- 算了吧,不要緊,會過去的 ~

- 15 December 2011 Thursday

Today happen something that's really bad in early morning..
Jun still so emo and talk to me..
He said that he's so unlucky for some reason..
ACtually everyone got their good and bad luck..
The thing we cant achieve doesnt mean we are bad luck..
And as son/daughter ..We should learn to respect our parents
ya, i know.. they dont understand us or even try to control what we did..
But they are just love us .. care us ..
Just that may be different generation and they using wrong way to show us their love and care to us ..

Afternoon, Small fb chat with me ..
She keep on want to know something from me ..
I told her, i got my reason that i cannot tell out because i promise someone.
I as her friend, i hope she understand my situation and my feeling..
But she's so ego and keep on forcing me to tell about it.
In the end, i left the conversation because i knew, if continue like this..
I will burst out and lost control ..
After i left, i msn Jun to said that im really so angry and kinda lost control..
But , what i had received is .. he come and k me because i left the conversation..
Why Jun you dont make thing clear before u say anything?

The thing u read is not part 1... you should make the thing clear first before you wan to k me mah..
In the end, we had little bit of argue through msn..
and he said something same like what Dragonzai said to me..
It's totally exactly same ... same situation, same sentence , same mood ..
I can felt my mind , my heart are so hurt because it pull out all my sadness in the past ..

I just want to keep the promise that me and dragonzai made.
why you all want to force me to say about it?
even i said out, what you all can get? nothing...
Just because of ur kepo want to know..
and i get hurt ..

Jun at first said i went wrong..
you said i don't wanna play with her because it will cause misunderstanding..
i didnt state it clearly ..
i did said already... i dont want other to misunderstand us and i got my own reason..
as friend, should understand my 苦衷 right ?

if small dont sufficient with my this reason .. then this is her problem..
why i should break my promise with my bro because of her own sufficient?
I said if i did the thing she want me to play, i will cause in BIG BIG TROUBLE..
why want me to play it, want me to say it? it's that so fun to see me die ?
I'm guilty everyday now and mental torturing myself everyday now..
really wan force me until i suicide then only happy izziz?

Jun you are not giving me suggestion..
What i received from your msg is you are standing on her side and indirectly want to me say out my reason to her ...HELL NO WAY !! ..

After this incident, i realise that i couldnt walk out from my phobia being losing my best bro in my life..

watched a clip today.. it's about brotherhood ..
in this reality world, i know no one will have 义气 with you anymore..
But i still pay out a little percent of hope wish to met this kind of person..
i found it.. raymond and rocky ..
the one who care me even they are not with me..
I didnt meant Jun are not ... Jun care me always.. i know..
you also the important person in my life..
may be, me and jun havent met something so i cant answer with this..

Tonight, Jun still havent cheer up..
he closed himself alone, im fucking worried about him now ..
But may be i should trust him that he can solve all his problem alone..
because he's not 3 years old boy anymore..
what i can say is .. remember this 算了吧"。"不要緊"。"會過去的"
I will be there with you when u need ..
I wont abandon my bros when they need me..


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long, may be i cause you a lot of problems . sorry .. this is what i can say.
almost end of the year 2011..
i hope you and me can put down what we hurt for each others ..
so that you will be more happy..
sometime i think, if i don't appear in your life..
you wont get hurt ...
may be we just 有缘无份 become brother/friend..
but i appreciate you.. thanks you for everything , every care you gave me.


Day 45