they keep on asking me to let go.
you still remember if i really letting go, it will right?
they said you dont give a damn to me why i should still standing there and wait for it?
please don't mind for it.. because they don't really understand our situation and our brotherhood..
don't know why, i got a feeling that you are always with me... reading my blog..
if you are really reading it, please don't mind or angry that i mention you again here although it's not using your name..
I don't let go, because i said my turn to believe and trust you and also i want to prove that, i changed to be better. and much more controllable of my temper..
some day... one day.. i believe ... that day i waiting for.. will come..
Day 49
stupid dream ...
this morning dad called me, he ask me to buy a new handphone for mom and want me to buy psp for my niece..
=.='' well its not worth to have psp for her.. so i suggest dad to get ipad2.. so that sis also can use for it , and also can facetime with us.
dad agree for it.. because he wanna buy that for my 6years old lovely niece as birthday present =.=''
lolx.. im glad that she can have ipad2..
i post in facebook but seem got people misunderstand what im trying to share..
im not jealous for it .. im glad and im appreciate also..
and my sis she said i complain because dad buy for her not me =.=??
somemore said i high request for it =.=''?
wth? im giving suggestion so that you can use the ipad2 also..
just stfu if u don't know how much it cost for original game for psp since u all don't know how to download it .
I suggest the most cheap ipad2 .. it's only cost for rm1499..
But, in the end, she called me said that she wan 32gb wifi+3g ipad2 that cost rm2.2k =.='' wtf? u scolded me up and end up u ask me get the more expensive?
who u think you are? such a greedy person ..
received a bad news from jun around afternoon also...
after know his situation, i put down my anger.. control my temper and talk to him.
then he jio us out tonight .. to secret base..
due to bad mood since morning..
i didnt eat for whole day and wait for dinner..
went to edo ichi with jun and treat him the dinner . look at him so down, atleast eat a delicious dinner will cause him happy gua..
Something happen when we are in the secret base..
they set me up .. they discuss my thing privately ..
who the one who said we are 5 in a group? but why left me out ?
i know most of them are worried and care for me..
but im already stand up and be tough already..
don't think that im still haven't ..
i stand up doesn't mean i need to let go my memories , my promise that i made with dragonzai...
i'm not standing right there .. i keep on move forward although my heart are still believing in him ..
what i can say is, please believe on me and do not worry me anymore.
Seriously if i dont appreciate you all...
i wont give a fuck damn reaction to you all..
i wont provide free driver service..
i wont care when you all are so down..
i wont feel down when u all are so emo..
but im really know for long time ago you all are care of me and try to cheer me up..
i know .. i didn't say it but i know..
I also doesn't mean don't want to tell out what im suffer for ..
because once i emo, i will be very very emo ..
i also don't wan you all day day see me emo or listen what i emo for..
listen for many times you all might fed up / feel annoying also ..
but atleast when i cant stand for it i speak it out..
im a guy that will take responsibility to care all everyone around me in the future, i have to learn to take all the pain myself ..
i wanna depend myself not others..
i did a well planning for my future and myself .. what to achieve.. what to do..
because it's my life , so i don't think i should report to everyone bah =.=''
And i know, if i don't take good care of myself, how am i suppose able to taking care to my family, the friends around me ..
But, what had happened tonight, it past..
i'm thanks you all did this for me but please no next time =.=''
i thanks because you all are care of me from the early stage.. =w=
fon .. don't blame yourself that you bring this meet up tonight, because i know you care of me .. like i told you, i must be independence so that i could cover up you all when you all are down or need me.. so that i can be calm mind and talk to you guy..
just remember what we promise each other just now and stand up..
go fight for your business .. show your result ..
stop thinking of it's that is love or what, because you wont get the answer now.
just take time and be nature .. if is yours.. it will be..
and no matter how many times you fell down, i will right behind you to carry you up.
i love you all.. so , don't think too much about me.
you all got your own thing to suffer.
when i feel like to talk, i will speak it out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, i don't know why recently why most my friends always mention about you and me... they keep on asking me to let go.
you still remember if i really letting go, it will right?
they said you dont give a damn to me why i should still standing there and wait for it?
please don't mind for it.. because they don't really understand our situation and our brotherhood..
don't know why, i got a feeling that you are always with me... reading my blog..
if you are really reading it, please don't mind or angry that i mention you again here although it's not using your name..
I don't let go, because i said my turn to believe and trust you and also i want to prove that, i changed to be better. and much more controllable of my temper..
some day... one day.. i believe ... that day i waiting for.. will come..
Day 49
- 18 December 2011 Sunday
hmm... can't sleep well whole night..
May be my brain doesnt have a good rest ..
and Jun was snoring there.. with some nice * melody *
everytime when he start snoring, i try to move him to quiet, but when i want to move him.... he become silent =.='' so i cont to sleep..
hmm.. tonight, i can felt like my dad are beside me.. thinking of my dad.. love you dad...
8am+ im awake from bad dream i guess..
then roll roll rub rub my bed until 10am only went for bath ...
Went to pick up Jun's mom around 11am++
and three of us went to Sunway Carnival for shopping ..
We had our lunch at sake sushi ...
hmm... not really got appetite to eat.. but tori teriyaki don.. make me hungry .
:troll:
around 5pm+ i reach sp.. and eddy ask me for dinner with them around 6pm..
ok, i told them i might be late 5-10mins.. because i just reach sp and im in legenda around 5.45pm..
but, i have been waiting them since 6.15pm until 6.45pm..
i started fed up because they told me 6pm, and make me rush like bull..
but let me wait for 30mins there...
im so hungry and wait like sohai there =.='' orzzz :yuno:
tonight, i slept very early.. 9pm+..
but i woke up at 10pm++ 11pm++ and 3am++
when i woke up around 3am++ , i saw yamateh's sms..
she ask me what happen to they all, seem like all so emo and bla bla..
im kinda shock and wake myself up and try to open my eyes to check their facebook..
there're nth different ar..
so i start to think and worry what happen to they all?
i know they are emo recently because of love issue... three of them ..
rolling.... rubbing .... do nothing .... thinking.... and worried them until 7am..
i only continue back my dream...
and wake up around 9am+ +
day 48
May be my brain doesnt have a good rest ..
and Jun was snoring there.. with some nice * melody *
everytime when he start snoring, i try to move him to quiet, but when i want to move him.... he become silent =.='' so i cont to sleep..
hmm.. tonight, i can felt like my dad are beside me.. thinking of my dad.. love you dad...
8am+ im awake from bad dream i guess..
then roll roll rub rub my bed until 10am only went for bath ...
Went to pick up Jun's mom around 11am++
and three of us went to Sunway Carnival for shopping ..
We had our lunch at sake sushi ...
hmm... not really got appetite to eat.. but tori teriyaki don.. make me hungry .
:troll:
around 5pm+ i reach sp.. and eddy ask me for dinner with them around 6pm..
ok, i told them i might be late 5-10mins.. because i just reach sp and im in legenda around 5.45pm..
but, i have been waiting them since 6.15pm until 6.45pm..
i started fed up because they told me 6pm, and make me rush like bull..
but let me wait for 30mins there...
im so hungry and wait like sohai there =.='' orzzz :yuno:
tonight, i slept very early.. 9pm+..
but i woke up at 10pm++ 11pm++ and 3am++
when i woke up around 3am++ , i saw yamateh's sms..
she ask me what happen to they all, seem like all so emo and bla bla..
im kinda shock and wake myself up and try to open my eyes to check their facebook..
there're nth different ar..
so i start to think and worry what happen to they all?
i know they are emo recently because of love issue... three of them ..
rolling.... rubbing .... do nothing .... thinking.... and worried them until 7am..
i only continue back my dream...
and wake up around 9am+ +
day 48
- 17th December 2011 Saturday
- 17th December 2011 Saturday
O.O!! a surprise morning..
Jun called me for help to fetch him and his parents go down to penang..
Cause his dad was in badly sick and can't drive..
So ask me for help to fetch them to penang to meet up their customer.
reach sp around 5pm and i go for arcade awhile coz wanna wait jun finish work and fetch him to my house...
6pm++ , pick jun to my house , i take a rest and bath...
Then go to meet up friends to go my secret base ^^
But, seem like they got no mood and say can't play chi kek game wor..
So in the end everyone come to my house..
we play poker card =.='' with some very chi kek and heart beat punish..
was a amazing night and game i never tried be4 in my life..
but hope it only happen once bah...
kinda nightmare for me =.=''
that night, Jun over night at my house...
i share something with him about my childhood .. my stress ..
and we slept around 1am++ because the next day gonna have lunch with his mom.
O.O!! a surprise morning..
Jun called me for help to fetch him and his parents go down to penang..
Cause his dad was in badly sick and can't drive..
So ask me for help to fetch them to penang to meet up their customer.
reach sp around 5pm and i go for arcade awhile coz wanna wait jun finish work and fetch him to my house...
6pm++ , pick jun to my house , i take a rest and bath...
Then go to meet up friends to go my secret base ^^
But, seem like they got no mood and say can't play chi kek game wor..
So in the end everyone come to my house..
we play poker card =.='' with some very chi kek and heart beat punish..
was a amazing night and game i never tried be4 in my life..
but hope it only happen once bah...
kinda nightmare for me =.=''
that night, Jun over night at my house...
i share something with him about my childhood .. my stress ..
and we slept around 1am++ because the next day gonna have lunch with his mom.
Friday, December 16, 2011
- 算了吧,不要緊,會過去的 ~
- 15 December 2011 Thursday
Today happen something that's really bad in early morning..
Jun still so emo and talk to me..
He said that he's so unlucky for some reason..
ACtually everyone got their good and bad luck..
The thing we cant achieve doesnt mean we are bad luck..
And as son/daughter ..We should learn to respect our parents
ya, i know.. they dont understand us or even try to control what we did..
But they are just love us .. care us ..
Just that may be different generation and they using wrong way to show us their love and care to us ..
Afternoon, Small fb chat with me ..
She keep on want to know something from me ..
I told her, i got my reason that i cannot tell out because i promise someone.
I as her friend, i hope she understand my situation and my feeling..
But she's so ego and keep on forcing me to tell about it.
In the end, i left the conversation because i knew, if continue like this..
I will burst out and lost control ..
After i left, i msn Jun to said that im really so angry and kinda lost control..
But , what i had received is .. he come and k me because i left the conversation..
Why Jun you dont make thing clear before u say anything?
The thing u read is not part 1... you should make the thing clear first before you wan to k me mah..
In the end, we had little bit of argue through msn..
and he said something same like what Dragonzai said to me..
It's totally exactly same ... same situation, same sentence , same mood ..
I can felt my mind , my heart are so hurt because it pull out all my sadness in the past ..
I just want to keep the promise that me and dragonzai made.
why you all want to force me to say about it?
even i said out, what you all can get? nothing...
Just because of ur kepo want to know..
and i get hurt ..
Jun at first said i went wrong..
you said i don't wanna play with her because it will cause misunderstanding..
i didnt state it clearly ..
i did said already... i dont want other to misunderstand us and i got my own reason..
as friend, should understand my 苦衷 right ?
if small dont sufficient with my this reason .. then this is her problem..
why i should break my promise with my bro because of her own sufficient?
I said if i did the thing she want me to play, i will cause in BIG BIG TROUBLE..
why want me to play it, want me to say it? it's that so fun to see me die ?
I'm guilty everyday now and mental torturing myself everyday now..
really wan force me until i suicide then only happy izziz?
Jun you are not giving me suggestion..
What i received from your msg is you are standing on her side and indirectly want to me say out my reason to her ...HELL NO WAY !! ..
After this incident, i realise that i couldnt walk out from my phobia being losing my best bro in my life..
watched a clip today.. it's about brotherhood ..
in this reality world, i know no one will have 义气 with you anymore..
But i still pay out a little percent of hope wish to met this kind of person..
i found it.. raymond and rocky ..
the one who care me even they are not with me..
I didnt meant Jun are not ... Jun care me always.. i know..
you also the important person in my life..
may be, me and jun havent met something so i cant answer with this..
Tonight, Jun still havent cheer up..
he closed himself alone, im fucking worried about him now ..
But may be i should trust him that he can solve all his problem alone..
because he's not 3 years old boy anymore..
what i can say is .. remember this 算了吧"。"不要緊"。"會過去的"
I will be there with you when u need ..
I wont abandon my bros when they need me..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
long, may be i cause you a lot of problems . sorry .. this is what i can say.
almost end of the year 2011..
i hope you and me can put down what we hurt for each others ..
so that you will be more happy..
sometime i think, if i don't appear in your life..
you wont get hurt ...
may be we just 有缘无份 become brother/friend..
but i appreciate you.. thanks you for everything , every care you gave me.
Day 45
Today happen something that's really bad in early morning..
Jun still so emo and talk to me..
He said that he's so unlucky for some reason..
ACtually everyone got their good and bad luck..
The thing we cant achieve doesnt mean we are bad luck..
And as son/daughter ..We should learn to respect our parents
ya, i know.. they dont understand us or even try to control what we did..
But they are just love us .. care us ..
Just that may be different generation and they using wrong way to show us their love and care to us ..
Afternoon, Small fb chat with me ..
She keep on want to know something from me ..
I told her, i got my reason that i cannot tell out because i promise someone.
I as her friend, i hope she understand my situation and my feeling..
But she's so ego and keep on forcing me to tell about it.
In the end, i left the conversation because i knew, if continue like this..
I will burst out and lost control ..
After i left, i msn Jun to said that im really so angry and kinda lost control..
But , what i had received is .. he come and k me because i left the conversation..
Why Jun you dont make thing clear before u say anything?
The thing u read is not part 1... you should make the thing clear first before you wan to k me mah..
In the end, we had little bit of argue through msn..
and he said something same like what Dragonzai said to me..
It's totally exactly same ... same situation, same sentence , same mood ..
I can felt my mind , my heart are so hurt because it pull out all my sadness in the past ..
I just want to keep the promise that me and dragonzai made.
why you all want to force me to say about it?
even i said out, what you all can get? nothing...
Just because of ur kepo want to know..
and i get hurt ..
Jun at first said i went wrong..
you said i don't wanna play with her because it will cause misunderstanding..
i didnt state it clearly ..
i did said already... i dont want other to misunderstand us and i got my own reason..
as friend, should understand my 苦衷 right ?
if small dont sufficient with my this reason .. then this is her problem..
why i should break my promise with my bro because of her own sufficient?
I said if i did the thing she want me to play, i will cause in BIG BIG TROUBLE..
why want me to play it, want me to say it? it's that so fun to see me die ?
I'm guilty everyday now and mental torturing myself everyday now..
really wan force me until i suicide then only happy izziz?
Jun you are not giving me suggestion..
What i received from your msg is you are standing on her side and indirectly want to me say out my reason to her ...HELL NO WAY !! ..
After this incident, i realise that i couldnt walk out from my phobia being losing my best bro in my life..
watched a clip today.. it's about brotherhood ..
in this reality world, i know no one will have 义气 with you anymore..
But i still pay out a little percent of hope wish to met this kind of person..
i found it.. raymond and rocky ..
the one who care me even they are not with me..
I didnt meant Jun are not ... Jun care me always.. i know..
you also the important person in my life..
may be, me and jun havent met something so i cant answer with this..
Tonight, Jun still havent cheer up..
he closed himself alone, im fucking worried about him now ..
But may be i should trust him that he can solve all his problem alone..
because he's not 3 years old boy anymore..
what i can say is .. remember this 算了吧"。"不要緊"。"會過去的"
I will be there with you when u need ..
I wont abandon my bros when they need me..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
long, may be i cause you a lot of problems . sorry .. this is what i can say.
almost end of the year 2011..
i hope you and me can put down what we hurt for each others ..
so that you will be more happy..
sometime i think, if i don't appear in your life..
you wont get hurt ...
may be we just 有缘无份 become brother/friend..
but i appreciate you.. thanks you for everything , every care you gave me.
Day 45
- 12,13,14 December 2011
- 12 December 2011 Monday
Heavy rain this evening..
after work .. i stand under the rain..
let it rain over me..
i feel fresh and feel better under the rain..
my whole body are wet and mixed up together with my tears ..
how stupid am i ...
- 13 December 2011 Tuesday
Dad promise to have dinner with me tonight ..
Because daddy and mommy going to Singapore tomorrow ..
I was so hungry since 4pm++ and i wait my dad until 7pm..
and i see mom was so busy there so that i asked him am i going out dinner with dad or ?
and she K me ... =.=''
and i wait until 8pm..
i cant stand already...
i started gastric ..
In the end.. my dinner , eat with my friends...
- 14 December 2011 Thursday
Hanging out with Jun, Nigel , Ayameh and Small ..
Went to my secret base ..
Today is Hug valentine's day .. We hug each other to cheer each other up..
That night, don't know why everyone are so emo when we are sitting at the playground...
I feel so down when look at them like this..
I tried many way to cheer them up..
Small told me , Raymond are so care about me..
Raymond msn her to ask her to cheer me up since she are always with me..
i'm already so down because of look at them so emo and Small always ask me to put down my bro...
But i didnt say much to her because she don't know what happen actually ..
She just know i losing a best bro in my life ..
After i heard she said raymond so care for me ...
I felt so touch and my tears like out of control and keep on dropping ...
At afternoon, Jun told me he is so mad.
I understand ur situation, ur feeling..
Because this is what i experience before .. also my childhood life ..
Exactly same ..
I felt so useless, Jun's so mad ... i cant even help him to cool down and make him feel better...
At night, Jun was so emo... so down...
But i tried all my best to cheer him up..
I failed .. In the end i asked for Small help ..
She did it and im glad for that ..
But in other way.. i felt im seriously damn fucking useless.. how noob am i ..
Look at them like that, i always act like im so happy without emo ..
But inside my heart, there's thousands of knife cucuk tiao me ..
When i down, i don't dare to speak it out ..
I don't know who i should talk to..
Even after i speak it out, nothing can be changed ..
So i made the lie to them said that.. im really okay, i didn't emo of anything ..
im just down because look at them was so emo..
Because everyone so down, why i should say im down also?
I must be cheerful and cheer them up ..
I also don't know who can really understand my feel..
They just said some advice that what they though but it's truly hurt me.
In the end, i choose to be tough .. be silent .. to be cheerful like last time.
Seriously pressing down my depression and cheer others up.. are so hard.
because i have to control my emotion ...
Tonight, we saw a lot meteor star...
the second and third star, i made a wish that me and my bro can be close like last time...
the 4th star, i wish everyone around me , can have a good life in the future and always be happy ...
I feel sad when look at them are so down..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey bro, really hope u will be there with us to enjoy the moment we waited for the meteor star. ..
Day 44
Heavy rain this evening..
after work .. i stand under the rain..
let it rain over me..
i feel fresh and feel better under the rain..
my whole body are wet and mixed up together with my tears ..
how stupid am i ...
- 13 December 2011 Tuesday
Dad promise to have dinner with me tonight ..
Because daddy and mommy going to Singapore tomorrow ..
I was so hungry since 4pm++ and i wait my dad until 7pm..
and i see mom was so busy there so that i asked him am i going out dinner with dad or ?
and she K me ... =.=''
and i wait until 8pm..
i cant stand already...
i started gastric ..
In the end.. my dinner , eat with my friends...
- 14 December 2011 Thursday
Hanging out with Jun, Nigel , Ayameh and Small ..
Went to my secret base ..
Today is Hug valentine's day .. We hug each other to cheer each other up..
That night, don't know why everyone are so emo when we are sitting at the playground...
I feel so down when look at them like this..
I tried many way to cheer them up..
Small told me , Raymond are so care about me..
Raymond msn her to ask her to cheer me up since she are always with me..
i'm already so down because of look at them so emo and Small always ask me to put down my bro...
But i didnt say much to her because she don't know what happen actually ..
She just know i losing a best bro in my life ..
After i heard she said raymond so care for me ...
I felt so touch and my tears like out of control and keep on dropping ...
At afternoon, Jun told me he is so mad.
I understand ur situation, ur feeling..
Because this is what i experience before .. also my childhood life ..
Exactly same ..
I felt so useless, Jun's so mad ... i cant even help him to cool down and make him feel better...
At night, Jun was so emo... so down...
But i tried all my best to cheer him up..
I failed .. In the end i asked for Small help ..
She did it and im glad for that ..
But in other way.. i felt im seriously damn fucking useless.. how noob am i ..
Look at them like that, i always act like im so happy without emo ..
But inside my heart, there's thousands of knife cucuk tiao me ..
When i down, i don't dare to speak it out ..
I don't know who i should talk to..
Even after i speak it out, nothing can be changed ..
So i made the lie to them said that.. im really okay, i didn't emo of anything ..
im just down because look at them was so emo..
Because everyone so down, why i should say im down also?
I must be cheerful and cheer them up ..
I also don't know who can really understand my feel..
They just said some advice that what they though but it's truly hurt me.
In the end, i choose to be tough .. be silent .. to be cheerful like last time.
Seriously pressing down my depression and cheer others up.. are so hard.
because i have to control my emotion ...
Tonight, we saw a lot meteor star...
the second and third star, i made a wish that me and my bro can be close like last time...
the 4th star, i wish everyone around me , can have a good life in the future and always be happy ...
I feel sad when look at them are so down..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey bro, really hope u will be there with us to enjoy the moment we waited for the meteor star. ..
Day 44
Monday, December 12, 2011
拿起手里的键盘，一直都有很多想要写下来的事。
可是需要互列到是不是或该不该写下来。。
星期六，有月食。 朋友们都约好了我一起去看月亮。
的确我们一起赏月，吃零食，说废话的确很开心。。
可是当晚，C跟我说了一些关于你的事。。
她说peng chong 他们开玩笑说你要换电话就换，有钱。
然后你就向S说他们在perli 你。。
过后， 他们也问起了我们两是不是吵架。。
peng chong 就说你中五的事，和你不喜欢他们说你有钱的事，说你小气。
不过，虽然我认识你没他们认识你那么久， 可是，以他的性格。。 是我也认为他在perli。。
如果他说你小气而搞到我们两没有了这段兄弟情。。 我只能说，他不了解或明白你。
没有人知道，当我和你吵架时，你都每天来读我的blog。。在乎我这个朋友。。
他们不知道你关心我这个朋友的身体健康。。
虽然你是以不好的语气来说， 可是我明白和感受到你的关心。。
那天晚上，nigel突然很emo...
他怪我们没有约他。。 因为种种原因，我也不是很了解。。
只好打电话给他。。 说着说着，他忽然说起了你告诉eddy说我这个朋友很不好。。
很糟的朋友。。我的心直接。。。
我只好告诉nigel说，我不想讲了。。
然后我就去问eddy，可是他说你没有这样说过。。
我不明白发生了什么事。。
jun告诉我说，无论什么人告诉我什么话，
最重要的还是坚持的相信你。。
我明白我们的心中都有一埂刺，可能我们也知道这个刺会在我们的心里永远也拔不出来。。
可是难道这样我们就结束了吗？
越好的朋友，就被刺的更深更伤。。
有是天就是那么好玩，一个晚上让我知道你那么多事。。
明明一个很好很开心的晚上就这样毁了。。
听了nigel告诉我的事，问了eddy后。。
明明是哪个很很心痛的心情，可是又要在朋友面前一起说笑。。
讲笑话逗他们笑，真的是很辛苦，很难。。
还好那晚jun在我的家过夜，要不然我不敢想象我会不会崩溃。。
吃了安眠药，可是心就是定不下来。 一整晚都睡不好，醒了几次。。
每次和朋友一起出去事，不知道为什么，可能是因为习惯了每当有节目时都会约你。。
现在，你不在了，感到少了一些东西。。
不知道你有没有在读着现在我说写的日记呢。。 ？
很快１２月就结束了。。 ２０１１ 年就这样完了。。
一月九来到了， 还记得一月１６号我们因打羽毛球而相遇回吗？
希望新的一年，我会有回那个福分来重新的和你做朋友。。
认识你，我没后悔过。。
只后悔在我当天因为了情绪失控而说了伤害你的话。。
2011年结束后， 希望我的忧郁症会好起来。。
虽然当初有你这个兄弟陪着我度过，也答应我帮我康复。。
不过现在还是靠我自己吧。。
兄弟，多多保重。。
day 41
Saturday, December 10, 2011
- 8th November 2011 Thursday
dad n mom went to penang today...
at night, my mom suddenly ask me ..
where is dragonzai now?
she asked where the hor fan that dragonzai bought for her..
it's very nice and miss it ... she also ask why recently didnt see him ...
- 9th November 2011
i told dad today im going to taiwan with ayameh,lih and jun ...
and he asked me... did nigel know?
because ayameh was nigel's ex..
dad said will he jealous ? later me n nigel quarrel until no friend do like my past ..
不乐而散。。 this words ... hurt through my heart ..
went to old town today, i saw peng jong n sye fun... but i didnt walk there to say a hi...
then i heard dragon's car alarm sound ... i was been shocked .. and thinking may be he coming to meet up with peng jong them ...
until i finish my dinner and go back.. didnt see him show out ...
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bros... take care ... nitez ..
Day 40
Thursday, December 8, 2011
- Take care
这几天不知怎么了。。
心情一直很低落。。
vivi那边又有事发生。。 哎。。
昨晚，因心情低落而和几个朋友出来游车河。。
无意间， 看见了穿黄色衣的你。。
反复间的不知是不是时候找你喝喝茶。。
身边的朋友的一举一动，玩笑，歌，样样东西都拉起了我的回忆。
不知道为什么一直想起我们如何认识到结束。。
整夜都睡不着。。 一旦睡了。。 就发恶梦。。
梦见了我们吵架的事。。
醒了又睡， 睡了又梦， 梦了又醒。。
到现在只记得。。
我发的最后一个梦是。。
你忽然打电话来给我。。
说约我和一些朋友去Penang.
然后隔天我就去载你们。。
可是我们先去 VM 吃饭走走。。
最后我们两还跑去玩头问字D。。
慢慢的好会。。
8AM++ 就醒了。。
还想发回那个梦。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
老兄， 早点睡吧。。
还记得我们约定2am 前睡吗？
多多保重。。 煎炸油腻少吃。。
晚安。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
真的有时候， 在你生气的那10秒里， 可能会说出一些令人难受的话。
可是那些话，你可能会永远也挽不回来的。
有时生气时， 忍一忍， 好好听完后，可能就不会误会而吵架。。
虽然，今天早我是低落了，可是我也尽量在告诉我自己忍。。我不想再和任何的朋友吵架了。
的确，我们今早发生的事会让我难受一整天，可是不能怪你。。
是我自己抵抗不了以前的伤口的痛。。
刚睡醒的我，就好像没戴上我的面具，展露了我那软弱的我。。
还好我的emo不是那种建立在别人身上， 怪别人没理会他。。 怪到别人好像对不起他。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
Day 38
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
- 5th November 2011 Monday
Bro.. i saw you again from my office...
don't know why i walk out from the office, look around my dad's lorry and van...
and i heard ur car's alarm ... and i turned my head to petronas petrol station..
i saw you .... .
friend tell me, why i always met you outside?
they cant always saw u outside also =.=''
this friend tell me we got jodoh ...
i donno should i blieve or not..
coz if we gt jodoh to be friend/bro ..
we wont be like this bah ..
..
tonite i didnt go qi gong... and i go have a nap cause too tired..
i dream i date with jun to have dinner/lunch at somewhere in sp..
and he didnt come.. and then i saw raymond ... raymond come to me say he came back from jb cause wanna talk to me something.. its about dragon and me de..
he said he go talk to dragon and then say that im truly apologize to dragon hope he could forgive me...
and then, stupid phone notification and group chat alert wake me up =.=''
Day 35
- 3rd November 2011 Saturday
Having movie with friends tonight in village mall... Watch Petaling Street Warriors ..
In the basement car park, i saw dragon's car ...
sp so small ...
anyway, this movie, it's so funny and make me, jun and fook ling laugh 99 ...
laugh until we dont feel tired after the movie ...
i guess im quite busy bah.... so many days didnt write my dairy =.='' have to gambateh edi..
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Day 32
- 4th November 2011 Sunday
Slept in 3am+ but woke up around 7am...
laying and rolling on the bed with Jun for 1 hour++ then only prepare ourself to pick up friends..
Heading to penang .... woooo
Having our breakfast at tmn sejati ....
10am++ went to my uncle clinic to take shot ...
After that, fly fly go 1st avenue - red box ... until 2pm++
then me jun and andy go pringin mall walk walk ..
and i also meet zhaoyang / nigel / ah b they all at pringin mall...
...............................
Today event : everyone speaking.. no mandarin , hokkien or cantonese...
End game, im the one who didnt kena punishment ...
Jun have to take off his pants , and the girl have to kiss each other mouth to mouth...
but those girl so damn cheat..
In the end, when we otw home, i help jun to received the punish ... lucky only small was there..
cause she wan to see both of us kiss / take off pants so much =.='' sweat 99
After first avenue and pringin mall,
we went to queensbay mall ...
me n jun went to arcade .. and those girl.. we donno loh ... they walk their shopping..
we play our game ...
but i didnt take any lunch.. im so hungry until i gastric ...
they said have to wait until 7pm++...
then i cant stand it anymore, gastric + tired ... not enuf slp lagi..
so around 6.30pm me and jun went to xian ding wei makan first...
the girls reach there around 7.30pm and saw we edi finish eating and scold me ... =.=''
said why i eat first.. i donno how to tell them , cause i dont want to let them feel guilty ..
i scared they felt guilty after knowing im having gastric for few hours ago ....
today lesson ...
ktv ... really can make people emo...
im damn so fucking emo on that day too..
i shouldnt deserved the treatment like this ...
i can be more better ...
but why ...
please give me strength to stand up...
please give me strength to stand for it...
please give me some confident to trust for it ..
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Day 33
- 1st December 2011 Thursday
Tonight , had a wonderful shuffle / dance / moonwalk / glide in qi gong class...
got party rock , poker face , bad romace , stereo heart and so on ..
- 2nd December 2011 Friday
Chong haw called me today saying tonight dinner at yoshiya..
well ... cause the person he called i not so close.. in the end i refuse it and join go my qi gong class..
After having Mcd in cs with Jun and meet up shawn for awhile..
Tonite after qi gong class, went out with friends yum cha .... and bullshit a lot ...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
- 30 November 2011 Wednesday
Today, i saw dragonzai again at his shop ...
cause of stupid tyre, i need to bring it to the tyre shop chun seng ..
feel want to say hi to dragon but he look busy there so i just step off ..
its glad to see him so hard working ...
Well , nothing special for today.... always alone in the office ...
dad ask me change car ..
change par7575 mitsubishi cordia... and he say like this.... today wan drive sport car boh ? =.='' swt
okay loh.. since done already.. left tyre and rim hvnt change... ma test drive see how ...
fuiyoh... at night nia, jiu got car jio me race liao ... song ....
really have a long time didnt use manual car racing with people .... wakkakaka
Chong haw facebook inbox me when im in office..
asking how am i recently and apologize to me what he had done to me last time..
then he ask me for yoshiya dinner and he might call other friends too ..
hmmm i rejected him cause i already date Jun to go qi gong ..
So i suggest him make the dinner at friday or saturday bah ...
lucky he didn't know what happen to me recently .. haha ..
just telling him busy for work and boring life..
tonight after 12am it's end of november ...
a very long long times i ever had be4 .. byk susah lepas november ni ..
3 months already i had changed my life ...
but, the heart still the same ...
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Day 30
- 29 November 2011 Tuesday
Today, Office not so busy ..
In the office, Dad suddenly ask me where dragonzai.. he didnt find me already?
I was so shock that he ask me this question so sudden...
So that i reply him said he's going to kl with family ...
Dad seem not believe and ask me again the same question he didnt find me now ady?
So i had no idea and lie to dad said ... so far we still going out yum cha but mostly after my qi gong class loh .. just outing for supper like that ...
Then dad look like so so... not really believe on me ....
I went out lunch with dad ...
On the way going lunch, i saw dragonzai and his mom i guess ... at the U turn in front of Che Tom there... So i told dad here is dragonzai's car...
and dad say... call them join us lunch =.='' SO SWEAT ~~
Saw Yong Yee with his dad before we leaving ...
Having lunch, dad ask me the one name matthew what owe me money, have i take back ady or not..
and ask me why dont i go get from his mom and so on ....
Then dad ask me, that day he heard Yong Yee called me Tiger, he wonder who Tiger actually ..
So now dad know my nick jor... 4 years i had using this year and finally today dad know my secret lolx...
Around evening , dad phone me said that one of my friend's mother pass away..
She commit suicide at Penang bridge...
Her car found at Penang bridge without anyone until the next day of early morning...
Tonight im so bad luck...
around 11pm++ im on the way going back home by using bypass there...
There's road construction and my tyre pancat =.=''
my phone left 8% battery .... OMFG..
Using iphone apps to switch on the light and change tyre myself ...
Lucky i bring my laptop so i can charge my phone for awhile..
It's was so dark over there ...
15mins later, done.... by that moment... my phone shut down .. out of battery ... =w=
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day 29
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
- 28 November 2011 Monday
Due to last night i slept around 5am+
im woke up late for work...
Dad called me up and scold me ...
1pm+ i reach office ...
Dad he say me again ... sorry dad.. but i really couldn't sleep well at night ...
After know-ing my Harddisk can totally rest in peace ...
I realise that , im wearing a mask everyday to meet up all my friends..
A smiling mask ... to hide all my sadness in front of them. ...
I don't know when i start wearing this mask ...
But i hate wearing this mask to meet all my friends. ..
I want be a true happy person ... but ,
my heart really hurt ... until i can't control my tears keep on coming out from my eyes ..
Lucky office got no one ...
until 3pm+ my worker tabao mee goreng for me.. but i go and got no appetite to eat ... until 5pm+ when i reach home i only eat the mee goreng ...
tonight, i sleep very early without my dinner ... im too tired ...
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i still remember what you said to me when we argue ...
u told me not to worry, we are still brother...
After 2 weeks ... u said my personality got problem, if my personality so suck, does my friendship to you are fake ? do i make any harmful thing to you ? if im so suck why we still can be so close ...
I told you i want to settle all this down... cause i wan to save back the friendship/brotherhood..
you said to me.. my personality got problem how to save? use money to buy friend ar?
This really hurt deep in my heart... you know i dont like people say me rich because im looking for true friend that want friend with me with the heart not because of my money..
I'm not the person that use money to buy a friend ... these words you said to me, i remember until now ... i couldn't forget it .. cause it's really hurt .. damn hurt ..
i also don't know why u wan say like this ...
Day 28
- 27 November 2011 Sunday
- woke up around 9am++ ....
Me and Jun went to Cennai having our breakfast..
Nice roti canai ... Nice nasi lemak but poor service =.=''
1pm++ reach Sunway carnival with Jimmy ...
Went to arcade to tune my new ae86 ...
and saw FT-!!! / Peng Liew / xKOHO / LEGEND ( top 1 ID6AA in malaysia ) and other's ID6aa players. ...
4pm++ i received a phone call ...
The call from computer shop that i gave my HD to make recovery..
He told me my harddisk can't be recover because serious destroy ...
I was like WTF ? well.. i just try to be accept it and ... my mood totally down ... and down...
Something happened, it cant be recover back... just like Me and DragonZai ...
Jun asked how am i ... I know he hate people emo and worry about me..
I make a lie to him said that im good here ... and make some joke with him ...
Just don't wan he worry me ..
That night, i couldn't sleep at all ...
I read back the sms / whatsapp chat logs ....
Guess that only all these left with me ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
long, if really have a chance, i hope can take a nice photo with you as memories ..
if have a chance, i wish to go back by using time machine ... to save back our friendship...
i'm regret and sorry for everything...
the most important note from my blog/ photo are gone together with my harddisk ...
Day 27
- 26 November 2011 Saturday
Have a gathering at village mall..
Nell said he will be there at noon...
Around 12pm++ i prepare myself and go to village mall ..
i keep calling Nell but couldn't access ...
around 3pm+ he sms me said more awhile he will coming ..
So i keep on waiting ... until 4pm++ i sms him are he coming?
He said he stuck at semiling bridge...
until 5.15pm ... He reach Village mall..
I waited him from 1pm to 5pm++ without my lunch n breakfast... madafaka ..
sipek hungry and dulan edi ...
6.15pm i fast fast rush to Jun's house cause he's hungry and waiting for me too ...
we went to Edo Ichi for dinner and meet up fook ling them for 7.45pm movie - twilight
Cindy told me that Kai Wen shoot him at facebook ...
I keep on facebook-ing in cinema just to shoot kai wen ..
Cannot tahan he keep on shooting people somemore is my friend ...
In the end Kai Wen kena shoot 99 and del the post and block my facebook =.=''
That night, i over night at Jun's house... And Cindy facebook me said that...
Kai Wen msg her and complain this n that... cry father cry mother there...
Well .... such a stupid move ... He seem boh kam buan and keep on complain ...
And we feel glad that finally this guy kena shoot by people ...
At night, chat with Jun until he sleep and i also want to sleep early because have to go sunway carnival the next day for gathering...
i try to open some softy song so that i could get in sleep easily ...
Listening to 记得-JJ ... don't know why .. my tears droping .. i not sure is my eyes tired or
the song truly get through my heart ... until i fall asleep ....
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bro, i think if u were on facebook and read the comments that how kai wen said cindy,
u also cannot stand for it.. cause it's over already and insulting girls..
That kai wen are totally sexual harassment .... such a idiotic attitude...
Day 26
- day 28
tiring day... always wanted to update my blog...
but too busy since saturday until now..
take a rest now n update tml in office bah ^^
Saturday, November 26, 2011
- 25 November 2011
Having a nice day although i need sleeping pill to sleep =.=''
busy date with friends every night ...
Although busy for work whole day but feel enjoy at night ... lolx
But quite sad is nigel he's so emo and down these few days..
having problem with his classmate and he though we ignore him ...
i did try my best talk to him and make him feel better now .. cheer bro ..
and good news is.. Initial D 6AA World Akagi Battle Event i got Rank 101 in whole world.
haha.. just spend a bit money and keep on winning ...
Tonight having dinner with Hong Kong people.. nice that they intro me the food and dim sum right there... wish to go hong kong next year ^^
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good night bro and try to sleep early to hv a good health ...
Get a better life yea...
Day 25
Thursday, November 24, 2011
- 23 November 2011 Wednesday
Today, i heard a lot story from Ayameh and Small Li ..
They complain about Jeff was fall deep love to a girl that only care for his money..
The girl make Jeff got no honor and so on ~ every month atleast spend him around 2k++
ayameh cried for this friend because the misunderstand that jeff created.. make jeff's gf though ayameh was third party in their relationship ...
it's second times already..
ayameh and small li told me that they wanted to unfriend with jeff because they edi tried hard to pull jeff wake up ... want him to understand loving someone that not appreciate him is not worth ..
I tried my best to ask them cool down and don't do anything like this..
Because jeff already hurted by his girl friend, as a friend still unfriend with him now... he could really sad enough ... lucky they accept my advise ...
Why everyone around me having this kind of issue ? why they dont appreciate the person around them?
like small li said... 作朋友是用心的。。 this sentence, make me remind of someone.. i remember i ask someone why treat me as a bro.. a simple and short answer he answer me.. 因为你是用心来和我交朋友。 i still remember every single words u said ...Z ..
small li is kind of person wont look back to the past and wont go and remember the memories..
but im the person that will keep the memory very well ..
she don't know how hard i wish to have back the bro i lost ..
it's sometime make me down when she say not worth to save a friend that not appreciate you..
she also say now they treat me not good meh?
it's not this problem... small li.. it's because Z was really treat me good enough more than you all..
i couldnt forget the goods he treat me ... it just you dont understand Z's situation and person..
After i reach home, plan to sleep already ...
But my 3rd sis came in my room and talk to my 4th sis ...
she said she go and ask my relative - aunty something happened when i was 1 years old ...
it's remind me the sadness,anger,revenge in my heart ...
i felt so sad and angry but i tried not to show out and control ...
because i will lost control when i know-ing someone bully my mom for so many times...
i wanted to find someone talk for it ... think of rocky, but he's in uk and busy for study now...
think of raymond, he's busy preparing for his final year project ..
think of Z, i not sure he willing be my listener or not because only him know about this past... i tried to msg him but he didn't reply ..
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hi bro, sorry i doesnt mean to disturb you but just hope you could be my listener just now or someday ... Good night and sleep well bro..
Day 23
- 22 November 2011 Tuesday
22 November 2011 Tuesday
Daddy promise me to have dinner with me tonight...
I asked dad dinner with me tonight cause 3 of my sister back to sp..
For so many years when my sister back to home town i also didnt spend my time to have a meal with them...
Since i require to have dinner with them..
But at night, dad said go my aunty house eat..
cause aunty's house got cook and free , bcoz the nxt day is her son's wedding...
dad promised me ... promise to dinner together outside and not going their house for dinner one..
i was waiting for this dinner since morning ...
But all i got is dissapointed ... i felt so upset that even my family members also like that..
I just had mee goreng and one burger for my lunch n dinner..
I'm out of mood to eat anything...
THen went to starbuck to buy some coffee and go to jun's housefor a visit ...
Jun and Andy got misunderstand ...
Although they didnt quarrel face to face ...
But the misunderstand make Jun angry about him..
He felt like been cheated and though andy is not honest to him ...
Look at them, i feel like there's a knife scratch through my heart. ...
I don't want both of them will be like me and Z ...
The feeling losing a bro is really painful ...
I tried my best ... to listen their situation and explain one by one... stage by stage..
The incident was happened in the afternoon but very good news is they was understand stand it's just a misunderstanding and forgive each other... at that night.. everything settle..
I'm glad that i was success to help both of them to recover back their friendship.. win-win situation ...
Lucky didn't drag this incident for so long, if not i think it will be very hard to explain to Jun about andy's situation ...
Look at them was recovered, i feel touched and think why other can but .... i ... failed ..
I couldn't sleep at night, i took a pill from my sis to let me get into sleep easily .. 安眠药..
After an hour i took the pill ... i start to feel sleepy ..
That night, i dream about jun and andy was friend back together and playing with their gunpla..
i also dream about someone but it's just a nightmare for me ...
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Hi, bro.. a msg to you again ... although i don't know you are reading or not ...
But the feeling i look at jun and andy can be friend back without any scar because they remember the good each of them..
I wonder could we ........
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Day 22
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
- day 22
haiz.. an unhappy day ...
but thing solved ....
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nitez bros
day 22
Monday, November 21, 2011
- update loh ...
aiya.. 3am, cant sleep then start my blog ...
19 November 2011 Saturday...
Small Li and yamateh invited me to see sunset with them ...
got Fook ling ar... Nigel ar... two of them ar.. and cindy ar...
We plan to go tanjung dawai but donno why they change the plan to Semeling jetty...
We took a lot crazy pic there ...
But seem like less one person there..
then we took a lot ki siao photo and i seem been sm-ed by those girls =.=''
and there's a malay professional photographer was there...
and he took a lot of out photo cause we look so funny ...
At night we had dinner at Village mall ...
Coz we got movie show around 10.10pm ...
Puss in Boots...
A really nice movie and funny ... But i felt it's so touching ..
Puss and Egg boy was brothers ... Both of them swear brother forever ...
But due to some reason .... they quarrel ...
Puss got a deep scar in his heart ...
Look at them, i felt like shadow of me n him ...
After movie, all go back home without supper... cause after watched the movie,
i also dont have any mood to eat ... no appetite ...
then that night, jun was over night at my house ... by the time we reach home around 12am ...
then he play with my figure to make pose ...
but unfortunaly i broke my Figma's figure hand .. T_T now it's stuck inside.... ....
Then we make many pervert pose for my figure ...
After played, both of us chat until 3am++ until beh tong le then only sleep...
but i can't sleep... feel hungry ...
then go find something eat... after eat, fresh ki ... =.=''
until 7am++ only can sleep.. sleep until 10am then wake up prepare to go penang ....
20 November 2011 Sunday
2011 2011 , a special day.... also penang bridge run today ...
but i had to go penang queensbay today ... wanna take my tamiya mini 4wd from supplier ..
just order it ....too bad is many stock that i wan already stop manufacturing or out of stock ...
then having lunch at queensbay ... Xian Wei restaurant ..
reach home around 4pm ...
take a rest ..... nua nua my bed ....
until 6pm++ go bath and fetch small li , jun and cindy for movie ...
The Advanture of Tin Tin ..
This cartoon was my fav when i was small ...
on the way to fetch jun,
small li joking there said me n jun are so close now.. look like a gay partner ...
well this is her 3rd times saying me gay .. although i know is joke but i will mad for it.. ..
Then cindy she said, last time me and that bro lagi close ... we will called up to ask wanna delivered any food or not ...
then small li keep on saying eeee u really turn gay jor.. dont ler.... and bla bla bla..
It's fucking annoyed me and i choose to be silent ... i lazy to explain so many ...
she can say me ... but please dont say my bro ...
After pick up Jun and we had dinner at the chicken rice shop ...
by 7.45pm, our movie start ...
may be im too tired for whole day whole night ...
i slept in cinema =.='' until the movie end...
it's not because of the movie bored or not nice... but is i really feel tired.. haha
After movie, they went to wash room and i go for arcade ...
play my initial d6aa ...
Cause it's last day for my Akagi Battle Event...
so far my ranking in the world now is top 100 for this even and rank no2 in malaysia..
just change for rm2 and played 3 games.. won 3 continues ... and hit my event point to 30k
When i reach home, i saw my 4th sis was back to sp ...
and she told me something that what mom said to me last few days ago ...
she said .... this baru the real me... this only look like me ... she is mention about my body ..
not fat anymore ... thin =.=''
walao eh, i just measure my weight last nite and today.. last night i got 63.9kg(whole day boh eat ) and today is 66.8kg ( after eat ) .... swt la... my target 80kg ...
3.15am ... my sis suddenly knock my door .. say wanna tell me something...
manatau ... she come in to tell me the joke .... that make both of us rolling on floor laugh ...
mom ask come say us dont so loud .... but the joke was damn funny and make me more fresh now .....
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Bro, when im at semeling jetty i wish u could be there with us ... to take that photo together ...
when i watched puss in boots... i understand the scar in ur heart very deep... deep to ur heart ...
sorry ... really sorry from my bottom of my heart ...
i hope one day, both of us can hanging out to yum cha ... talk any shit we like ... just like we didnt argue before ....
I heard she said, ur phone spoil edi ... seem like u changed to samsumg ...
Do u still remember i told you about vivi using de sony erickson?
now she regret that said the phone lag and wanna change new phone ... haha...
Last friday vivi came to sp ... come to visit my mom...
she asked me how is both of us... i told her i also got no idea ... and then just ask her dont ask about this cause i dont want to mention again ...
and i rather to choose continue trust you ...
what are you doing recently ? any changed ?
well, im doing better than my past now ...
tell you hor... i always though i could let go ... but i always think about what we had done before .... it's automatik remind me ...
from a song ... anime .... movie ..... even food ....
well.... dont eat so much fried or oily food ar.. sleep early too ..
and After i watched puss in boots .... puss and egg boy can be brother back even they argue and betray each other ... i could more believe that we also can... may be this world are realistic but i told you my turn to believe n trust you now right? just dont take it as a pressure ...
like what u said... think far before do anything ...
Because after this movie, i realise that our matter just a small case, we should remind back and feel how we treat each other before in last time more than the moment we quarrel ...
Because i know we wont lose to one argue and lost all our trust and care in the past ...
one more thing is, hope u understand my situation about hanging out with them too. cause im not the organizer and im just follower ... they need me to fetch them as well too ...
and small li didnt say anything about you cause she donno what happen too ... and she just pointing at me nia.. hope u dont mind yea..
Good Night bro ....
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Day 19....
Day 20 ....
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
- 18th November 2011 Friday
Today vivi came to visit me and mom ..
Then me and vivi had lunch at Edo Ichi ....
hmm.. We chat a lot ... crap a lot ...
Until 5pm she drive back to butterworth ... careful when driving yea ..
After that, take a rest .... too tired and outside is raining and make me feel lazy ...
At night went out with Jun for dinner ...
He asked me a lot of thing ....
Had a nice chat with him too ...
After that goto fetch Willy and drop Jun back ..
Then my Initial D6AA start...
Akagi battle event ... and im so bad luck met a fucking pro ass R35 for FOUR TIMES..
He got nice blocking ... lose all the game when battle with him, but im just stick right behind him..... He's so good on blocking already...
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bro how r u doing recently? guess that u also had a long time didnt go for badminton edi rite...
anyway try to do more exercise to avoid high blood pressure and so on ...
well, just a normal care ...
Feel like to share you the feeling when vivi came to visit me ... but .... ....
This weekend penang gurney plaza got japanese festival event ... you going?
So far got eating competition.... wasabi sushi and ramen competition ...
cosplay event , cards game and ++ etc
kinda feel weird im trying to deliver my message to you with this way and im not sure you are reading or not ... haha ...
Oh ya, i dream about you and raymond last night ... raymond become teacher and open a tuition class in ur shop ... me and xiu fu pass by there and you look at me with an angry eyes =.=''
weird dream ...
Day 18
Friday, November 18, 2011
- 17th November 2011 Thursday
Today , a big surprise for me is ... the friend that hanging with me now ... one of them is my best friend when im 7 years old and we been tuition together .....
Had a good day today without any emo thing ....
Enjoying my 气功 class ...
Nothing special but busy for date with friend every night ...
Lunch having together with seow li and rong jun at eupe food court ...
didnt feel full or hungry after i ate duck rice and add duck meat =.=''
Many thing to do now,
gonna learn the piano song myself without anyone teaching ...
continue with my business page and also forum ..
Not enough time for me to do it ..
This week i had my dinner around 12am++ =.=''
Wondering what happen if me and the bro meet again at outside ?
I just act donno and walk pass away ?
treat like a stranger ?
Or give a hi ?
Don't know... See what reaction he give to me first bah ...
Good night bro ...
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Day 17
Thursday, November 17, 2011
-Bitch Come and talk for it or else shut the fuck up and get lost ~
To that one who i mention in previous post,
if u read it and u dont like it...
just come and talk to me...
No need to say anything in front of other ..
What u had done we all knew...
Not only what i written in previous post only ...
Even the C girl also personal message to me and say THANKS for helping her that giving back her pure ...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Even i knew i wrote about that bitch will cause many side effect to me ...
But this is the way i am...
i told yea i wont let any GIRLS stand on my head anymore ...
i endure for so many months ....
if i dont shout out ... IM NOT WHO IM ....
I dont care what will i deserved , i only know if im being silent ... its wont be fair for me..
I'm too kind for you all to bully ...
I being silence doesnt mean i don't know...
I just dont want to argue in wrong timing and i givin chance ....
Don't think im dumb ... you are the one who fooling yourself only ..
May be you are success , but god will let u deserved what you had done today in one day ...
If reality that me n that friend will be like this until the day i end my breath ..
i rather to shout it all thing that piss- me off ...
Because at least i got the good memories with me ...
x bro if you think we just someone who pass-by our life ...
I just wanna let you know.. for me you are not ...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today, i delete and untag a lot of photo between me and him ...
i though these could be erase all my memories or relationship with the friend...
But this, couldn't access because i did appreciate so much ...
Yup, appreciate and respect is in heart ... but different people.. different express for their appreciate and respect .. Just different type doesn't mean not respect or not appreciate ...
If you dont speak it out, other won't know what you are thinking ....
Although i go through my life now, don't know why i like to read back our chat logs... photos...
and some memories ..
I admit that my time was stopped at 19th August 2011 ...
But this is what i deserved because i really fault at early stage to say something hurting a true friends heart ...
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I know someone will angry or whatever after he/she read the post ...
But try to stand on my position.. my situation to think of my feeling ...
Not blaming you all just hope that understand my feeling ...
I dont care what the fuck who's fault ... who's right .... it's doesn't important now ....
那些年，我們一起追的女孩 though me a lot to let go and remember the memories we had ...
I let go not meant by im giving up ... not meant i dont appreciate or what the fuck up ...
Just i blessed from my bottom of my heart to him have a good good life ....
Else i'm just annoyed to him ...
What i can say for myself is ... im really stupid .... .....
But i will stop all these end of this year ...
Next year will be the year that i didn't met with you all ...
New year ... New life ... New friends ....
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Day 16
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
- 13 November 2011 Sunday
-12 November 2011 Saturday night....
Over night at B'zai house tonight and we discuss for tomorrow-sunday trip ...
we chat all the night , facebook-ing , spam group chatting together ...
Until 3am++ we only off to bed ...
But tonight, i cant sleep ... im awake until morning 7am and morning call two leng lui to ask them wake up ... and then i go get ready myself ...
- 13 November 2011 Sunday...
8.30am start to fetch those leng lui go Penang.... and meet A'Zai at queensbay mall to pick him up and let him bring us to try the best food in Penang today.. consider a food trip...
1st we went to BJ complex there had a nice nasi lemak... the sambal n chicken was nice...
and then we go balik pulau there try the siam laksa ...
Then i plan to bring them go batu muagh ,, but forgot the road and go back to georgetown area...
Then we tried mee goreng ... at pulau tikus there... so near my old hostel and i didnt know the mee goreng was so nice and famous ... xD
Next destination .... indian street cendol ...
wooo, surprise me is... there's so many people waiting for the cendol ...
After cendol, new world park ice kacang... although i ate until sien ... but impossible im so selfish and didnt bring them mar ...
well the time around 2pm++ we went to ferry there, try wt wt ice ar.. hmm.... its like jelly + ice and one biji of ... er.... longan =.=''
After that, we went back to queensbay seaside ... because have to drop A'zai back there before 5pm...
3 guys having guy talk there and 2 girls having girl talk there....
Suddenly, someone ask me what happen to me last few weeks ... cause see im so quiet when hanging out ...
so i tell that girl i had quarrel wif my best bro and feel sad for it only ...
im dont want to let her know the story ... and she keep on asking ... make me down ....
and by that time, i saw a car with that plate number.. i look inside the car... is that bro .. ermm... is that friend ...
i was like.. OMFG O.O!!!
i though in sp we always met at outside because of sp small ...
but in penang wor =.='' still can see dao him ...
i don't know this is jodoh or the fate that want me to face it so hard ....
so i told tat girl, the bro i mention just now, just pass by =.='' lolx..
and she keep on forcing to msg him that said i saw him ...
let him know atleast im still caring about his this friend ..
seriously i felt not to disturb him now and calm down myself...
But she keep on forcing me... talk about it .... in the end i send the msg , so she could stop ...
then we went to Sunway Carnival ...
watch 6.45pm movie - 那些年，我们一起追得女孩。。
真的很喜欢这部戏。。
让我感动，心酸和感触到流泪了3-4次。。
看到他们那么好的友情，吵架打架，到后来还是关心着大家。。
明明彼此那么的爱对方。。 可是就是不原意的开口。。
虽然他们俩到最后不能在一起。。 可是相信他们的心中都有大家。 。
看到自己好朋友和自己喜欢的女孩在一起的时， 也没有去干涉他们。。
他们的友情还真的很好。。
如果，真的如果。。 我真的很想回到我们没有吵架时的友情。。
回忆。。这部戏。。 勾起了我很多很多和我的好朋友在一起的回忆。。
不止是和这个兄弟。。 也勾起了我从小到大是的好朋友。。
每一个， 我都记住在心目中。。
有维伦，龙洲，东洲，开源，伟伦，等等。。。
虽然有些在我很小时我们就因为家庭搬家而分开，
可是我的心永远都还记得我们在一起的时刻。。。
不知你还记得我们一起玩ro的时。。 找好吃的食物。。
分享身边的趣事或烦恼。。
互相的扶持着双方。。
一起打球。。 出门走走。。 等。。
真的很想要挽回这个友情，让它变回以前那样。。
可是尽了一切的努力。。 还是不能。。
x也有你自己的生活，我也不必再做贱自己没有尊严的去挽回。
因为你不想， 我再怎么努力的挽回也没有用。。
明明那么小事，却搞到那么严重，一点也不像你。。
哪怕有一天， 你还记得我这个曾经的兄弟，找我喝茶或打球吧。。
因为我说过我会遵守我们是兄弟这个的约定。。 即使你忘了。。
我们那些美好的回忆。。 只会是回忆的陪伴着。。。
不是你的话， 我现在不会发现身边那么多爱我，关心我的朋友。。
也不会振作的为我自己而奋斗。。 我该说谢谢你。。
当然， 我也希望在我那么幸福的生活中， 会有回你和我以前的那段友情，兄弟情。
这个， 看天或你了。。 我还会是一样，选择相信，信任和等。。
再见了。。 friend/bro
有时不去计较一切，勇敢地踏出第一步。。
大家才会快乐。。
说真的我也忘了我们吵架一直到被问起。。
因为我只记得那些美好的回忆。。
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我会记住那个名叫wen xin 的女人。
是她说她很保密。。 这是她的为人。。
我还傻傻的以为她可以是中间人帮我们和好。。
可是， 该说的她不说， 不该说的就说-还是说尾不说头。。。或者是说头不说尾。
还自己做贼心虚删除了我面子书。。
还想在我这里套话。。。
Bitch, 还在他和我的面前说 C女单独的参别人。。
要不是我去问， 永远的被你骗, C女也给你诬蔑了。。
Dont say im rude... Dont say i put the blame on you ...
But in fact you are directly who make this incident become worse..
No wonder she got so less friends around her...
That's what i curious when i friend with her...
Now i know why ...
After asking some's friend that know her...
Just only know she's really BITCH...
Day 15
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
- 11th November 2011 11pm11mins,11sec Day 11
A special day and i made my wish at 11th November 2011, 11am .11mins 11sec ...
I wish that everything will be like last time, our brotherhood never break ...
I know this cant be force but just a little wish ....
Wondering how are this bro now?
How's his life going on? so far so good ?
or still the same, work like dog ? =.=''
Many thing feel wanna talk to ... like, brother's talk? health care?
haizz whatever lar... just joking and bullshit around ... play together .... hope all these will happen again...
He still willing yum cha wif me? i don't know... since so long he didnt contact me already..
Having a good time with friends tonight at Bites ... and i also received a hand make jelly from a girl ^^
Nice.. thanks a lot...
Ystd was a great day for me.. Sold 4 pieces of yugioh card and earn RM200 , and sold my Ferrari car set for RM160 ... just run my business through facebook ...
So far my page that selling bandai's product such as gunpla, mask rider havent done yet...
but before december should be can promote it and forum as well too ...
But at night was a nightmare for me... i though im so good slept at 12am... but i woke up at 1.40am.... 2.30am.. and then 3.20am.... fed up.. cannot sleep back anymore... then wait until 6am++ only sleep back... woke up at 11.11.11 10am++ ... had a bad bad nightmare...
i dream i killed someone , and his soul is coming to me for revenge ...
Day 11
Thursday, November 10, 2011
- Release ....
Don't know why, after this incident about me n him...
I a bit try to accept my sister ...
Try to more communicating with her ...
May be now i understand her feeling that losing the one she love...
The hurt... the pain ... the sadness ... those upset can kills you ...
It's doesnt mean anything, i just realise that.... love everyone beside you...
Love the one who really care on you ...
Trust anybody.... and never give up, miracles might happen everyday...
Life is just like math ... we need to calculate evaluate it from negative to positive ...
Day 10
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
- how to stop ....
everytime i went to KL, i got a feeling that im damn suit kl life...
kl night life i guess ...
i miss kl ... hate to be in sp ... sad place ..
and i realise that, i finish 1 pack of rokok in 2 days..
damn heavy smoker and so hard to stop now..
i cant control not to smoke now...
but still trying my best last two days.. just smoke 2-3 times per day..
sorry that i couldn't keep this promise ... just give me some times to adjust back ..
may be i should prepare my last will .. just in case anything happen to me...
Day 9
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
- 8th November 2011 Tuesday
Haiz... though im so guai zai slept before 1am... manatau .. woke up at 4.45am =.=''
in the end sleep back around 7am and go to work around 11am ...
haiz.. really hate insomia, make me dont have a healthy life style ..
when i can totally relax myself ?
tonite 气功 class... too imba...
they open - love game , poker face , just dance , bad romance ++ song ...
fuiyoh... see dao those uncle aunty ... haha feel funny ...
Recently many memories pass by my mind ...
Having this photo at his house... really a wonderful moment we had..
Kind of symbol of bros but it's past ... i do like we cheer each other by doing punch like this..
haha... tai lou and sai lou ... i look like gangster ... xD
谁对你好，谁对你不好， 难道没眼看吗？
宁愿相信某些人的闲言闲语也不要相信一个没心害你的人？
这难道是所谓的信任？
难道因为了小小错误，就判死刑？
阿阿阿阿阿啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊～～～～～
不要以为什么都是你对。 我不出声和争论只是我希望快点把事情结束。
你要说就说， 我要说时你就不听，自私吗？
要乱的话，早就乱倒荷兰了。。
难道没有顾到别人的感受吗？
发泄完了。。
最近不知干吗， 遇到这样的人。。 还好不是很熟。。
希望某某人不会误会是他就好。。这只不过是个发泄的过程来平衡心态。。
看来真的要看心理医生。。 心理有点不平衡了。。
不知要等到几时。。
还好最近一直有人约。。
还有的是 Ａ仔和Ｂ仔。。 还蛮关心人的。。
Day 8
Monday, November 7, 2011
- KL KL KL ..
坐5th November 2011 11.59pm 的巴士去KL .。
7早8早到那边。。 吃mcd早餐 =.='' ( 一直mcd不会sien mer )
整晚在巴士不能睡。。 脑海中闪过了很多的回忆。。
某某回忆和一些以前和他们来kl比赛的回忆。。
虽然这次， 我没有比， 可是精神上支持。。
9am++ 我参两个朋友去找hotel。。 做好了一切后， 进房休息。。
很累的我。。 看到床， 竟然睡不到 =.=''
算了， 休息一下， 要赶到 Time Square 去meet 朋友。。
一些玩 Initial D6aa 的人 。。
本打算等下去One Utama 的， 因为还有要meet的朋友在那边。。
可是， nigel 他们比赛那边出了点出错， 搞到每个人都很火。。
我只好叫他们回房好好休息和准备吧。。
没办法， 只好call 给那个要meet 我的朋友说我不能去1U 了。。
到了晚上， tmd 他们又再要吃 mcd 因为懒惰找 =.=''
吃完后， 就等朋友来载我去 Desa Sri Petaling 那边meet 人， 喝茶。。。
然后我们还下到 那边打snooker..
还游车河。。。 下MidValley
可是我要早回， 因为没有room key。。 1.45 am 到房间。。
可是又是一个失眠的晚上。。。 我和朋友在电话聊天到4.30am 才睡觉。。
在下午的时候， 我msg 问候了一位兄弟， 可是多希望在msg 中我是写bro而不是friend/dude。
不过，还是要多多看开和接受吧。 相同的命运就是我们到最后还是放弃自己的梦想。。
和家里做工。。
隔天， 7th November 2011 Sunday 。。
比赛当天。。 Good Luck to them bah..
我大概11.30am 就等我的姐姐来在我去 One Utama 然后 Ikano/Ikea。。
因为要过去买4wd车和坐朋友的车回sp。。
要不然我要等到12am的巴士。。 我会发疯的。。
真个下午我的很冲忙。 快快买完了就走人。。。
吃也吃快快。。 哈哈。。。
晚上收到好消息。 nigel的team。。 拿到了Msia 第三名。。
下次自己驾车来。。 因为还有3-4gang的朋友， 没有空和他们见面。。
Recently there's so many friends accompany around me...
Especially A and B ... three virgo guy =.='' i should go have a nick with C at the start ..
hmm.. i guess they might say [C]ock =.=''
Planning next time going down to KL with both of them...
Already decide to go just haven't plan the date yet..
Have to come down to check all the modelling/toy's price list and shopping eat ho liao...
Cheer up and take care mr.TO
Friday, November 4, 2011
- 3th November 2011 Thursday
Went to yak wha for my lunch today and take a visit to factory see how they produce the snack ...
Now all using machine, last time when mom working at this factory, all hand job ..
Today 的气功班太厉害了，他们开clubbing de song.. Got friday night, hit on the dance floor, give me everything tonight ... Etc,
Imagine inside all old folk and listen to this kind of song .. Really LOLZ
Imagine inside all old folk and listen to this kind of song .. Really LOLZ
Music really can make people feel happy / relax in good situation ...
Still the same feeling, look at those uncle aunty enjoy with smile face... i feel so glad...
Don't know why i got this feeling, may be it's because i miss my grandpa and grandma..
That why i more love to old folks..
After finish the class, gel called me supper with him...
He told me something happen on him and make him unhappy ...
Plan to go old town, but i changed my mind to E-burger..
After reach home, i felt so lucky that i didnt go old town...
Why i seem like trying to escape from someone ?
May be i really need sometime to accept the fact ...
In the class, i told myself everyone are having their life... just let go the unhappy thing but not giving up ...
Live for my ownself .... do what i should do ...
See... even him also having a happy life now and forget the past .... why i cant?
i know my ownself dont want to forget his goods and the memories ... that's why i cant make it ... or can say i dont want to let go ...
I wanted to remember what i have done, what's my mistake ....
Day 4
Temperory say Good-Bye to Sungai Petani-ans...
Thursday, November 3, 2011
- 2011 11 02 Wednesday
平常的一天。。 还是到了晚上就忙碌。。
很开心的和朋友去看戏。 看一些不该看的东西。。
还商量几时要去club喝酒。。
gel 说看到我都替我担心。。 说吃饭时， 看到我的手一直抖。。 =A='''
整个晚上一直吃。。
8pm+ 吃炒饭， 9pm+ 吃chicken popcorn , 10pm+ 吃烧肉面和chicken wing。。
还是饿。。。
回家吃零食， chocolate =.=''
不明白什么肚子来。。。 吃不饱。。
___________________________________________________________________
TMD 为什么最近看的戏都说那些经典的话。。 什么一日兄弟， 一生都是兄弟， 什么兄弟没有隔夜仇。。。
什么只要相信，一切都会成真。。
看看了， 发现原来我一直以来都骗着自己。。
好累。。 明明只要放开， 就好了。
干吗要犯奸呢， 干吗不放弃？ 自己也不明白。。
只知道自己相信会有那么的一天到来。。
最近真的pokai９９ 。 吃还是不敢花钱。。 毕竟需要到ＲＭ２ｋ来救我的ｈａｒｄｄｉｓｋ．． 有时就吃多， 有时一天一餐的经济饭。。 多数也是在晚餐。。。
day 3
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
- What i had learn today
Insomia until 5am+ only sleep..
It continues 1 week jor...
haizz ....
Early morning drive to Penang, see doctor... can say see my uncle.. he's doctor..
He said i no need eat any medicine for my thyroid...
And he scold WHAT THE HELL to this stupid wellness lab charge so expensive and
did so much unnecessary test ....
After that went to Gurney Plaza meet up with friend ...
Actually only meet up a friend and train initial d6aa de..
But met 3 gangs of friends at gurney plaza...
=.='' Home town at sungai petani but very less met any friend here...
Once in Penang, met so many friends..
Wondering should i go to Penang?
5pm back to sp from penang... but 7pm reach home =.=''
Fast fast rush bath and go out..
Cause friend's mom tarik me go train 气功。。
First time went there and learn 气功。。
I learn many new thing there...
Look at those aunty and uncle, they are so enjoy for the dance? or warming up?.. wtever la
Some of them, did so hard... big movement...
There's a aunty wear mini skirt and dance like dancing in the club... LOLZ..
The song also HOT than we teenagers song...
And mix up the song with chinese / malay and ++ like really 1 Malaysia...
Right there making my mind so fresh and feel so glad...
So old aunty uncle ... some of them consider grandpa and grandma...
Still training there and having a good healthy life... Proud of them...
After the training ....
Looking for food.. Because just realise that whole day so busy until didn't eat =.=''
Plan go to bites but close then went to Summer Pearl ...
Don't know is 天作弄人 or what .... Met a birthday boy there ...
haha in the end i realise i not dare to ask him out tonight was right ...
btw.. wish him Happy Birthday bah ...
Day 1
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