25，January 2012 Wednesday
双重打击 ！！
好一个农历新年。。
是一个我和爸爸结束我们父子关系的初三。
自己所承受的委屈， 没人懂。
不明白为什么自己从小就一直牺牲了自己的理想和梦想，就是为了承接父亲的事业。
所付出的，承接的，并没有被看到。还误以我错。
就因为你宁可相信一个有心要破毁我们一个美好的家的人，
也不相信我们这班子女和老婆。。
醒来吧。。
我不是要推卸责任， 而是那么多年，我所受到的委屈，的悲哀，暗箭，已经伤痕累累了。
心， 已经确地的失望，死心。
就因为了要孝心，而毁了我一生。
我受委屈不用紧， 可是也要看值不值得。。
胸前一条条的伤痕也不够心里的痛。。
自己也伤心到哭不出来。
就想到是时候，为自己未来打算，再也不必为了一个不分黑与白的人卖命。。
从小到大，一句赞美的话也没讲。
24岁，他教我的人生道理也没有到24句。。
要不是我自己自爱，遇到好的老师和母亲。
不敢想象自己现在会是这么样。。。
我也是人，有感情，有开心和不开心的时候。
情绪也会失控的时候，我不是机器人，不能靠setting 来 setup 我自己。。
长大了，就从我20到24岁，关心我也不到3次。。。
自己也不知道己久没有得到父爱了。。
得了忧郁症，自虐。。 他也没有来关心自己的孩子。。
为何我还要为一个。。。 。。。
很奇怪的就是，自己好像有股不甘心的感觉，这感觉让我不会去自杀。。
谁对我有仇，我会记得。。
他们要玩我，我就10倍的还给他们。
自己也不敢相信原本很爱家的我，竟然会走到这一步。
明知道是她设的陷阱，但还是踩下去。。
迷失了。。
为我自己的未来也不知道该怎么了。。
该找什么工呢？
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
骏， 其实我的心比你还要软弱。
可是，我告诉自己一定要坚强起来，要不，有谁来帮你？
但，我也想有一个人会了解我，体谅我。明白我的心情。。
我也想有个人可以让我在需要的时候依靠。。
就像一个受保护的小孩。。
偶尔也想要爆发自己的情绪。。
在一个同样一天的晚上，被诬赖了三次。。
其两次都是对我来说，是个在我心目中拥有不平凡的地位的人。。
听到你的那句话，心凉了。好像是死去的感觉。。知感到心脏里所发出的疼痛。
我真的错了吗？
自己明白，心正在的流血。。
一直到现在。。还在流。。
不停的流。。
其实，我也不想自己静静的走开。。
那样，我只是回到一个孤单的世界。
因为在家也是一个人，出外也是一个人。
可是，看起来，没办法。。
你需要时间，我也不要去让你看到你会难受的场面。
很怀念之前我们4-5个朋友一起出来的感觉。。
根本就像小孩，不用顾略到什么，要做就做，要讲就讲。。
虽然你们都认为这一步是踩错了，可是，如果为了我们这班朋友在一起的感觉而忽略自己的爱情。。。不对。
而且我们再也不在是5个一起粘在一起的组合了。。
5个去4个。现在，4个也好像两个。。
面对不到你，可是又想看到你。。因为知道一个连睡觉也会担心我的人的感觉。。
真的感动。。 可是也有一股心酸的感觉。。
真的有时很想要发泄和骂够你，就看到你的情绪也好不到哪里去。。
就自己啃下来。。 好帮你负担一些。。
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26,January 2012 Thursday
Slept in SMS Hotel last night..
Using noob phone...
Cause finally i explore and throw my iphone in front of all of friends..
Everyone get shock...
Iphone can start but seem like software crash..
Lucky my Vapor Comp case are good enough to protect it.
Don't know why, TO Bro, i dream about you ... Your leg get burned and 筋扭到。
your right leg... leg bao like bak chang ...
and i go and ask you what happened, you are telling me in very friendly way.
then ask me need not to worry about you ..
I might too surprise and woke up...
Then Lih and me went to Penang queensbay today..
Gonna meet up beh there ...
I saw Ray and his family in QB ... i was like OMFG OMFG !!!! lolx..
we hug each other and talk awhile with his family ..
My mood was turn better than last night ...
until we met beh ...
Feel like, been left out and me n him got no conversation ..
Only left me n lih kepo kepo and laugh 99 ..
I cant even find a topic to conversation with him ..
Damn this fucking wall ... i wanna break it but ...
but, with my emotion now , i guess very hard..
Look at his face so down, and worried me for whole night and only slept for 1 hour....
I felt guilty that i make him so worried.
I tried my best ...
But I really mind that the words betray ... the person i trusted to most..
Ya la, it's just misunderstand ... but i still cant take it..
The broken heart need to stick back the pieces one by one...
You said it's past and not my fault ..Just your misunderstanding ..
But you said to me this morning what did you hurt and did to me last night ..
you really mind for it and i don't know how to get back the trust ...
After that you told me nothing and dont mention again..
How i know what should i do to heal your bleeding heart?
What am i suppose to do ?
Yea, it might be my fault but i did it just because i really worry and she asked for it... Two of us worried so much ~
Still rmb you promised you wont off phone like that again?
Not telling you this because i know you will blame yourself again..
But blaming ownself wont help to changed and improve the thing ..
We need to find solution to cure back the issue..
Day 90
Friday, January 27, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
- Chinese New Year Eve
21,Jan 2012 Saturday
Woo... met up with Lee Jyun..
Singapore Initial D6AA players.
also one of my members in my team..
nice skills he had and learn a lot from him too..
really have a good time with him,
but too bad i got date with other friends at 4pm..
but atleast i did my job as a leader..
sending him back to penang's hotel at 12am and treat him lunch since SP is my hometown...
manatau, he pay me 100 for sending him back =.='' WTF
he insist i take for it ...
Day 84
22,Jan 2012 Sunday
Really don't understand how the argument can be start.
A caring that cause argue.
What can i blame? Blame its chat from messenger that couldn't see face expression.
For the whole afternoon i can't cool down myself and wanted to smoke.
Thx to lih that keep on nag me not to smoke .. =.=''
Reach home, though after he cool down, everything will be okay..
But ... seem like not as i expect..
Then give dad scold i didnt answer his call ...
Explore ...
Not fire explore...
The depress and upset ... attacking me like a boss ..
Off phone, lazy to wait for the reply ..
Went to my bed and hiding myself inside d blanket..
And a shit thinking come to my mind ..
Just bought a new knife =.=''
Thinking should i or shouldn't ?
i still remember someone told me if i did stupid thing again, then will break up with me..
should i use this way to break-ing up and end up everything ?
just one slash ...
or may be one slash on my chest ...
im sure, the pain wont pain as how hurt that my heart having now..
but ... control myself not to do that..
its not worth ..
And then think dao the movie i watched last night ..
The person name long ..
Ah Beng keep repeat ah long this name when long died in bullet =.=''
remind me, i used to call a frd long ..
thinking the time we spend together on cny ..
2011 chinese new year eve..
spending my time with wei en,tze liang and to ..
went to the sense .. look at tze liang so bad luck and drink 5 cup of beers ...
for losing the card game..
and how me and to went to sunway carnival mall sakae sushi to buy lao sang ..
went to ur house to eat steamboat.. playing with ur dog ^^
and then u all came to my house for gambling with heng mo ..
everyday eat maggie goreng at pelita nasi kandar..
thinking the day of cny 2011, we still never stop ourself for keep on botting and play for ragnarok online..
until i fall asleep ...
6am++
woke up...
on my phone..
when i tried to slide the phone to unlock..
a phone call came ..
accidently answer the call..
well, plan to cut off but ..
Try to act im nothing..
A very surprise thing for me is ..
i reject all my date for chinese new year eve..
don't feel like going out to entertain with friends..
just wish i could spend this special night with my close friends..
but too bad, they all have family time ^^
and im having reunion dinner with my dad and mom..
from a family that with 7 members..
now only 3 peoples having this dinner ..
and dad also asking me did my frd all came back? and im going out tonight?
i reply him that see first.. not feeling wanna go out ..
just want to have one cigar . .to cool down and release the bad feeling in my heart..
But in the end, went to village mall for id6aa.. to get the last stamp for this month and changed my avatar's background ..
met friend there and pass him my SD memory card to copy games .
sorry that not i want to reply the message in so cold way.
i just cant reply it as usual and i don't know why ..
just feel like, to be alone and slowly slowly ... walk away ... hope for this moment only .. .. because i promise, never give up ...
All i need is just tonight, to let me manage my mood to cheer up..
I believe i will be okay after tonight..
Wanted to 反省 myself being not calm and cheer..
反省myself still cannot handle everything yet..
Tell myself, there're someone waiting for me.. i must stand up.
stand up, change my mind, become more mature and tough ..
2am, went to throw rubbish ..
and i was like wtf, a chinese house using green light for his balcony =.=''
not pantang meh? look like ghost coming out .. lolx..
2.45am.. planning to sleep..
a ex best friend that hurt me the most and cause me changed alot and into phobia..
he msg me.. asking how am i and wish me happy cny..
one thing i surprise is.. he apologize to me what he did to me previously ..
and we had a few mins talk on phone...
haha, still like be4, a big lier, someone that really love to compare and show off..
facebook deactivate , people can't view the profile la bang ~
Well, 4 years... why wait until now only apologize to me?
i had been suffer for 4 years .. and i lost too many thing in my life..
But i had to accept... im changed ..
Read back the post on 2011 when cny :
"""新的一年， 不希望每一年有发生友情的问题。希望可以过个平淡的一年， 不用再为友情而烦恼。所以说， 不要太重视友情因为吃亏的会是自己。亲情还是第一， 一身也报答不完。""""
Well, friendship happened again for me in 2011,
hehe, i wont believe in god anymore..
i will fight for myself and won't let the same thing happened again in 2012.
Day 85
Woo... met up with Lee Jyun..
Singapore Initial D6AA players.
also one of my members in my team..
nice skills he had and learn a lot from him too..
really have a good time with him,
but too bad i got date with other friends at 4pm..
but atleast i did my job as a leader..
sending him back to penang's hotel at 12am and treat him lunch since SP is my hometown...
manatau, he pay me 100 for sending him back =.='' WTF
he insist i take for it ...
Day 84
22,Jan 2012 Sunday
Really don't understand how the argument can be start.
A caring that cause argue.
What can i blame? Blame its chat from messenger that couldn't see face expression.
For the whole afternoon i can't cool down myself and wanted to smoke.
Thx to lih that keep on nag me not to smoke .. =.=''
Reach home, though after he cool down, everything will be okay..
But ... seem like not as i expect..
Then give dad scold i didnt answer his call ...
Explore ...
Not fire explore...
The depress and upset ... attacking me like a boss ..
Off phone, lazy to wait for the reply ..
Went to my bed and hiding myself inside d blanket..
And a shit thinking come to my mind ..
Just bought a new knife =.=''
Thinking should i or shouldn't ?
i still remember someone told me if i did stupid thing again, then will break up with me..
should i use this way to break-ing up and end up everything ?
just one slash ...
or may be one slash on my chest ...
im sure, the pain wont pain as how hurt that my heart having now..
but ... control myself not to do that..
its not worth ..
And then think dao the movie i watched last night ..
The person name long ..
Ah Beng keep repeat ah long this name when long died in bullet =.=''
remind me, i used to call a frd long ..
thinking the time we spend together on cny ..
2011 chinese new year eve..
spending my time with wei en,tze liang and to ..
went to the sense .. look at tze liang so bad luck and drink 5 cup of beers ...
for losing the card game..
and how me and to went to sunway carnival mall sakae sushi to buy lao sang ..
went to ur house to eat steamboat.. playing with ur dog ^^
and then u all came to my house for gambling with heng mo ..
everyday eat maggie goreng at pelita nasi kandar..
thinking the day of cny 2011, we still never stop ourself for keep on botting and play for ragnarok online..
until i fall asleep ...
6am++
woke up...
on my phone..
when i tried to slide the phone to unlock..
a phone call came ..
accidently answer the call..
well, plan to cut off but ..
Try to act im nothing..
A very surprise thing for me is ..
i reject all my date for chinese new year eve..
don't feel like going out to entertain with friends..
just wish i could spend this special night with my close friends..
but too bad, they all have family time ^^
and im having reunion dinner with my dad and mom..
from a family that with 7 members..
now only 3 peoples having this dinner ..
and dad also asking me did my frd all came back? and im going out tonight?
i reply him that see first.. not feeling wanna go out ..
just want to have one cigar . .to cool down and release the bad feeling in my heart..
But in the end, went to village mall for id6aa.. to get the last stamp for this month and changed my avatar's background ..
met friend there and pass him my SD memory card to copy games .
sorry that not i want to reply the message in so cold way.
i just cant reply it as usual and i don't know why ..
just feel like, to be alone and slowly slowly ... walk away ... hope for this moment only .. .. because i promise, never give up ...
All i need is just tonight, to let me manage my mood to cheer up..
I believe i will be okay after tonight..
Wanted to 反省 myself being not calm and cheer..
反省myself still cannot handle everything yet..
Tell myself, there're someone waiting for me.. i must stand up.
stand up, change my mind, become more mature and tough ..
2am, went to throw rubbish ..
and i was like wtf, a chinese house using green light for his balcony =.=''
not pantang meh? look like ghost coming out .. lolx..
2.45am.. planning to sleep..
a ex best friend that hurt me the most and cause me changed alot and into phobia..
he msg me.. asking how am i and wish me happy cny..
one thing i surprise is.. he apologize to me what he did to me previously ..
and we had a few mins talk on phone...
haha, still like be4, a big lier, someone that really love to compare and show off..
facebook deactivate , people can't view the profile la bang ~
Well, 4 years... why wait until now only apologize to me?
i had been suffer for 4 years .. and i lost too many thing in my life..
But i had to accept... im changed ..
Read back the post on 2011 when cny :
"""新的一年， 不希望每一年有发生友情的问题。希望可以过个平淡的一年， 不用再为友情而烦恼。所以说， 不要太重视友情因为吃亏的会是自己。亲情还是第一， 一身也报答不完。""""
Well, friendship happened again for me in 2011,
hehe, i wont believe in god anymore..
i will fight for myself and won't let the same thing happened again in 2012.
Day 85
Saturday, January 21, 2012
- 爱
- 爱
刚才晚上，不知道为什么，自己的头脑不冷静，只顾着把所有的责任都放在自己的身上。。
可是，自己静静的冷静下来后，
还是明白到自己当初所做和说得都是对的。
毕竟是因为环境和习惯的影响而导致到我选这个选择。。
不过再怎么说，有些是还是不适合我去插手。。
自己还是要适当的处理，否则，大家都会很辛苦。。
竟然，那么的坚定要爱情和友情都要平衡，那么自己的情绪一定是很困难。。
其余两个人在烦恼不如流下来一个人烦恼。。
该做的也做了。。是时候把脚退回来了。。
往往玩过头了，还真的误以为这一切都是真的。。
不过也好，看来我自己也有时间来做自己的事情了。。
回到原点。
又一次亲眼看到朋友为爱的付出。
为什么那些好男生都对爱那么执著？
很大胆的不顾一切的去爱。。
要爱的轰轰烈烈。。
为了他们的未来，一忍百忍，只求可以天长地久。。
又是一个愿意等待的男生。。
还以为这个世界再也没那么一两个的男生了。。
爱一个人真的可以把一个人的推动力递升到最高。。
可以看到男生为了他们的爱，付出一切，不计较的。。
不计较自己的心情，放开了自己的任性，忍下自己暴躁的脾气。。
就为了想要和她更好的将来。。
在自己委屈和辛苦的时候也没有人知道。。
可是还是每一次都会让她感到安全，安慰。。
为了爱，自己坚强起来，就不要自己心爱的女人为他操心。。
看到她有什么事发生的时候都自己都紧张过她。。
自己的心也快跳出来。。
曾经看过自己的弟弟生病了，还在大雨中，骑着电单车，淋着雨。。
就是要买药和食物给自己的女朋友。。
也看过自己的好朋友，为了追那个女生，
把自己的手给烫伤了。。
就为了要做糖雕给那个女生的生日蛋糕。。
现在，看到因为家人而不能在一起，为了女生也哭了出来。。
为什么上天妒忌凡人的爱情？ 就是要把雄雌分开，然后让他们自己去辛苦的寻找自己的另一半。。
我也为心爱的女人下跪过，哭过，心痛过，然后分开。。
让我感到最伟大的男生，就是等待的“爱”。。
我自己也曾经暗恋过10多年。。明白到等的滋味。。
看到朋友为了爱都很愿意的等。。
等到他们可以成为正式的男女朋友的那一天。。
不管自己会不会失败，不管自己怕还是不怕，
就是不知道哪里来的勇气来让他们一直的等。。
要找一个可以爱的女人，一点也不难。。
最难的就是可以找到一个爱到自己无法自拔的女生。
还可以为了她而改变一切。。 酸甜苦辣 都自己哏。。
就为了看到那个女生开开心心的。。
就为了看到那个女生的笑容，愿意的做一些逗她开心的事。。
这一切就是因为“我爱你” 的魔力。。 爱情的魔力。。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
不知道大家有没有一个朋友会告诉你说：
“如果你不照顾好自己，死了，那么我怎么办？ ”
很惊讶当我听到这句话的时候，自己都不知道该什么反应。。
只好乖乖的说知道了，我会照顾好自己。。
可能最近生活有点压力，导致到胃痛，有时吃了饭后的一小时也会痛。。
或者一紧张或被吓倒还是生气的时候，那个胃就痛起来了。。
失眠，越来越严重了，每一个晚上，即使吃了安眠药，还是会半夜吓醒或压力倒醒。。
农历新年就到了，还是利用这段时间好好的养伤自己。。
不知道有没有一个人，可以看穿我的逞强，可以保护我的脆弱。
在我受到委屈的时候把我的脑袋按在他的肩膀上，告诉我在他的面前永远都不需要伪装坚强，
告诉我就算所有的人都不相信你，不知道你的苦衷，你都还有我。
Day 83
刚才晚上，不知道为什么，自己的头脑不冷静，只顾着把所有的责任都放在自己的身上。。
可是，自己静静的冷静下来后，
还是明白到自己当初所做和说得都是对的。
毕竟是因为环境和习惯的影响而导致到我选这个选择。。
不过再怎么说，有些是还是不适合我去插手。。
自己还是要适当的处理，否则，大家都会很辛苦。。
竟然，那么的坚定要爱情和友情都要平衡，那么自己的情绪一定是很困难。。
其余两个人在烦恼不如流下来一个人烦恼。。
该做的也做了。。是时候把脚退回来了。。
往往玩过头了，还真的误以为这一切都是真的。。
不过也好，看来我自己也有时间来做自己的事情了。。
回到原点。
又一次亲眼看到朋友为爱的付出。
为什么那些好男生都对爱那么执著？
很大胆的不顾一切的去爱。。
要爱的轰轰烈烈。。
为了他们的未来，一忍百忍，只求可以天长地久。。
又是一个愿意等待的男生。。
还以为这个世界再也没那么一两个的男生了。。
爱一个人真的可以把一个人的推动力递升到最高。。
可以看到男生为了他们的爱，付出一切，不计较的。。
不计较自己的心情，放开了自己的任性，忍下自己暴躁的脾气。。
就为了想要和她更好的将来。。
在自己委屈和辛苦的时候也没有人知道。。
可是还是每一次都会让她感到安全，安慰。。
为了爱，自己坚强起来，就不要自己心爱的女人为他操心。。
看到她有什么事发生的时候都自己都紧张过她。。
自己的心也快跳出来。。
曾经看过自己的弟弟生病了，还在大雨中，骑着电单车，淋着雨。。
就是要买药和食物给自己的女朋友。。
也看过自己的好朋友，为了追那个女生，
把自己的手给烫伤了。。
就为了要做糖雕给那个女生的生日蛋糕。。
现在，看到因为家人而不能在一起，为了女生也哭了出来。。
为什么上天妒忌凡人的爱情？ 就是要把雄雌分开，然后让他们自己去辛苦的寻找自己的另一半。。
我也为心爱的女人下跪过，哭过，心痛过，然后分开。。
让我感到最伟大的男生，就是等待的“爱”。。
我自己也曾经暗恋过10多年。。明白到等的滋味。。
看到朋友为了爱都很愿意的等。。
等到他们可以成为正式的男女朋友的那一天。。
不管自己会不会失败，不管自己怕还是不怕，
就是不知道哪里来的勇气来让他们一直的等。。
要找一个可以爱的女人，一点也不难。。
最难的就是可以找到一个爱到自己无法自拔的女生。
还可以为了她而改变一切。。 酸甜苦辣 都自己哏。。
就为了看到那个女生开开心心的。。
就为了看到那个女生的笑容，愿意的做一些逗她开心的事。。
这一切就是因为“我爱你” 的魔力。。 爱情的魔力。。
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
不知道大家有没有一个朋友会告诉你说：
“如果你不照顾好自己，死了，那么我怎么办？ ”
很惊讶当我听到这句话的时候，自己都不知道该什么反应。。
只好乖乖的说知道了，我会照顾好自己。。
可能最近生活有点压力，导致到胃痛，有时吃了饭后的一小时也会痛。。
或者一紧张或被吓倒还是生气的时候，那个胃就痛起来了。。
失眠，越来越严重了，每一个晚上，即使吃了安眠药，还是会半夜吓醒或压力倒醒。。
农历新年就到了，还是利用这段时间好好的养伤自己。。
不知道有没有一个人，可以看穿我的逞强，可以保护我的脆弱。
在我受到委屈的时候把我的脑袋按在他的肩膀上，告诉我在他的面前永远都不需要伪装坚强，
告诉我就算所有的人都不相信你，不知道你的苦衷，你都还有我。
Day 83
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
- Gambatte and continue your life
Worried a person, that feeling is so hard to describe ..
you can feel ur heart beat fast .. you scared .. erm.. and complicated feeling ..
that feeling is like make you gone insane and explore ..
btw, seem like i still have to learn more to convince peoples...
long way to go... have to calm down ... clear mind ... pressing down own feeling and care of situation .. well its sound easy but really hard to do it ..
Human just an emotional animals...
they do have pain, hurt,happy,cry.. etc ..
No matter how stress, how suffer you are..
never think of suicide...
its hurting the person around you ..
they hurt because they care and love you ..
Every problem sure have a way to solve it ..
Nothing is impossible if you never giving up to save it ..
May be it need to take time...
1 year not enough then 5 year.. then 10 year..
one day, the problem can be solve..
By choosing suicide, the problem will be there forever and no one gonna heal it..
The origin problem couldn't be solve and it will bringing up more trouble for others..
No one is useless or hopeless..
Just they cant see what you got..
Everyone got different view to something they saw ...
by the time you think that you cant stand it anymore...
think twice, why you walk until here and give up ?
If plan to give up, why give a start for it ?
When you fall down, never forget, sure will have someone who carry you up..
and walk together with you...
Don't let someone who appreciate you feel disappointed...
It's not too late yet ...
Tell yourself, relax and live in the way you feel happy...
time will past, you will grow,society will changed ..
If you think that's a good way, then it is ..
We dont expect too much, just a simple normal happy life ...
more wants,more suffer ..
Anger really a scary weapon in human's emotion ...
It will took everything away from your life..
I have no idea how to control the anger but just try your best not to express out your anger so easily to other peoples...
I believe those peoples won't able be patient to receive it..
What you facing now, i experience before..
I understand the feeling and i really hope that i can do something for you ..
Forgive my helpless .. My ability can't reach that difficult level yet...
But i will try my best to figure out the better way to help you ~
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO bro, Now i truly experience how's your feeling when i putting my anger to you.
I don't blame you at all because it's because of my emotion break down to cause our brotherhood into pieces ...
What you doing now recently?
I'm thinking asking you for movie...
If you feel free, we find alien to yum cha, recently *** are so down ...
try to talk more to ***
Oh yeah.. Ray is in SP now..
wanna breakfast together?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm... im kinda weird today=.=''
why im telling friends something from my blog and i don't even know they are reading or not ...
Totally out of confident to do everything..
Recently can't even have a good dream ...
Everyday dream about my dad..
it's that so hard to get a happy family ?
Just a simple thing but they have to think so complicated?
why? it's because of human being selfish ?
Day 80
you can feel ur heart beat fast .. you scared .. erm.. and complicated feeling ..
that feeling is like make you gone insane and explore ..
btw, seem like i still have to learn more to convince peoples...
long way to go... have to calm down ... clear mind ... pressing down own feeling and care of situation .. well its sound easy but really hard to do it ..
Human just an emotional animals...
they do have pain, hurt,happy,cry.. etc ..
No matter how stress, how suffer you are..
never think of suicide...
its hurting the person around you ..
they hurt because they care and love you ..
Every problem sure have a way to solve it ..
Nothing is impossible if you never giving up to save it ..
May be it need to take time...
1 year not enough then 5 year.. then 10 year..
one day, the problem can be solve..
By choosing suicide, the problem will be there forever and no one gonna heal it..
The origin problem couldn't be solve and it will bringing up more trouble for others..
No one is useless or hopeless..
Just they cant see what you got..
Everyone got different view to something they saw ...
by the time you think that you cant stand it anymore...
think twice, why you walk until here and give up ?
If plan to give up, why give a start for it ?
When you fall down, never forget, sure will have someone who carry you up..
and walk together with you...
Don't let someone who appreciate you feel disappointed...
It's not too late yet ...
Tell yourself, relax and live in the way you feel happy...
time will past, you will grow,society will changed ..
If you think that's a good way, then it is ..
We dont expect too much, just a simple normal happy life ...
more wants,more suffer ..
Anger really a scary weapon in human's emotion ...
It will took everything away from your life..
I have no idea how to control the anger but just try your best not to express out your anger so easily to other peoples...
I believe those peoples won't able be patient to receive it..
What you facing now, i experience before..
I understand the feeling and i really hope that i can do something for you ..
Forgive my helpless .. My ability can't reach that difficult level yet...
But i will try my best to figure out the better way to help you ~
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO bro, Now i truly experience how's your feeling when i putting my anger to you.
I don't blame you at all because it's because of my emotion break down to cause our brotherhood into pieces ...
What you doing now recently?
I'm thinking asking you for movie...
If you feel free, we find alien to yum cha, recently *** are so down ...
try to talk more to ***
Oh yeah.. Ray is in SP now..
wanna breakfast together?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm... im kinda weird today=.=''
why im telling friends something from my blog and i don't even know they are reading or not ...
Totally out of confident to do everything..
Recently can't even have a good dream ...
Everyday dream about my dad..
it's that so hard to get a happy family ?
Just a simple thing but they have to think so complicated?
why? it's because of human being selfish ?
Day 80
Friday, January 13, 2012
- 12 January 2012 Thursday
A sad day since morning until night ...
Look at friends they misunderstanding due to they are honest to each other..
May be it's because of using sms, and cant look at their face expression..
Next time face to face talk about it will be much more better .. Steady ~
Suffer everyday in year 2012..
All bad thing came to me and i have to be strong to face it..
Family, Business, Friends and even Love ..
What i want is just attention .. i guess ..
May be need someone to listen and carry me...
Many thing cannot say .. the situation not allowed and i have to take the pain ..
Don't know why recently always gastric and got vomit this morning..
I saw something black black ... seem like vege but i didn't eat any black vege=.=!!
Every happy moment pass very fast ...
Soon we will be apart and im gonna miss those days we had been together ..
Why i just cant .... ... ignore and walk my life alone?
2 more weeks, CNY ...
Why i don't have such a feeling one?
Have to plan for class party again ..
haizz..
so hard to get contact with them ..
A true love, it will success even it exist in wrong timing..
Just wait .. dont mess up everything when emo..
Take more time to know well for each other ..
Thinking too much because they care each other so much.. They scare lost each other...
But in this situation, must calm down yourself and don't simply say any words that harmful to others..
hmm, last night ate the sleeping pills that my sis gave me,
it's useful ... after ate, feel sleepy in 10 mins ...
but, eyes is close.. i still can feel my mind is thinking ...
and woke up at 7am++ =.='' the eyes felt tired but the mind still running =.=''
argg..... cant fat anymore.. 69kg now =.='' diao ~
Well, keep emotion break down recently but still have to act that im strong enough to handle it...
Until today, finally it burst out ..
Really hope got people will understand my feeling..
I mean the true feeling .. 媒人不好当。somemore got phobia ....
I also want to feel secure...
Love are so complicated, It's so hard to know it's that love or its not ..
The best way is just ignore ... ignore.... and ignore ....
Soulmate ... my first soulmate i guess is you .. TO bro ..
But too bad, We had the bad ending ...
Thinking how are you recently and doing what?
Had you taking good health ?
May be, im to stubborn not to let go ..
Don't know why , read back the chat logs again,
We got a lot of thing to chat, even only two of us there...
Morning chat until night ...
From whatsapp to msn , and then meet up.. then msn again, and end up with whatsapp..
Everyday got a lot of shit to talk ..
But mostly i take the first move ...
Now really tired always take the first move to all friends...
Anyway... Hope you are fine ..
-----------------------------
( BaoBei 加油 )
Day 74
Look at friends they misunderstanding due to they are honest to each other..
May be it's because of using sms, and cant look at their face expression..
Next time face to face talk about it will be much more better .. Steady ~
Suffer everyday in year 2012..
All bad thing came to me and i have to be strong to face it..
Family, Business, Friends and even Love ..
What i want is just attention .. i guess ..
May be need someone to listen and carry me...
Many thing cannot say .. the situation not allowed and i have to take the pain ..
Don't know why recently always gastric and got vomit this morning..
I saw something black black ... seem like vege but i didn't eat any black vege=.=!!
Every happy moment pass very fast ...
Soon we will be apart and im gonna miss those days we had been together ..
Why i just cant .... ... ignore and walk my life alone?
2 more weeks, CNY ...
Why i don't have such a feeling one?
Have to plan for class party again ..
haizz..
so hard to get contact with them ..
A true love, it will success even it exist in wrong timing..
Just wait .. dont mess up everything when emo..
Take more time to know well for each other ..
Thinking too much because they care each other so much.. They scare lost each other...
But in this situation, must calm down yourself and don't simply say any words that harmful to others..
hmm, last night ate the sleeping pills that my sis gave me,
it's useful ... after ate, feel sleepy in 10 mins ...
but, eyes is close.. i still can feel my mind is thinking ...
and woke up at 7am++ =.='' the eyes felt tired but the mind still running =.=''
argg..... cant fat anymore.. 69kg now =.='' diao ~
Well, keep emotion break down recently but still have to act that im strong enough to handle it...
Until today, finally it burst out ..
Really hope got people will understand my feeling..
I mean the true feeling .. 媒人不好当。somemore got phobia ....
I also want to feel secure...
Love are so complicated, It's so hard to know it's that love or its not ..
The best way is just ignore ... ignore.... and ignore ....
Soulmate ... my first soulmate i guess is you .. TO bro ..
But too bad, We had the bad ending ...
Thinking how are you recently and doing what?
Had you taking good health ?
May be, im to stubborn not to let go ..
Don't know why , read back the chat logs again,
We got a lot of thing to chat, even only two of us there...
Morning chat until night ...
From whatsapp to msn , and then meet up.. then msn again, and end up with whatsapp..
Everyday got a lot of shit to talk ..
But mostly i take the first move ...
Now really tired always take the first move to all friends...
Anyway... Hope you are fine ..
-----------------------------
( BaoBei 加油 )
Day 74
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
- Worry ~
ouch~ gastric ..
busy whole day to cleaning my room.
By the time want to find something to eat..
There's a friend emo jor..
I try to talk with him.
Sitting in front lappy, wait for his reply like a sohai.
Just to make him feel better.
Too bad my phone got no battery and i have to stay at house and can't go out to get my breakfast/lunch+Dinner.. Endure the pain of gastric ...
When i was young, i blame my parents didn't give me freedom..
Now i got freedom, I mean the freedom such as going out wherever i like..
But i more wanted to have their attention, their care.
Everything i did, I showed good results from what i did.. I just wanted they praise me.. but what i got from them is ... silence ... ...... ......
I believe everyone sure got the pain that received from their parents.
But they are our parents, they provide us a good life, foods, moneys, wants and needs.
I try to understand how and why our parents treat us like this .
Just because they love us..
But may be im still immature, So i still taking time to cool down myself and accept it.
Don't look at the bad we received, look at the early point why they do this to us.. Just because they love us and protect us..
Damn worry when heard that friends say he's leaving .
Suddenly see he off msn/facebook.. i felt GG-ed
Fast fast go bath and wish could find him n bring him home..
Lucky he reply the message and i stay back..
Haizz... Give a tight hug .. to warm him bah ~ nothing much i can really help.
And i don't know did i make him feel better or not..
Feel im failed =.=''
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
现在发现自己不知不觉地放下了自己的感情。。
明明告诉过自己，不可以再犯重复的错误。。
可是为什么上天就是要让我有遇见对我好的人呢？
难道就不可以让我一个人好好的过？
如不是我，他也不会那么的无奈。。
如不是我，也不会改变了他的生活方式。
不过，既然让我遇见回和我１７年的朋友，那么我就再一次的冒这个险。。来好好的珍惜。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
So fast, we know each other 1 years already.
Our first chat on msn is on 11th Jan.
You ask for my contact number and we start to talk about Ragnarok Online.
But it's talking for ipoint already.
So i guess may be is around 3/4th Jan we know each other at Sejati badminton court bah ~
Chinese new year is coming ..
Remember back last year, we went out at 30'th night ..
went to your house eat steamboat ..
you and raymond they came to my house ...
Every single day of CNY, we hang out at outside..
Went to movie... Tze liang house ...
This year you coming to my house?
Waiting ...
Day 71
busy whole day to cleaning my room.
By the time want to find something to eat..
There's a friend emo jor..
I try to talk with him.
Sitting in front lappy, wait for his reply like a sohai.
Just to make him feel better.
Too bad my phone got no battery and i have to stay at house and can't go out to get my breakfast/lunch+Dinner.. Endure the pain of gastric ...
When i was young, i blame my parents didn't give me freedom..
Now i got freedom, I mean the freedom such as going out wherever i like..
But i more wanted to have their attention, their care.
Everything i did, I showed good results from what i did.. I just wanted they praise me.. but what i got from them is ... silence ... ...... ......
I believe everyone sure got the pain that received from their parents.
But they are our parents, they provide us a good life, foods, moneys, wants and needs.
I try to understand how and why our parents treat us like this .
Just because they love us..
But may be im still immature, So i still taking time to cool down myself and accept it.
Don't look at the bad we received, look at the early point why they do this to us.. Just because they love us and protect us..
Damn worry when heard that friends say he's leaving .
Suddenly see he off msn/facebook.. i felt GG-ed
Fast fast go bath and wish could find him n bring him home..
Lucky he reply the message and i stay back..
Haizz... Give a tight hug .. to warm him bah ~ nothing much i can really help.
And i don't know did i make him feel better or not..
Feel im failed =.=''
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
现在发现自己不知不觉地放下了自己的感情。。
明明告诉过自己，不可以再犯重复的错误。。
可是为什么上天就是要让我有遇见对我好的人呢？
难道就不可以让我一个人好好的过？
如不是我，他也不会那么的无奈。。
如不是我，也不会改变了他的生活方式。
不过，既然让我遇见回和我１７年的朋友，那么我就再一次的冒这个险。。来好好的珍惜。。
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
So fast, we know each other 1 years already.
Our first chat on msn is on 11th Jan.
You ask for my contact number and we start to talk about Ragnarok Online.
But it's talking for ipoint already.
So i guess may be is around 3/4th Jan we know each other at Sejati badminton court bah ~
Chinese new year is coming ..
Remember back last year, we went out at 30'th night ..
went to your house eat steamboat ..
you and raymond they came to my house ...
Every single day of CNY, we hang out at outside..
Went to movie... Tze liang house ...
This year you coming to my house?
Waiting ...
Day 71
- weirdo
Everyone got their pain inside the heart.
Looking at them suffer of their love one, i felt so numb that can't help them at all.
What i surprise that i got a message that said :
" Friendship is not about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side "
He meant that thanks you im always by his side to cheer him up and never leave him alone.
I'm thinking, why i just can't leave him alone and go busy for my stuff?
Somehow i want to pull off myself from naive friendship because been getting hurt again and again from friends.
It's all because I too care my friends.
I don't even know to love myself first then only friends...
What i wan to do is they are happy enough , and i don't care a shit of fuck about my own feeling =.=''
Well, a kinda of weird feeling toward my heart , my mind ..
May be recently too many thing have to handle ...
family, work , future , money, healthy and so on ...
Day 70
Looking at them suffer of their love one, i felt so numb that can't help them at all.
What i surprise that i got a message that said :
" Friendship is not about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side "
He meant that thanks you im always by his side to cheer him up and never leave him alone.
I'm thinking, why i just can't leave him alone and go busy for my stuff?
Somehow i want to pull off myself from naive friendship because been getting hurt again and again from friends.
It's all because I too care my friends.
I don't even know to love myself first then only friends...
What i wan to do is they are happy enough , and i don't care a shit of fuck about my own feeling =.=''
Well, a kinda of weird feeling toward my heart , my mind ..
May be recently too many thing have to handle ...
family, work , future , money, healthy and so on ...
Day 70
Friday, January 6, 2012
- 5th January 2012 Thursday
Having my lunch with Jun and Lih ...
then work work work...
continue my working life..
although i started talk to dad.. but it's only happen in office..
When im home, i don't speak with them and locked myself ..
I cant face them ..
Mom gave me drink... also put outside..
And i wait until they not in living room or house,
i only get out from my room and take it ..
Night... hanging out with Jun and Lih for swim car river...
chit chat about bullshit ...
Something that make me very touched is.. ..
The care .. the love that Jun and Lih gave to me ..
And also Jun dare to speak out that he appreciate me this bro ..
He gave me a hug and said thanks you ..
i guess his heart might be very warm ..
thanks to Jun always be with me and give me a hug ,
It make me felt i got the love from family ... The love full of caring ..
We never be apart and i swear i will always be there when he need someone
.. no matter what, i will never abandon my broS and friends ...
and i will try my best to walk out from my past... my phobia...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro TO , i wish i could have time to write down everything about our past..
from start to end..
how we know each other...
every memories... i wish to write it down ...
knowing you, i do not regret ..
Don't say i loh soh .. but i know you always sleep late around 3~4am++
i want to see you have a healthy life style ... a good life ..
Even when u feel you are helpless or alone,
dont forget.. i will be there to help you when you need..
Although we are not bro anymore..
but still the same words .... you are my bro .. forever... until i reach my death..
Good night T.O
Day 66
then work work work...
continue my working life..
although i started talk to dad.. but it's only happen in office..
When im home, i don't speak with them and locked myself ..
I cant face them ..
Mom gave me drink... also put outside..
And i wait until they not in living room or house,
i only get out from my room and take it ..
Night... hanging out with Jun and Lih for swim car river...
chit chat about bullshit ...
Something that make me very touched is.. ..
The care .. the love that Jun and Lih gave to me ..
And also Jun dare to speak out that he appreciate me this bro ..
He gave me a hug and said thanks you ..
i guess his heart might be very warm ..
thanks to Jun always be with me and give me a hug ,
It make me felt i got the love from family ... The love full of caring ..
We never be apart and i swear i will always be there when he need someone
.. no matter what, i will never abandon my broS and friends ...
and i will try my best to walk out from my past... my phobia...
------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro TO , i wish i could have time to write down everything about our past..
from start to end..
how we know each other...
every memories... i wish to write it down ...
knowing you, i do not regret ..
Don't say i loh soh .. but i know you always sleep late around 3~4am++
i want to see you have a healthy life style ... a good life ..
Even when u feel you are helpless or alone,
dont forget.. i will be there to help you when you need..
Although we are not bro anymore..
but still the same words .... you are my bro .. forever... until i reach my death..
Good night T.O
Day 66
- 4 Jan 2012 Thursday
woo~
I'm keep on waiting for the badminton tonight..
We can play together...
like before.. everything gone like last time ...
he improved a lot, speed up a lot and less mistake ..
but too bad, my habit, bought two drink and one for him.. used to it jor =.=''
we pair up... still not bad... may be im slow , couldn't back up in perfect...
But im so enjoy for all the games tonight..
really happy ..
happy until can't sleep...
by the time i get into my dream...
ling wei fb pm me...
she said she is so emo .. wanna talk with me..
then we chit chat until 4am ++
and i dont feel sleepy...
roll ar.. roll ar...
thinking about we can be much more better ...
everything like start over again in year 2012...
then sleep around 5am++
I'm keep on waiting for the badminton tonight..
We can play together...
like before.. everything gone like last time ...
he improved a lot, speed up a lot and less mistake ..
but too bad, my habit, bought two drink and one for him.. used to it jor =.=''
we pair up... still not bad... may be im slow , couldn't back up in perfect...
But im so enjoy for all the games tonight..
really happy ..
happy until can't sleep...
by the time i get into my dream...
ling wei fb pm me...
she said she is so emo .. wanna talk with me..
then we chit chat until 4am ++
and i dont feel sleepy...
roll ar.. roll ar...
thinking about we can be much more better ...
everything like start over again in year 2012...
then sleep around 5am++
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
- 3th January 2012
really a big disappointed family for me..
it cause me lost myself.. lost my target for my future...
i don't know what's the purpose that living in this world ..
so many thing i cant share it out ...
like what Shawn said : i always hide everything in my heart and hold it myself..
Taking all the pain alone.. But still act that im fine ..
really found out i cant stop smoking now..
it's freaking hard for me..
i will very very pek cek or cant concentrate to do anything if i dont smoke...
gai liao =.=''
I keep on cheering up myself tonight ...
but it's really a bad year for me..
sis said that the way i look for its too perfect ady.. im always look for perfect ending ... but end up disappointed...
Day 64~
it cause me lost myself.. lost my target for my future...
i don't know what's the purpose that living in this world ..
so many thing i cant share it out ...
like what Shawn said : i always hide everything in my heart and hold it myself..
Taking all the pain alone.. But still act that im fine ..
really found out i cant stop smoking now..
it's freaking hard for me..
i will very very pek cek or cant concentrate to do anything if i dont smoke...
gai liao =.=''
I keep on cheering up myself tonight ...
but it's really a bad year for me..
sis said that the way i look for its too perfect ady.. im always look for perfect ending ... but end up disappointed...
Day 64~
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
- 2nd day of 2012
a weird day i had past today...
happened between three of us ...
a weird feeling ...
but a hug ... a cool talk...
everything solved and clear..
and also had a new game to play...
^^
nth much can say for today...
cause private n confidential ...
might cont this in my dairy book ...
Day 63 ~
happened between three of us ...
a weird feeling ...
but a hug ... a cool talk...
everything solved and clear..
and also had a new game to play...
^^
nth much can say for today...
cause private n confidential ...
might cont this in my dairy book ...
Day 63 ~
- First day of 2012
didn't sleep and chat with lih around 5am++
and accompany cs vomit ..
look at her vomit for an hour++ ... =.=''
this morning, happened something that make me really feel happy and glad to see that..
the wish of jun has come true...
and he finally start concentrate with his future..
was a very pek cek day for me..
about family issue and some other issue..
i also donno why i have this feeling =.=''
movie day in qb ... but i try to enjoy it also..
everyone have a good start in 2012 but me .. haizz...
x
a very tiring day and reach home around 11.30pm..
but insomia again .... orzzzzzzzzzz =w=
sleep around 4am++~
and accompany cs vomit ..
look at her vomit for an hour++ ... =.=''
this morning, happened something that make me really feel happy and glad to see that..
the wish of jun has come true...
and he finally start concentrate with his future..
was a very pek cek day for me..
about family issue and some other issue..
i also donno why i have this feeling =.=''
movie day in qb ... but i try to enjoy it also..
everyone have a good start in 2012 but me .. haizz...
x
a very tiring day and reach home around 11.30pm..
but insomia again .... orzzzzzzzzzz =w=
sleep around 4am++~
- End of 2011
woke up in early of morning and waiting for the time..
1pm++ went to fetch lih and cs to go penang ..
otw to penang, i went to inderawasih meet up my lecturer and pass him Ferarri car..
Having out lunch at qbsmall and shopping around there...
wait coconut fall ...
a bit rush for us but all we waiting for is ...
wait for jun reach penang airport ..
i saw vivi at penang airport aso..
we did something when we saw jun ..
we act dono him and looking for him ....
heading to lih's bro house... have a rest there and then went out sunshine square there tabao mcd...
and celebrate the new year 's eve at her bro's house..
Had a big tight hug from jun ...
warming up my cold heart ... he know what my house happened last night.
he told me sry that he's not wif me there but still worried about me.
we chat a lot about my thing before we sleep... listening to me what i happened in this week ..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im really scare this day is coming..
Because i decide to give up everything in this year..
I had a most wonderful and awful year in my life on 2011 ..
What i deserved is to be come stronger .. stronger and stronger..
but there're always a peoples that can make me weak in front of them..
i really miss a lot the time i had pass in this year.. the person i met in this year...
time after time ... haizz ...
having a family's problem, friend's problem and end up my 2011 ..
honestly i don't wanna give up our brotherhood that already broken ..
and i keep on believe that it will be recover..
i wish that we could be like usual before 2012..
but tonight is the end of 2011 ..
may be we will start over again in 2011..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, i really appreciate the time we had pass together this year..
appreciate all the care you gave me ...
you made me weak and tough ...
im so glad that you are always be there when i need you...
like i told you before... just find me when you need me...
I know both of us had happened something very ugly..
but let's end it in 2011~
Tonight, i can't sleep ...
thinking of my mom... thinking of my family..
thinking of my bros ... think of dragonzai ..
thinking of what jun should do after he say that to her ..
thinking about my future...
i felt im lost and lost the target in my future..
full of disappointed and sadness fulfil inside my heart~
in my mind... flash out a lot our memories..
from the day we met back..
the day we past everyday..
the pain the happy we shared together..
until the day we quarrel...
the day that without this bro...
Day 61
End of 2011
1pm++ went to fetch lih and cs to go penang ..
otw to penang, i went to inderawasih meet up my lecturer and pass him Ferarri car..
Having out lunch at qbsmall and shopping around there...
wait coconut fall ...
a bit rush for us but all we waiting for is ...
wait for jun reach penang airport ..
i saw vivi at penang airport aso..
we did something when we saw jun ..
we act dono him and looking for him ....
heading to lih's bro house... have a rest there and then went out sunshine square there tabao mcd...
and celebrate the new year 's eve at her bro's house..
Had a big tight hug from jun ...
warming up my cold heart ... he know what my house happened last night.
he told me sry that he's not wif me there but still worried about me.
we chat a lot about my thing before we sleep... listening to me what i happened in this week ..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Im really scare this day is coming..
Because i decide to give up everything in this year..
I had a most wonderful and awful year in my life on 2011 ..
What i deserved is to be come stronger .. stronger and stronger..
but there're always a peoples that can make me weak in front of them..
i really miss a lot the time i had pass in this year.. the person i met in this year...
time after time ... haizz ...
having a family's problem, friend's problem and end up my 2011 ..
honestly i don't wanna give up our brotherhood that already broken ..
and i keep on believe that it will be recover..
i wish that we could be like usual before 2012..
but tonight is the end of 2011 ..
may be we will start over again in 2011..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
bro, i really appreciate the time we had pass together this year..
appreciate all the care you gave me ...
you made me weak and tough ...
im so glad that you are always be there when i need you...
like i told you before... just find me when you need me...
I know both of us had happened something very ugly..
but let's end it in 2011~
Tonight, i can't sleep ...
thinking of my mom... thinking of my family..
thinking of my bros ... think of dragonzai ..
thinking of what jun should do after he say that to her ..
thinking about my future...
i felt im lost and lost the target in my future..
full of disappointed and sadness fulfil inside my heart~
in my mind... flash out a lot our memories..
from the day we met back..
the day we past everyday..
the pain the happy we shared together..
until the day we quarrel...
the day that without this bro...
Day 61
End of 2011
- 30 December 2011 Friday
As i though, more two days will be end of year 2011.
and i will end this year with only one thing i regret in my life and start my new life all over again.
Unfortunately, world war 3 happened in my house.
this's my door and hand after the world war3.
a night that i felt so alone. i cried out loud. holding my pillow and hide inside my blanket.
everything i hold it myself..
trying to pushing down the broken heart and be more cheer..
but the more i endure, the more i suffer..
Officially Announced im only got three sister in my life..
Since she not appreciate my forgiveness then i will just let it be..
a broken heart that would never be cure..
a disappointed from dad... i had nothing to say .. speechless ...
was so wish someone can be with me here... hold me tight.. hug me tight...
and let me cry out in a warm feeling ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
can't stand for that night ... i called you bro..
bcoz i dont wanna disturb raymond they all coz they having assignment and busy now..
but i called my sis and no one answer for the phone..
but thanks that you give me a call back and talk to me...
atleast i know, no matter how far we are.. our heart still got each other..
and i will end this year with only one thing i regret in my life and start my new life all over again.
Unfortunately, world war 3 happened in my house.
this's my door and hand after the world war3.
a night that i felt so alone. i cried out loud. holding my pillow and hide inside my blanket.
everything i hold it myself..
trying to pushing down the broken heart and be more cheer..
but the more i endure, the more i suffer..
Officially Announced im only got three sister in my life..
Since she not appreciate my forgiveness then i will just let it be..
a broken heart that would never be cure..
a disappointed from dad... i had nothing to say .. speechless ...
was so wish someone can be with me here... hold me tight.. hug me tight...
and let me cry out in a warm feeling ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
can't stand for that night ... i called you bro..
bcoz i dont wanna disturb raymond they all coz they having assignment and busy now..
but i called my sis and no one answer for the phone..
but thanks that you give me a call back and talk to me...
atleast i know, no matter how far we are.. our heart still got each other..
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