- 12,13,14 December 2011

- 12 December 2011 Monday

Heavy rain this evening..
after work .. i stand under the rain..
let it rain over me..
i feel fresh and feel better under the rain..
my whole body are wet and mixed up together with my tears ..
how stupid am i ...

- 13 December 2011 Tuesday
Dad promise to have dinner with me tonight ..
Because daddy and mommy going to Singapore tomorrow ..
I was so hungry since 4pm++ and i wait my dad until 7pm..
and i see mom was so busy there so that i asked him am i going out dinner with dad or ?
and she K me ... =.=''
and i wait until 8pm..
i cant stand already...
i started gastric ..
In the end.. my dinner , eat with my friends...

- 14 December 2011 Thursday
Hanging out with Jun, Nigel , Ayameh and Small ..
Went to my secret base ..
Today is Hug valentine's day .. We hug each other to cheer each other up..
That night, don't know why everyone are so emo when we are sitting at the playground...
I feel so down when look at them like this..
I tried many way to cheer them up..

Small told me , Raymond are so care about me..
Raymond msn her to ask her to cheer me up since she are always with me..
i'm already so down because of look at them so emo and Small always ask me to put down my bro...
But i didnt say much to her because she don't know what happen actually ..
She just know i losing a best bro in my life ..
After i heard she said raymond so care for me ...
I felt so touch and my tears like out of control and keep on dropping ...

At afternoon, Jun told me he is so mad.
I understand ur situation, ur feeling..
Because this is what i experience before .. also my childhood life ..
Exactly same ..

I felt so useless, Jun's so mad ... i cant even help him to cool down and make him feel better...
At night, Jun was so emo... so down...
But i tried all my best to cheer him up..
I failed .. In the end i asked for Small help ..
She did it and im glad for that ..
But in other way.. i felt im seriously damn fucking useless.. how noob am i ..

Look at them like that, i always act like im so happy without emo ..
But inside my heart, there's thousands of knife cucuk tiao me ..
When i down, i don't dare to speak it out ..
I don't know who i should talk to..
Even after i speak it out, nothing can be changed ..
So i made the lie to them said that.. im really okay, i didn't emo of anything ..
im just down because look at them was so emo..
Because everyone so down, why i should say im down also?
I must be cheerful and cheer them up ..
I also don't know who can really understand my feel..
They just said some advice that what they though but it's truly hurt me.

In the end, i choose to be tough .. be silent .. to be cheerful like last time.
Seriously pressing down my depression and cheer others up.. are so hard.
because i have to control my emotion ...

Tonight, we saw a lot meteor star...
the second and third star, i made a wish that me and my bro can be close like last time...
the 4th star, i wish everyone around me , can have a good life in the future and always be happy ...
I feel sad when look at them are so down..

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hey bro, really hope u will be there with us to enjoy the moment we waited for the meteor star. ..


Day 44