冲。。 Msia 第一。。 不过还是差 ２０千的分数。。
看来明天要早早１０点就去跑了。。
到了回家时，不愉快的事发生。。
想找个人来讲，可是到头来，吵架。
那时的心差点哭了出来，可是硬吞下那股气和忍下来，不让那些事会让我后悔的事在发生。。
真的很诱惑，有人说不开心说了出来会舒服，为什么我感不到反而使更加的烦？
有些话说得对，自己的痛，没人会懂，其实根本没有感同深受这回事，针不刺到别人身上，他们就不知道有多痛。
是吗？我自己也不知道。。
不过自己现在才发现，本身缺乏了爱和关怀。
在家，得不到那种的爱。
不如就承认，我没有那么坚强，只是想被温暖抱一下。。
有时在想，自己对朋友都不错，为什么一个真心的朋友是那么难找。
可能每个人有他们的生活，本身的自私还是我自己的态度有问题？
我不骗，不偷，不抢。。为了身边的人，不顾一切的去帮。。
可是到后来，得到的是自己委屈。。
虽然我比很多人幸福，就因为我有物质上的爱。。
可是他们知不知道，我是多么的那么想要一个温暖的家，温暖的关怀。。
每天，回到家都是自己一个人在房间，或是看不到父母。。
有时尝试去和父母沟通。。可是他们只说 hmm, ah, oh... 或者就是讲我这个讲我那个， 如果。。。
如果我真的错，我接受。 可是为什么都是说我些无谓的事情？
人与人，不管是家人还是朋友，最重要的还是沟通。
多沟通，会减少误会。
沟通时，冷静下来，好好的听完才发言。。
看到很多人多数都会在沟通的是吵架。。
如果大家心平气和的聊天， 那么就不伤感情了阿。
真的很想怪上天为什么要让我每次都被朋友伤害。
一次又一次。。 每年都会发生。。
是我太注重朋友还是。。。。。
不过，拥有几个真心朋友比找一大堆朋友要更重要。。
可是就是很不想和那几个真心朋友翻脸，有时都压制着自己的真真感想和感觉。。
人家说， easy come, easy go。。
一向来我都不信。。可是自己亲身体验过，不得不信。。
现在才知道，原来要坚强，真的很累很累。。
自己的伤心，自己知。。 自己啃。。
我想要的不过是一个不管多难却始终都会在我身边的人。不管是家人还是朋友。。
只想要任性的需要人来陪伴。。
如果我想别人那么自私，不顾别人的感受那么几好。。这样就能独来独往。
看到人说：需要什么感受,讨厌什么事情,你告诉别人,别人才会懂 ＊
真的吗？如果告诉了，变成了一个挽不回的下场，谁来负责？
说好的永远，不知怎么就散了，感情原来是这么脆弱的。。
或许说，每个人都怕被伤害，被伤害了一次又一次。。
心中的那个守护墙也渐渐的驱动。。
看了Jay Chou 的新歌mv , 明白了不要等到世界末日才来珍惜身边的人。。
自己想了想， 如果明天是世界末日，我会做什么。。
原来我第一个想到的是朋友。。 后家人。。
搞不明白为什么会这样。。
原本很期待两天后的到来。 不知道为什么，感觉被泼冷水。。 每有那个心出去庆祝。。
是时候休息吃饭了。。
正正２４小时多没吃到。。
Day 59
Count Down 2 Days
Friday, December 30, 2011
- 28 December 2011 Wednesday
很快的就到了２８号。
还有三天。。
希望自己的心情可以好好开心的度过最后的这几天。。
不想新的一年是那么不开心的。。
发现了一样东西。。
是去年我和vivi 一起庆祝 xmas eve 的东西。。
看会了她在哪儿写了很多关于我们的事。。
心里有种很心酸的感觉。。
还有三天。。
希望自己的心情可以好好开心的度过最后的这几天。。
不想新的一年是那么不开心的。。
发现了一样东西。。
是去年我和vivi 一起庆祝 xmas eve 的东西。。
看会了她在哪儿写了很多关于我们的事。。
心里有种很心酸的感觉。。
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
-27 December 2011 Tuesday
O.O'' cant sleep last night, 7am++ only sleep ...
some more watch dragon ball GT until drop tears ...
Somehow, i don't really understand why should make lies to family members.
Some more the eldest one asking me to make lies to everyone.
Even i did the lie, the fact was there and it' wont be changed.
There's always a way to find out the truth.
Look at disappointed face of my niece, i feel sad.
Why have to break their promise just because of you 做贼心虚。 dumbass
Totally made me pissed off and got no mood to eat my lunch.. Full already .
What i hope just a lovely caring family.
People always said im rich, do i really look rich?
Even though im rich, that's not my money.
Even rich, do you think i have a lovely family?
I admit that can see out i treat friends good than family,
but do you all know how much i love my family?
I'm too love my family that's why i cant look at them always quarrel.
already a bad mood whole afternoon for me .
worry people also tiok k.
ask for attention for discussion, in the end im the one who keep on typing there..
felt like im so stupid to put down all my work and discuss for it.
fucking bad mood.
hope that im not PMS today =.=''
later those sis came back again. sienz ...
hope tonight i can really sleep..
but i dont think so.. already insomia 3 nights...
and almost year end... i ... afraid ... haizz...
Day 57
Count down 4 days
some more watch dragon ball GT until drop tears ...
Somehow, i don't really understand why should make lies to family members.
Some more the eldest one asking me to make lies to everyone.
Even i did the lie, the fact was there and it' wont be changed.
There's always a way to find out the truth.
Look at disappointed face of my niece, i feel sad.
Why have to break their promise just because of you 做贼心虚。 dumbass
Totally made me pissed off and got no mood to eat my lunch.. Full already .
What i hope just a lovely caring family.
People always said im rich, do i really look rich?
Even though im rich, that's not my money.
Even rich, do you think i have a lovely family?
I admit that can see out i treat friends good than family,
but do you all know how much i love my family?
I'm too love my family that's why i cant look at them always quarrel.
already a bad mood whole afternoon for me .
worry people also tiok k.
ask for attention for discussion, in the end im the one who keep on typing there..
felt like im so stupid to put down all my work and discuss for it.
fucking bad mood.
hope that im not PMS today =.=''
later those sis came back again. sienz ...
hope tonight i can really sleep..
but i dont think so.. already insomia 3 nights...
and almost year end... i ... afraid ... haizz...
Day 57
Count down 4 days
Monday, December 26, 2011
- 26 December 2011 Monday
Congratulation to Jimmy ..
Got world ranking for Sadamine event No.15 and Top.1 in Malaysia..
And my hand is ... out of energy =.='' pain
Slept for 5-6 hours then wake up ..
And my sis called me up scold me why i told other sis about dad bought ipad for jojo... But the first day we plan to buy , they already know ..
WTH to this family members?
So wish someone will be in Msia so that i can find him to 诉苦。。
Got world ranking for Sadamine event No.15 and Top.1 in Malaysia..
And my hand is ... out of energy =.='' pain
Slept for 5-6 hours then wake up ..
And my sis called me up scold me why i told other sis about dad bought ipad for jojo... But the first day we plan to buy , they already know ..
WTH to this family members?
So wish someone will be in Msia so that i can find him to 诉苦。。
- 25 December 2011 Sunday
EVENT !~!~!~~~ ...
Initial D event ....
seem like my skills gone to Master+
Every opponent i met, with rainbow aura =.='' all gayness insane japanese players..
so, spend rm10 for the event and rm8 for instore battle to make video clip...
Then Jimmy wanna push his event score to malaysia top1,
we switch together to play for the event and i played for free...
which means... i was sitting there play for them from 5pm++ until 8pm++ =.=''
my shoulder / hand was so pain ..
When drive home, my leg was shaking non stop there =.=''
Reach home around 9pm...
haven't take my dinner yet and so hungry + tired there..
Well... tiring make me felt emo..
make me think of something make me down...
looking for someone tabao for me .. and yamateh she tabao dinner for me lolx.. tqtq
going to sleep around 2am+ and saw nigel's fb was so emo ..
start to chat with him... haizz, wan pity him or what i also dono..
everything he suffer also got his excuse..
always said that he's lonely, no friends... then why im wasting my time to talk to him?
i also felt lonely and i don't speak it out also ar..
im so pek cek tonight and also bad mood, i wish to find someone to talk to...
atleast nigel im still chatting with you.. willing to listen what you wanna share.
talk to him until 5am++ and i cant stand anymore.. too tired... and sleepy..
Don't understand why did i cry before i sleep.. only know i felt sad.. haiz...
stupid needle stick in my heart.. siennnaa
Day 55
Count Down 6 Days
Initial D event ....
seem like my skills gone to Master+
Every opponent i met, with rainbow aura =.='' all gayness insane japanese players..
so, spend rm10 for the event and rm8 for instore battle to make video clip...
Then Jimmy wanna push his event score to malaysia top1,
we switch together to play for the event and i played for free...
which means... i was sitting there play for them from 5pm++ until 8pm++ =.=''
my shoulder / hand was so pain ..
When drive home, my leg was shaking non stop there =.=''
Reach home around 9pm...
haven't take my dinner yet and so hungry + tired there..
Well... tiring make me felt emo..
make me think of something make me down...
looking for someone tabao for me .. and yamateh she tabao dinner for me lolx.. tqtq
going to sleep around 2am+ and saw nigel's fb was so emo ..
start to chat with him... haizz, wan pity him or what i also dono..
everything he suffer also got his excuse..
always said that he's lonely, no friends... then why im wasting my time to talk to him?
i also felt lonely and i don't speak it out also ar..
im so pek cek tonight and also bad mood, i wish to find someone to talk to...
atleast nigel im still chatting with you.. willing to listen what you wanna share.
talk to him until 5am++ and i cant stand anymore.. too tired... and sleepy..
Don't understand why did i cry before i sleep.. only know i felt sad.. haiz...
stupid needle stick in my heart.. siennnaa
Day 55
Count Down 6 Days
Saturday, December 24, 2011
- 24 December 2011 Saturday
Having a bored xmas eve i ever been ..
but outside seem gonna be rain .. the sky are so red... strong wind ..
well..
xmas wor.. anyone got wish for their xmas?
hehe i wan be greedy a bit this year because this is my first time to make a wish on xmas..
I wish i can be more tough and become a professional business man..
I wish everyone around me are happy and enjoy their life..
I wish Jun can control his hot temper .. slowly .. slowly.. and his dream come true.
I wish raymond and rocky didi can have good result there..
Forgive and forget, NOT revenge and regret .
I wish him, hmm... have a good life style and health.. not to sleep so late.. take care ..
two thing make me so sad today is..
i can't celebrate xmas eve with you all ..
and reading back the chat logs between me n him..
make me remind of my harddisk..
haiz... no more liao.. 2nd shop also said their factory also failed to recover it..
may be wish myself can have a new n fresh opening with him again next year ^^ cheer ...
EVERYONE.. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Day 54
Count down 7 days
but outside seem gonna be rain .. the sky are so red... strong wind ..
well..
xmas wor.. anyone got wish for their xmas?
hehe i wan be greedy a bit this year because this is my first time to make a wish on xmas..
I wish i can be more tough and become a professional business man..
I wish everyone around me are happy and enjoy their life..
I wish Jun can control his hot temper .. slowly .. slowly.. and his dream come true.
I wish raymond and rocky didi can have good result there..
Forgive and forget, NOT revenge and regret .
I wish him, hmm... have a good life style and health.. not to sleep so late.. take care ..
two thing make me so sad today is..
i can't celebrate xmas eve with you all ..
and reading back the chat logs between me n him..
make me remind of my harddisk..
haiz... no more liao.. 2nd shop also said their factory also failed to recover it..
may be wish myself can have a new n fresh opening with him again next year ^^ cheer ...
EVERYONE.. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Day 54
Count down 7 days
- 23 December 2011 Friday
I really love my dad.
He's going to KL with sis today.
But he did full tank petrol every car in the house.
I'm thinking my dad are so care about family.
Before he go for travel also help us prepare everything..
He know my sis financial a bit problem, he also bank in for her every months..
Always gave us what we wants, what we needs...
I hope when i grow up, and become a father.. i want be like my dad..
Love family members.. take care of everything..
I guess it might be very stress but it's my responsible.
Suddenly think of my 3rd sis knock my door last night before i sleep..
she come and ask me... kia, lets go down smoke .. =.=''
i was very shock when i heard this.. and i reply ok . kia =.='' zha dou ..
Small lui told me that yamateh cannot go to penang tomorrow because want to clean the house ..
im like omfg . aeroplane ...
i rejected three groups of friends that invite me for xmas celebration and now .. kena aeroplane ......
sienz.. in the end i decided to stay at house accompany my mom since dad went to KL..
8.30pm went bowling with sotong and met a new friend ..
seem like i need a personal ball next year, because got kaki play bowling with me already ...
after bowling, around 10.45pm ..
went to Ntech meet dolphinZai since he came back from kampar i havent meet him yet and also busy until cannot meet him..
we played dota until 1.45am...
reach home at 2am ..
and ate my supper.. chicken rice ^^ haha chicken rice again.. my dinner also chicken rice..
something surprise me tonight is, i saw him online on fb and he shared chrupchrup page... that page is melissa asked me to help her to open the link because she can earn money from there..
i try to pm him for chat about that, he reply me =.=''
and we had a short chat and i plan to sleep edi..
but in the end im too happy until can't sleep
around 3am.. skype with ling wei ..
the girl that same name with me ...
she share me that she got a really good friends that care for her so much..
share me how is her birthday and her travel trip to .. erm.. donno what's that place name .. lolx...
i also told her, there's a group of friends carry me up .. cheer me up .. care me.. love me .. worry me..
especially my brother - raymond. having final year in UTM but still worry how am i recently ...
and also Jun, he and his mom care about my health so much .. look like my half mother ^^
his mom same age with my mom ... and i can see my mom from jun's mother..
hmm.. i promise jun to assemble his gunpla very nice as his xmas present..
well, don't know i can do it or not since my skills wasn't so good .
He's going to KL with sis today.
But he did full tank petrol every car in the house.
I'm thinking my dad are so care about family.
Before he go for travel also help us prepare everything..
He know my sis financial a bit problem, he also bank in for her every months..
Always gave us what we wants, what we needs...
I hope when i grow up, and become a father.. i want be like my dad..
Love family members.. take care of everything..
I guess it might be very stress but it's my responsible.
Suddenly think of my 3rd sis knock my door last night before i sleep..
she come and ask me... kia, lets go down smoke .. =.=''
i was very shock when i heard this.. and i reply ok . kia =.='' zha dou ..
Small lui told me that yamateh cannot go to penang tomorrow because want to clean the house ..
im like omfg . aeroplane ...
i rejected three groups of friends that invite me for xmas celebration and now .. kena aeroplane ......
sienz.. in the end i decided to stay at house accompany my mom since dad went to KL..
8.30pm went bowling with sotong and met a new friend ..
seem like i need a personal ball next year, because got kaki play bowling with me already ...
after bowling, around 10.45pm ..
went to Ntech meet dolphinZai since he came back from kampar i havent meet him yet and also busy until cannot meet him..
we played dota until 1.45am...
reach home at 2am ..
and ate my supper.. chicken rice ^^ haha chicken rice again.. my dinner also chicken rice..
something surprise me tonight is, i saw him online on fb and he shared chrupchrup page... that page is melissa asked me to help her to open the link because she can earn money from there..
i try to pm him for chat about that, he reply me =.=''
and we had a short chat and i plan to sleep edi..
but in the end im too happy until can't sleep
around 3am.. skype with ling wei ..
the girl that same name with me ...
she share me that she got a really good friends that care for her so much..
share me how is her birthday and her travel trip to .. erm.. donno what's that place name .. lolx...
i also told her, there's a group of friends carry me up .. cheer me up .. care me.. love me .. worry me..
especially my brother - raymond. having final year in UTM but still worry how am i recently ...
and also Jun, he and his mom care about my health so much .. look like my half mother ^^
his mom same age with my mom ... and i can see my mom from jun's mother..
hmm.. i promise jun to assemble his gunpla very nice as his xmas present..
well, don't know i can do it or not since my skills wasn't so good .
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
- fresh day ~
after emo for yesterday..
today woke up with a fresh mind when i saw someone's message ..
and make me feel that, at least im not alone..
a new day with fresh mind without any emo thing..
ate two pack chicken rice.. one big one small as my lunch.. ^^
full full and make me no emo le..
and continue watch tutorial about internet marketing in office..
cause nothing do there =.=''
so try to learn new thing to know more business market..
at night, went to village mall... train my initial d..
cause my friend said that he broke my no1 ranking in store record..
haha... create FT-86 6gear car.. in 5 games, i took back my ranking edi..
although it's my first time to use that car..
after initial d...
i remind what raymond told me...
he told me last time, next time if you argue/or any problem happen between friends..
try to think of their good to you ... this sentence, make me more confident to trust my friends around me..
but trust is trust... after reaching home, i found out that, i still been left out.. haizz..
so i tell my self, whatever la... it will be past .. forget it..
this is what they choose...
i am who i am... they wont affect me ...
because i want be tough, if i cant even take good care of myself,
i not qualified to take care of others..
updating my blog and skype with my didi-puppyzai and hawkzai ..
siennaaa... listen to their mouse click but cant join them for dota..
hope the nightmare i dream just now, wont happen..
because i don't think i can take the hurt again of seeing someone that you care leaving you again..
-----------------------------------------------------------------
bro, xmas coming.. any plan for you?
i wanted to invite you to join me for xmas eve and new year eve..
but, don't know how to speak it out to you..
anyway.. hope you got a nice day for it.. chills..
take care yourself and good nights..
day 51
today woke up with a fresh mind when i saw someone's message ..
and make me feel that, at least im not alone..
a new day with fresh mind without any emo thing..
ate two pack chicken rice.. one big one small as my lunch.. ^^
full full and make me no emo le..
and continue watch tutorial about internet marketing in office..
cause nothing do there =.=''
so try to learn new thing to know more business market..
at night, went to village mall... train my initial d..
cause my friend said that he broke my no1 ranking in store record..
haha... create FT-86 6gear car.. in 5 games, i took back my ranking edi..
although it's my first time to use that car..
after initial d...
i remind what raymond told me...
he told me last time, next time if you argue/or any problem happen between friends..
try to think of their good to you ... this sentence, make me more confident to trust my friends around me..
but trust is trust... after reaching home, i found out that, i still been left out.. haizz..
so i tell my self, whatever la... it will be past .. forget it..
this is what they choose...
i am who i am... they wont affect me ...
because i want be tough, if i cant even take good care of myself,
i not qualified to take care of others..
updating my blog and skype with my didi-puppyzai and hawkzai ..
siennaaa... listen to their mouse click but cant join them for dota..
hope the nightmare i dream just now, wont happen..
because i don't think i can take the hurt again of seeing someone that you care leaving you again..
-----------------------------------------------------------------
bro, xmas coming.. any plan for you?
i wanted to invite you to join me for xmas eve and new year eve..
but, don't know how to speak it out to you..
anyway.. hope you got a nice day for it.. chills..
take care yourself and good nights..
day 51
- 20 December 2011 Tuesday
What a fucking emo day for me..
the feeling of fear , phobia , suspect , depress are make me so hard to breath and stand ..
the weak of me had come out and it's took me a very long time to fight back..
my mind are full of negative thinking...
i keep on cheer myself up...
telling myself just that im think too much ~ ~
but in the end i cant stand for it...
i talk to jun with a broken heart..
although i ask him to help me up.. but i know, i still have to help myself and more depend on myself..
i hate emo, because once i emo.. i will be very very emo.
Took my lunch around 4-5pm+... eat cintan mee..
and wait for dinner..
got to meet up my primary school friend..
we talked a lot of our childhood..
how we making fun in d school..
our pj class... our english teacher..
class celebration party ...
naughty thing that we made..
when we was small kid, we know to play beyblade, wau , congkang congkit, bak kuli.
talk about how innocent and naive when we small...
but didnt take my dinner with them.. still moody ..
and then we discuss for our class party on coming cny ..
sometime i am like this... 我从不喜欢让别人看见我的眼泪，我宁可让别人觉得我快乐的没心没肺，也不愿让自己看起来委屈可怜。 because it's make me become more tough ..
although it's sound like lying to myself but it's the way to be tough..
i want to hide my emotion because i know 不是每个人，都适合和你白头到老。..
i insist to believe in him because 有的人，是拿来一辈子怀念的..
when you need someone, im always right there;
but when i need someone beside me or talk to me, i can't find any of them..
this make me realise that, i still have to depend on myself.. be tough..
was so down and insomia...
but around 2am++ my didi skype with me.. until 3am+.. when im trying to sleep around 4am..
hawkzai say want to skype with me... coz too sien...
ok lo... then we skype until 4.45am.. and i slept around 5am++ =.=''
the feeling of fear , phobia , suspect , depress are make me so hard to breath and stand ..
the weak of me had come out and it's took me a very long time to fight back..
my mind are full of negative thinking...
i keep on cheer myself up...
telling myself just that im think too much ~ ~
but in the end i cant stand for it...
i talk to jun with a broken heart..
although i ask him to help me up.. but i know, i still have to help myself and more depend on myself..
i hate emo, because once i emo.. i will be very very emo.
Took my lunch around 4-5pm+... eat cintan mee..
and wait for dinner..
got to meet up my primary school friend..
we talked a lot of our childhood..
how we making fun in d school..
our pj class... our english teacher..
class celebration party ...
naughty thing that we made..
when we was small kid, we know to play beyblade, wau , congkang congkit, bak kuli.
talk about how innocent and naive when we small...
but didnt take my dinner with them.. still moody ..
and then we discuss for our class party on coming cny ..
sometime i am like this... 我从不喜欢让别人看见我的眼泪，我宁可让别人觉得我快乐的没心没肺，也不愿让自己看起来委屈可怜。 because it's make me become more tough ..
although it's sound like lying to myself but it's the way to be tough..
i want to hide my emotion because i know 不是每个人，都适合和你白头到老。..
i insist to believe in him because 有的人，是拿来一辈子怀念的..
when you need someone, im always right there;
but when i need someone beside me or talk to me, i can't find any of them..
this make me realise that, i still have to depend on myself.. be tough..
was so down and insomia...
but around 2am++ my didi skype with me.. until 3am+.. when im trying to sleep around 4am..
hawkzai say want to skype with me... coz too sien...
ok lo... then we skype until 4.45am.. and i slept around 5am++ =.=''
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
- 19 December 2011 Monday
7 morning 8 morning... awake in bad mood .. =.=''
stupid dream ...
this morning dad called me, he ask me to buy a new handphone for mom and want me to buy psp for my niece..
=.='' well its not worth to have psp for her.. so i suggest dad to get ipad2.. so that sis also can use for it , and also can facetime with us.
dad agree for it.. because he wanna buy that for my 6years old lovely niece as birthday present =.=''
lolx.. im glad that she can have ipad2..
i post in facebook but seem got people misunderstand what im trying to share..
im not jealous for it .. im glad and im appreciate also..
and my sis she said i complain because dad buy for her not me =.=??
somemore said i high request for it =.=''?
wth? im giving suggestion so that you can use the ipad2 also..
just stfu if u don't know how much it cost for original game for psp since u all don't know how to download it .
I suggest the most cheap ipad2 .. it's only cost for rm1499..
But, in the end, she called me said that she wan 32gb wifi+3g ipad2 that cost rm2.2k =.='' wtf? u scolded me up and end up u ask me get the more expensive?
who u think you are? such a greedy person ..
received a bad news from jun around afternoon also...
after know his situation, i put down my anger.. control my temper and talk to him.
then he jio us out tonight .. to secret base..
due to bad mood since morning..
i didnt eat for whole day and wait for dinner..
went to edo ichi with jun and treat him the dinner . look at him so down, atleast eat a delicious dinner will cause him happy gua..
Something happen when we are in the secret base..
they set me up .. they discuss my thing privately ..
who the one who said we are 5 in a group? but why left me out ?
i know most of them are worried and care for me..
but im already stand up and be tough already..
don't think that im still haven't ..
i stand up doesn't mean i need to let go my memories , my promise that i made with dragonzai...
i'm not standing right there .. i keep on move forward although my heart are still believing in him ..
what i can say is, please believe on me and do not worry me anymore.
Seriously if i dont appreciate you all...
i wont give a fuck damn reaction to you all..
i wont provide free driver service..
i wont care when you all are so down..
i wont feel down when u all are so emo..
but im really know for long time ago you all are care of me and try to cheer me up..
i know .. i didn't say it but i know..
I also doesn't mean don't want to tell out what im suffer for ..
because once i emo, i will be very very emo ..
i also don't wan you all day day see me emo or listen what i emo for..
listen for many times you all might fed up / feel annoying also ..
but atleast when i cant stand for it i speak it out..
im a guy that will take responsibility to care all everyone around me in the future, i have to learn to take all the pain myself ..
i wanna depend myself not others..
i did a well planning for my future and myself .. what to achieve.. what to do..
because it's my life , so i don't think i should report to everyone bah =.=''
And i know, if i don't take good care of myself, how am i suppose able to taking care to my family, the friends around me ..
But, what had happened tonight, it past..
i'm thanks you all did this for me but please no next time =.=''
i thanks because you all are care of me from the early stage.. =w=
fon .. don't blame yourself that you bring this meet up tonight, because i know you care of me .. like i told you, i must be independence so that i could cover up you all when you all are down or need me.. so that i can be calm mind and talk to you guy..
just remember what we promise each other just now and stand up..
go fight for your business .. show your result ..
stop thinking of it's that is love or what, because you wont get the answer now.
just take time and be nature .. if is yours.. it will be..
and no matter how many times you fell down, i will right behind you to carry you up.
i love you all.. so , don't think too much about me.
you all got your own thing to suffer.
when i feel like to talk, i will speak it out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, i don't know why recently why most my friends always mention about you and me... they keep on asking me to let go.
you still remember if i really letting go, it will right?
they said you dont give a damn to me why i should still standing there and wait for it?
please don't mind for it.. because they don't really understand our situation and our brotherhood..
don't know why, i got a feeling that you are always with me... reading my blog..
if you are really reading it, please don't mind or angry that i mention you again here although it's not using your name..
I don't let go, because i said my turn to believe and trust you and also i want to prove that, i changed to be better. and much more controllable of my temper..
some day... one day.. i believe ... that day i waiting for.. will come..
Day 49
stupid dream ...
this morning dad called me, he ask me to buy a new handphone for mom and want me to buy psp for my niece..
=.='' well its not worth to have psp for her.. so i suggest dad to get ipad2.. so that sis also can use for it , and also can facetime with us.
dad agree for it.. because he wanna buy that for my 6years old lovely niece as birthday present =.=''
lolx.. im glad that she can have ipad2..
i post in facebook but seem got people misunderstand what im trying to share..
im not jealous for it .. im glad and im appreciate also..
and my sis she said i complain because dad buy for her not me =.=??
somemore said i high request for it =.=''?
wth? im giving suggestion so that you can use the ipad2 also..
just stfu if u don't know how much it cost for original game for psp since u all don't know how to download it .
I suggest the most cheap ipad2 .. it's only cost for rm1499..
But, in the end, she called me said that she wan 32gb wifi+3g ipad2 that cost rm2.2k =.='' wtf? u scolded me up and end up u ask me get the more expensive?
who u think you are? such a greedy person ..
received a bad news from jun around afternoon also...
after know his situation, i put down my anger.. control my temper and talk to him.
then he jio us out tonight .. to secret base..
due to bad mood since morning..
i didnt eat for whole day and wait for dinner..
went to edo ichi with jun and treat him the dinner . look at him so down, atleast eat a delicious dinner will cause him happy gua..
Something happen when we are in the secret base..
they set me up .. they discuss my thing privately ..
who the one who said we are 5 in a group? but why left me out ?
i know most of them are worried and care for me..
but im already stand up and be tough already..
don't think that im still haven't ..
i stand up doesn't mean i need to let go my memories , my promise that i made with dragonzai...
i'm not standing right there .. i keep on move forward although my heart are still believing in him ..
what i can say is, please believe on me and do not worry me anymore.
Seriously if i dont appreciate you all...
i wont give a fuck damn reaction to you all..
i wont provide free driver service..
i wont care when you all are so down..
i wont feel down when u all are so emo..
but im really know for long time ago you all are care of me and try to cheer me up..
i know .. i didn't say it but i know..
I also doesn't mean don't want to tell out what im suffer for ..
because once i emo, i will be very very emo ..
i also don't wan you all day day see me emo or listen what i emo for..
listen for many times you all might fed up / feel annoying also ..
but atleast when i cant stand for it i speak it out..
im a guy that will take responsibility to care all everyone around me in the future, i have to learn to take all the pain myself ..
i wanna depend myself not others..
i did a well planning for my future and myself .. what to achieve.. what to do..
because it's my life , so i don't think i should report to everyone bah =.=''
And i know, if i don't take good care of myself, how am i suppose able to taking care to my family, the friends around me ..
But, what had happened tonight, it past..
i'm thanks you all did this for me but please no next time =.=''
i thanks because you all are care of me from the early stage.. =w=
fon .. don't blame yourself that you bring this meet up tonight, because i know you care of me .. like i told you, i must be independence so that i could cover up you all when you all are down or need me.. so that i can be calm mind and talk to you guy..
just remember what we promise each other just now and stand up..
go fight for your business .. show your result ..
stop thinking of it's that is love or what, because you wont get the answer now.
just take time and be nature .. if is yours.. it will be..
and no matter how many times you fell down, i will right behind you to carry you up.
i love you all.. so , don't think too much about me.
you all got your own thing to suffer.
when i feel like to talk, i will speak it out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, i don't know why recently why most my friends always mention about you and me... they keep on asking me to let go.
you still remember if i really letting go, it will right?
they said you dont give a damn to me why i should still standing there and wait for it?
please don't mind for it.. because they don't really understand our situation and our brotherhood..
don't know why, i got a feeling that you are always with me... reading my blog..
if you are really reading it, please don't mind or angry that i mention you again here although it's not using your name..
I don't let go, because i said my turn to believe and trust you and also i want to prove that, i changed to be better. and much more controllable of my temper..
some day... one day.. i believe ... that day i waiting for.. will come..
Day 49
- 18 December 2011 Sunday
hmm... can't sleep well whole night..
May be my brain doesnt have a good rest ..
and Jun was snoring there.. with some nice * melody *
everytime when he start snoring, i try to move him to quiet, but when i want to move him.... he become silent =.='' so i cont to sleep..
hmm.. tonight, i can felt like my dad are beside me.. thinking of my dad.. love you dad...
8am+ im awake from bad dream i guess..
then roll roll rub rub my bed until 10am only went for bath ...
Went to pick up Jun's mom around 11am++
and three of us went to Sunway Carnival for shopping ..
We had our lunch at sake sushi ...
hmm... not really got appetite to eat.. but tori teriyaki don.. make me hungry .
:troll:
around 5pm+ i reach sp.. and eddy ask me for dinner with them around 6pm..
ok, i told them i might be late 5-10mins.. because i just reach sp and im in legenda around 5.45pm..
but, i have been waiting them since 6.15pm until 6.45pm..
i started fed up because they told me 6pm, and make me rush like bull..
but let me wait for 30mins there...
im so hungry and wait like sohai there =.='' orzzz :yuno:
tonight, i slept very early.. 9pm+..
but i woke up at 10pm++ 11pm++ and 3am++
when i woke up around 3am++ , i saw yamateh's sms..
she ask me what happen to they all, seem like all so emo and bla bla..
im kinda shock and wake myself up and try to open my eyes to check their facebook..
there're nth different ar..
so i start to think and worry what happen to they all?
i know they are emo recently because of love issue... three of them ..
rolling.... rubbing .... do nothing .... thinking.... and worried them until 7am..
i only continue back my dream...
and wake up around 9am+ +
day 48
May be my brain doesnt have a good rest ..
and Jun was snoring there.. with some nice * melody *
everytime when he start snoring, i try to move him to quiet, but when i want to move him.... he become silent =.='' so i cont to sleep..
hmm.. tonight, i can felt like my dad are beside me.. thinking of my dad.. love you dad...
8am+ im awake from bad dream i guess..
then roll roll rub rub my bed until 10am only went for bath ...
Went to pick up Jun's mom around 11am++
and three of us went to Sunway Carnival for shopping ..
We had our lunch at sake sushi ...
hmm... not really got appetite to eat.. but tori teriyaki don.. make me hungry .
:troll:
around 5pm+ i reach sp.. and eddy ask me for dinner with them around 6pm..
ok, i told them i might be late 5-10mins.. because i just reach sp and im in legenda around 5.45pm..
but, i have been waiting them since 6.15pm until 6.45pm..
i started fed up because they told me 6pm, and make me rush like bull..
but let me wait for 30mins there...
im so hungry and wait like sohai there =.='' orzzz :yuno:
tonight, i slept very early.. 9pm+..
but i woke up at 10pm++ 11pm++ and 3am++
when i woke up around 3am++ , i saw yamateh's sms..
she ask me what happen to they all, seem like all so emo and bla bla..
im kinda shock and wake myself up and try to open my eyes to check their facebook..
there're nth different ar..
so i start to think and worry what happen to they all?
i know they are emo recently because of love issue... three of them ..
rolling.... rubbing .... do nothing .... thinking.... and worried them until 7am..
i only continue back my dream...
and wake up around 9am+ +
day 48
- 17th December 2011 Saturday
- 17th December 2011 Saturday
O.O!! a surprise morning..
Jun called me for help to fetch him and his parents go down to penang..
Cause his dad was in badly sick and can't drive..
So ask me for help to fetch them to penang to meet up their customer.
reach sp around 5pm and i go for arcade awhile coz wanna wait jun finish work and fetch him to my house...
6pm++ , pick jun to my house , i take a rest and bath...
Then go to meet up friends to go my secret base ^^
But, seem like they got no mood and say can't play chi kek game wor..
So in the end everyone come to my house..
we play poker card =.='' with some very chi kek and heart beat punish..
was a amazing night and game i never tried be4 in my life..
but hope it only happen once bah...
kinda nightmare for me =.=''
that night, Jun over night at my house...
i share something with him about my childhood .. my stress ..
and we slept around 1am++ because the next day gonna have lunch with his mom.
O.O!! a surprise morning..
Jun called me for help to fetch him and his parents go down to penang..
Cause his dad was in badly sick and can't drive..
So ask me for help to fetch them to penang to meet up their customer.
reach sp around 5pm and i go for arcade awhile coz wanna wait jun finish work and fetch him to my house...
6pm++ , pick jun to my house , i take a rest and bath...
Then go to meet up friends to go my secret base ^^
But, seem like they got no mood and say can't play chi kek game wor..
So in the end everyone come to my house..
we play poker card =.='' with some very chi kek and heart beat punish..
was a amazing night and game i never tried be4 in my life..
but hope it only happen once bah...
kinda nightmare for me =.=''
that night, Jun over night at my house...
i share something with him about my childhood .. my stress ..
and we slept around 1am++ because the next day gonna have lunch with his mom.
Friday, December 16, 2011
- 算了吧,不要緊,會過去的 ~
- 15 December 2011 Thursday
Today happen something that's really bad in early morning..
Jun still so emo and talk to me..
He said that he's so unlucky for some reason..
ACtually everyone got their good and bad luck..
The thing we cant achieve doesnt mean we are bad luck..
And as son/daughter ..We should learn to respect our parents
ya, i know.. they dont understand us or even try to control what we did..
But they are just love us .. care us ..
Just that may be different generation and they using wrong way to show us their love and care to us ..
Afternoon, Small fb chat with me ..
She keep on want to know something from me ..
I told her, i got my reason that i cannot tell out because i promise someone.
I as her friend, i hope she understand my situation and my feeling..
But she's so ego and keep on forcing me to tell about it.
In the end, i left the conversation because i knew, if continue like this..
I will burst out and lost control ..
After i left, i msn Jun to said that im really so angry and kinda lost control..
But , what i had received is .. he come and k me because i left the conversation..
Why Jun you dont make thing clear before u say anything?
The thing u read is not part 1... you should make the thing clear first before you wan to k me mah..
In the end, we had little bit of argue through msn..
and he said something same like what Dragonzai said to me..
It's totally exactly same ... same situation, same sentence , same mood ..
I can felt my mind , my heart are so hurt because it pull out all my sadness in the past ..
I just want to keep the promise that me and dragonzai made.
why you all want to force me to say about it?
even i said out, what you all can get? nothing...
Just because of ur kepo want to know..
and i get hurt ..
Jun at first said i went wrong..
you said i don't wanna play with her because it will cause misunderstanding..
i didnt state it clearly ..
i did said already... i dont want other to misunderstand us and i got my own reason..
as friend, should understand my 苦衷 right ?
if small dont sufficient with my this reason .. then this is her problem..
why i should break my promise with my bro because of her own sufficient?
I said if i did the thing she want me to play, i will cause in BIG BIG TROUBLE..
why want me to play it, want me to say it? it's that so fun to see me die ?
I'm guilty everyday now and mental torturing myself everyday now..
really wan force me until i suicide then only happy izziz?
Jun you are not giving me suggestion..
What i received from your msg is you are standing on her side and indirectly want to me say out my reason to her ...HELL NO WAY !! ..
After this incident, i realise that i couldnt walk out from my phobia being losing my best bro in my life..
watched a clip today.. it's about brotherhood ..
in this reality world, i know no one will have 义气 with you anymore..
But i still pay out a little percent of hope wish to met this kind of person..
i found it.. raymond and rocky ..
the one who care me even they are not with me..
I didnt meant Jun are not ... Jun care me always.. i know..
you also the important person in my life..
may be, me and jun havent met something so i cant answer with this..
Tonight, Jun still havent cheer up..
he closed himself alone, im fucking worried about him now ..
But may be i should trust him that he can solve all his problem alone..
because he's not 3 years old boy anymore..
what i can say is .. remember this 算了吧"。"不要緊"。"會過去的"
I will be there with you when u need ..
I wont abandon my bros when they need me..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
long, may be i cause you a lot of problems . sorry .. this is what i can say.
almost end of the year 2011..
i hope you and me can put down what we hurt for each others ..
so that you will be more happy..
sometime i think, if i don't appear in your life..
you wont get hurt ...
may be we just 有缘无份 become brother/friend..
but i appreciate you.. thanks you for everything , every care you gave me.
Day 45
Today happen something that's really bad in early morning..
Jun still so emo and talk to me..
He said that he's so unlucky for some reason..
ACtually everyone got their good and bad luck..
The thing we cant achieve doesnt mean we are bad luck..
And as son/daughter ..We should learn to respect our parents
ya, i know.. they dont understand us or even try to control what we did..
But they are just love us .. care us ..
Just that may be different generation and they using wrong way to show us their love and care to us ..
Afternoon, Small fb chat with me ..
She keep on want to know something from me ..
I told her, i got my reason that i cannot tell out because i promise someone.
I as her friend, i hope she understand my situation and my feeling..
But she's so ego and keep on forcing me to tell about it.
In the end, i left the conversation because i knew, if continue like this..
I will burst out and lost control ..
After i left, i msn Jun to said that im really so angry and kinda lost control..
But , what i had received is .. he come and k me because i left the conversation..
Why Jun you dont make thing clear before u say anything?
The thing u read is not part 1... you should make the thing clear first before you wan to k me mah..
In the end, we had little bit of argue through msn..
and he said something same like what Dragonzai said to me..
It's totally exactly same ... same situation, same sentence , same mood ..
I can felt my mind , my heart are so hurt because it pull out all my sadness in the past ..
I just want to keep the promise that me and dragonzai made.
why you all want to force me to say about it?
even i said out, what you all can get? nothing...
Just because of ur kepo want to know..
and i get hurt ..
Jun at first said i went wrong..
you said i don't wanna play with her because it will cause misunderstanding..
i didnt state it clearly ..
i did said already... i dont want other to misunderstand us and i got my own reason..
as friend, should understand my 苦衷 right ?
if small dont sufficient with my this reason .. then this is her problem..
why i should break my promise with my bro because of her own sufficient?
I said if i did the thing she want me to play, i will cause in BIG BIG TROUBLE..
why want me to play it, want me to say it? it's that so fun to see me die ?
I'm guilty everyday now and mental torturing myself everyday now..
really wan force me until i suicide then only happy izziz?
Jun you are not giving me suggestion..
What i received from your msg is you are standing on her side and indirectly want to me say out my reason to her ...HELL NO WAY !! ..
After this incident, i realise that i couldnt walk out from my phobia being losing my best bro in my life..
watched a clip today.. it's about brotherhood ..
in this reality world, i know no one will have 义气 with you anymore..
But i still pay out a little percent of hope wish to met this kind of person..
i found it.. raymond and rocky ..
the one who care me even they are not with me..
I didnt meant Jun are not ... Jun care me always.. i know..
you also the important person in my life..
may be, me and jun havent met something so i cant answer with this..
Tonight, Jun still havent cheer up..
he closed himself alone, im fucking worried about him now ..
But may be i should trust him that he can solve all his problem alone..
because he's not 3 years old boy anymore..
what i can say is .. remember this 算了吧"。"不要緊"。"會過去的"
I will be there with you when u need ..
I wont abandon my bros when they need me..
------------------------------------------------------------------------
long, may be i cause you a lot of problems . sorry .. this is what i can say.
almost end of the year 2011..
i hope you and me can put down what we hurt for each others ..
so that you will be more happy..
sometime i think, if i don't appear in your life..
you wont get hurt ...
may be we just 有缘无份 become brother/friend..
but i appreciate you.. thanks you for everything , every care you gave me.
Day 45
- 12,13,14 December 2011
- 12 December 2011 Monday
Heavy rain this evening..
after work .. i stand under the rain..
let it rain over me..
i feel fresh and feel better under the rain..
my whole body are wet and mixed up together with my tears ..
how stupid am i ...
- 13 December 2011 Tuesday
Dad promise to have dinner with me tonight ..
Because daddy and mommy going to Singapore tomorrow ..
I was so hungry since 4pm++ and i wait my dad until 7pm..
and i see mom was so busy there so that i asked him am i going out dinner with dad or ?
and she K me ... =.=''
and i wait until 8pm..
i cant stand already...
i started gastric ..
In the end.. my dinner , eat with my friends...
- 14 December 2011 Thursday
Hanging out with Jun, Nigel , Ayameh and Small ..
Went to my secret base ..
Today is Hug valentine's day .. We hug each other to cheer each other up..
That night, don't know why everyone are so emo when we are sitting at the playground...
I feel so down when look at them like this..
I tried many way to cheer them up..
Small told me , Raymond are so care about me..
Raymond msn her to ask her to cheer me up since she are always with me..
i'm already so down because of look at them so emo and Small always ask me to put down my bro...
But i didnt say much to her because she don't know what happen actually ..
She just know i losing a best bro in my life ..
After i heard she said raymond so care for me ...
I felt so touch and my tears like out of control and keep on dropping ...
At afternoon, Jun told me he is so mad.
I understand ur situation, ur feeling..
Because this is what i experience before .. also my childhood life ..
Exactly same ..
I felt so useless, Jun's so mad ... i cant even help him to cool down and make him feel better...
At night, Jun was so emo... so down...
But i tried all my best to cheer him up..
I failed .. In the end i asked for Small help ..
She did it and im glad for that ..
But in other way.. i felt im seriously damn fucking useless.. how noob am i ..
Look at them like that, i always act like im so happy without emo ..
But inside my heart, there's thousands of knife cucuk tiao me ..
When i down, i don't dare to speak it out ..
I don't know who i should talk to..
Even after i speak it out, nothing can be changed ..
So i made the lie to them said that.. im really okay, i didn't emo of anything ..
im just down because look at them was so emo..
Because everyone so down, why i should say im down also?
I must be cheerful and cheer them up ..
I also don't know who can really understand my feel..
They just said some advice that what they though but it's truly hurt me.
In the end, i choose to be tough .. be silent .. to be cheerful like last time.
Seriously pressing down my depression and cheer others up.. are so hard.
because i have to control my emotion ...
Tonight, we saw a lot meteor star...
the second and third star, i made a wish that me and my bro can be close like last time...
the 4th star, i wish everyone around me , can have a good life in the future and always be happy ...
I feel sad when look at them are so down..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey bro, really hope u will be there with us to enjoy the moment we waited for the meteor star. ..
Day 44
Heavy rain this evening..
after work .. i stand under the rain..
let it rain over me..
i feel fresh and feel better under the rain..
my whole body are wet and mixed up together with my tears ..
how stupid am i ...
- 13 December 2011 Tuesday
Dad promise to have dinner with me tonight ..
Because daddy and mommy going to Singapore tomorrow ..
I was so hungry since 4pm++ and i wait my dad until 7pm..
and i see mom was so busy there so that i asked him am i going out dinner with dad or ?
and she K me ... =.=''
and i wait until 8pm..
i cant stand already...
i started gastric ..
In the end.. my dinner , eat with my friends...
- 14 December 2011 Thursday
Hanging out with Jun, Nigel , Ayameh and Small ..
Went to my secret base ..
Today is Hug valentine's day .. We hug each other to cheer each other up..
That night, don't know why everyone are so emo when we are sitting at the playground...
I feel so down when look at them like this..
I tried many way to cheer them up..
Small told me , Raymond are so care about me..
Raymond msn her to ask her to cheer me up since she are always with me..
i'm already so down because of look at them so emo and Small always ask me to put down my bro...
But i didnt say much to her because she don't know what happen actually ..
She just know i losing a best bro in my life ..
After i heard she said raymond so care for me ...
I felt so touch and my tears like out of control and keep on dropping ...
At afternoon, Jun told me he is so mad.
I understand ur situation, ur feeling..
Because this is what i experience before .. also my childhood life ..
Exactly same ..
I felt so useless, Jun's so mad ... i cant even help him to cool down and make him feel better...
At night, Jun was so emo... so down...
But i tried all my best to cheer him up..
I failed .. In the end i asked for Small help ..
She did it and im glad for that ..
But in other way.. i felt im seriously damn fucking useless.. how noob am i ..
Look at them like that, i always act like im so happy without emo ..
But inside my heart, there's thousands of knife cucuk tiao me ..
When i down, i don't dare to speak it out ..
I don't know who i should talk to..
Even after i speak it out, nothing can be changed ..
So i made the lie to them said that.. im really okay, i didn't emo of anything ..
im just down because look at them was so emo..
Because everyone so down, why i should say im down also?
I must be cheerful and cheer them up ..
I also don't know who can really understand my feel..
They just said some advice that what they though but it's truly hurt me.
In the end, i choose to be tough .. be silent .. to be cheerful like last time.
Seriously pressing down my depression and cheer others up.. are so hard.
because i have to control my emotion ...
Tonight, we saw a lot meteor star...
the second and third star, i made a wish that me and my bro can be close like last time...
the 4th star, i wish everyone around me , can have a good life in the future and always be happy ...
I feel sad when look at them are so down..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
hey bro, really hope u will be there with us to enjoy the moment we waited for the meteor star. ..
Day 44
Monday, December 12, 2011
拿起手里的键盘，一直都有很多想要写下来的事。
可是需要互列到是不是或该不该写下来。。
星期六，有月食。 朋友们都约好了我一起去看月亮。
的确我们一起赏月，吃零食，说废话的确很开心。。
可是当晚，C跟我说了一些关于你的事。。
她说peng chong 他们开玩笑说你要换电话就换，有钱。
然后你就向S说他们在perli 你。。
过后， 他们也问起了我们两是不是吵架。。
peng chong 就说你中五的事，和你不喜欢他们说你有钱的事，说你小气。
不过，虽然我认识你没他们认识你那么久， 可是，以他的性格。。 是我也认为他在perli。。
如果他说你小气而搞到我们两没有了这段兄弟情。。 我只能说，他不了解或明白你。
没有人知道，当我和你吵架时，你都每天来读我的blog。。在乎我这个朋友。。
他们不知道你关心我这个朋友的身体健康。。
虽然你是以不好的语气来说， 可是我明白和感受到你的关心。。
那天晚上，nigel突然很emo...
他怪我们没有约他。。 因为种种原因，我也不是很了解。。
只好打电话给他。。 说着说着，他忽然说起了你告诉eddy说我这个朋友很不好。。
很糟的朋友。。我的心直接。。。
我只好告诉nigel说，我不想讲了。。
然后我就去问eddy，可是他说你没有这样说过。。
我不明白发生了什么事。。
jun告诉我说，无论什么人告诉我什么话，
最重要的还是坚持的相信你。。
我明白我们的心中都有一埂刺，可能我们也知道这个刺会在我们的心里永远也拔不出来。。
可是难道这样我们就结束了吗？
越好的朋友，就被刺的更深更伤。。
有是天就是那么好玩，一个晚上让我知道你那么多事。。
明明一个很好很开心的晚上就这样毁了。。
听了nigel告诉我的事，问了eddy后。。
明明是哪个很很心痛的心情，可是又要在朋友面前一起说笑。。
讲笑话逗他们笑，真的是很辛苦，很难。。
还好那晚jun在我的家过夜，要不然我不敢想象我会不会崩溃。。
吃了安眠药，可是心就是定不下来。 一整晚都睡不好，醒了几次。。
每次和朋友一起出去事，不知道为什么，可能是因为习惯了每当有节目时都会约你。。
现在，你不在了，感到少了一些东西。。
不知道你有没有在读着现在我说写的日记呢。。 ？
很快１２月就结束了。。 ２０１１ 年就这样完了。。
一月九来到了， 还记得一月１６号我们因打羽毛球而相遇回吗？
希望新的一年，我会有回那个福分来重新的和你做朋友。。
认识你，我没后悔过。。
只后悔在我当天因为了情绪失控而说了伤害你的话。。
2011年结束后， 希望我的忧郁症会好起来。。
虽然当初有你这个兄弟陪着我度过，也答应我帮我康复。。
不过现在还是靠我自己吧。。
兄弟，多多保重。。
day 41
Saturday, December 10, 2011
- 8th November 2011 Thursday
dad n mom went to penang today...
at night, my mom suddenly ask me ..
where is dragonzai now?
she asked where the hor fan that dragonzai bought for her..
it's very nice and miss it ... she also ask why recently didnt see him ...
- 9th November 2011
i told dad today im going to taiwan with ayameh,lih and jun ...
and he asked me... did nigel know?
because ayameh was nigel's ex..
dad said will he jealous ? later me n nigel quarrel until no friend do like my past ..
不乐而散。。 this words ... hurt through my heart ..
went to old town today, i saw peng jong n sye fun... but i didnt walk there to say a hi...
then i heard dragon's car alarm sound ... i was been shocked .. and thinking may be he coming to meet up with peng jong them ...
until i finish my dinner and go back.. didnt see him show out ...
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bros... take care ... nitez ..
Day 40
Thursday, December 8, 2011
- Take care
这几天不知怎么了。。
心情一直很低落。。
vivi那边又有事发生。。 哎。。
昨晚，因心情低落而和几个朋友出来游车河。。
无意间， 看见了穿黄色衣的你。。
反复间的不知是不是时候找你喝喝茶。。
身边的朋友的一举一动，玩笑，歌，样样东西都拉起了我的回忆。
不知道为什么一直想起我们如何认识到结束。。
整夜都睡不着。。 一旦睡了。。 就发恶梦。。
梦见了我们吵架的事。。
醒了又睡， 睡了又梦， 梦了又醒。。
到现在只记得。。
我发的最后一个梦是。。
你忽然打电话来给我。。
说约我和一些朋友去Penang.
然后隔天我就去载你们。。
可是我们先去 VM 吃饭走走。。
最后我们两还跑去玩头问字D。。
慢慢的好会。。
8AM++ 就醒了。。
还想发回那个梦。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
老兄， 早点睡吧。。
还记得我们约定2am 前睡吗？
多多保重。。 煎炸油腻少吃。。
晚安。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
真的有时候， 在你生气的那10秒里， 可能会说出一些令人难受的话。
可是那些话，你可能会永远也挽不回来的。
有时生气时， 忍一忍， 好好听完后，可能就不会误会而吵架。。
虽然，今天早我是低落了，可是我也尽量在告诉我自己忍。。我不想再和任何的朋友吵架了。
的确，我们今早发生的事会让我难受一整天，可是不能怪你。。
是我自己抵抗不了以前的伤口的痛。。
刚睡醒的我，就好像没戴上我的面具，展露了我那软弱的我。。
还好我的emo不是那种建立在别人身上， 怪别人没理会他。。 怪到别人好像对不起他。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
Day 38
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
- 5th November 2011 Monday
Bro.. i saw you again from my office...
don't know why i walk out from the office, look around my dad's lorry and van...
and i heard ur car's alarm ... and i turned my head to petronas petrol station..
i saw you .... .
friend tell me, why i always met you outside?
they cant always saw u outside also =.=''
this friend tell me we got jodoh ...
i donno should i blieve or not..
coz if we gt jodoh to be friend/bro ..
we wont be like this bah ..
..
tonite i didnt go qi gong... and i go have a nap cause too tired..
i dream i date with jun to have dinner/lunch at somewhere in sp..
and he didnt come.. and then i saw raymond ... raymond come to me say he came back from jb cause wanna talk to me something.. its about dragon and me de..
he said he go talk to dragon and then say that im truly apologize to dragon hope he could forgive me...
and then, stupid phone notification and group chat alert wake me up =.=''
Day 35
- 3rd November 2011 Saturday
Having movie with friends tonight in village mall... Watch Petaling Street Warriors ..
In the basement car park, i saw dragon's car ...
sp so small ...
anyway, this movie, it's so funny and make me, jun and fook ling laugh 99 ...
laugh until we dont feel tired after the movie ...
i guess im quite busy bah.... so many days didnt write my dairy =.='' have to gambateh edi..
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Day 32
- 4th November 2011 Sunday
Slept in 3am+ but woke up around 7am...
laying and rolling on the bed with Jun for 1 hour++ then only prepare ourself to pick up friends..
Heading to penang .... woooo
Having our breakfast at tmn sejati ....
10am++ went to my uncle clinic to take shot ...
After that, fly fly go 1st avenue - red box ... until 2pm++
then me jun and andy go pringin mall walk walk ..
and i also meet zhaoyang / nigel / ah b they all at pringin mall...
...............................
Today event : everyone speaking.. no mandarin , hokkien or cantonese...
End game, im the one who didnt kena punishment ...
Jun have to take off his pants , and the girl have to kiss each other mouth to mouth...
but those girl so damn cheat..
In the end, when we otw home, i help jun to received the punish ... lucky only small was there..
cause she wan to see both of us kiss / take off pants so much =.='' sweat 99
After first avenue and pringin mall,
we went to queensbay mall ...
me n jun went to arcade .. and those girl.. we donno loh ... they walk their shopping..
we play our game ...
but i didnt take any lunch.. im so hungry until i gastric ...
they said have to wait until 7pm++...
then i cant stand it anymore, gastric + tired ... not enuf slp lagi..
so around 6.30pm me and jun went to xian ding wei makan first...
the girls reach there around 7.30pm and saw we edi finish eating and scold me ... =.=''
said why i eat first.. i donno how to tell them , cause i dont want to let them feel guilty ..
i scared they felt guilty after knowing im having gastric for few hours ago ....
today lesson ...
ktv ... really can make people emo...
im damn so fucking emo on that day too..
i shouldnt deserved the treatment like this ...
i can be more better ...
but why ...
please give me strength to stand up...
please give me strength to stand for it...
please give me some confident to trust for it ..
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Day 33
- 1st December 2011 Thursday
Tonight , had a wonderful shuffle / dance / moonwalk / glide in qi gong class...
got party rock , poker face , bad romace , stereo heart and so on ..
- 2nd December 2011 Friday
Chong haw called me today saying tonight dinner at yoshiya..
well ... cause the person he called i not so close.. in the end i refuse it and join go my qi gong class..
After having Mcd in cs with Jun and meet up shawn for awhile..
Tonite after qi gong class, went out with friends yum cha .... and bullshit a lot ...
Thursday, December 1, 2011
- 30 November 2011 Wednesday
Today, i saw dragonzai again at his shop ...
cause of stupid tyre, i need to bring it to the tyre shop chun seng ..
feel want to say hi to dragon but he look busy there so i just step off ..
its glad to see him so hard working ...
Well , nothing special for today.... always alone in the office ...
dad ask me change car ..
change par7575 mitsubishi cordia... and he say like this.... today wan drive sport car boh ? =.='' swt
okay loh.. since done already.. left tyre and rim hvnt change... ma test drive see how ...
fuiyoh... at night nia, jiu got car jio me race liao ... song ....
really have a long time didnt use manual car racing with people .... wakkakaka
Chong haw facebook inbox me when im in office..
asking how am i recently and apologize to me what he had done to me last time..
then he ask me for yoshiya dinner and he might call other friends too ..
hmmm i rejected him cause i already date Jun to go qi gong ..
So i suggest him make the dinner at friday or saturday bah ...
lucky he didn't know what happen to me recently .. haha ..
just telling him busy for work and boring life..
tonight after 12am it's end of november ...
a very long long times i ever had be4 .. byk susah lepas november ni ..
3 months already i had changed my life ...
but, the heart still the same ...
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Day 30
- 29 November 2011 Tuesday
Today, Office not so busy ..
In the office, Dad suddenly ask me where dragonzai.. he didnt find me already?
I was so shock that he ask me this question so sudden...
So that i reply him said he's going to kl with family ...
Dad seem not believe and ask me again the same question he didnt find me now ady?
So i had no idea and lie to dad said ... so far we still going out yum cha but mostly after my qi gong class loh .. just outing for supper like that ...
Then dad look like so so... not really believe on me ....
I went out lunch with dad ...
On the way going lunch, i saw dragonzai and his mom i guess ... at the U turn in front of Che Tom there... So i told dad here is dragonzai's car...
and dad say... call them join us lunch =.='' SO SWEAT ~~
Saw Yong Yee with his dad before we leaving ...
Having lunch, dad ask me the one name matthew what owe me money, have i take back ady or not..
and ask me why dont i go get from his mom and so on ....
Then dad ask me, that day he heard Yong Yee called me Tiger, he wonder who Tiger actually ..
So now dad know my nick jor... 4 years i had using this year and finally today dad know my secret lolx...
Around evening , dad phone me said that one of my friend's mother pass away..
She commit suicide at Penang bridge...
Her car found at Penang bridge without anyone until the next day of early morning...
Tonight im so bad luck...
around 11pm++ im on the way going back home by using bypass there...
There's road construction and my tyre pancat =.=''
my phone left 8% battery .... OMFG..
Using iphone apps to switch on the light and change tyre myself ...
Lucky i bring my laptop so i can charge my phone for awhile..
It's was so dark over there ...
15mins later, done.... by that moment... my phone shut down .. out of battery ... =w=
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day 29
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