4.22am now... my mind keep thinking what should i do or how to apologize for them..
i mess up everything and cause them in bad situation ....
seriously i felt so guilty for it and i don't know what should i do to re-pay for it..
may be i could just dissapear myself in front of them and start my life?
sound selfish or not responsible right? but what can i do?
im so confuse now, can anyone teach me?
i hurt their feeling, i hurt their relationship...
looking the way they suffer... ( i ter-typed "shuffle" =.='' ) i felt so embarrassing and hate myself..
why i done something like this to hurt them? why i dont just ignore it but give a hand for the issue?
actually what are important for me now? work? future? frd? help? ignore? health?
what i should put on no1 first?
im lost and i don't know how to manage my life...
im looking for a perfect way to settle everything but .....
i can't make it....
i can't find the perfect way to solve all this thing...
people said nothing can be perfect...
but i believe we can make thing perfect, bcoz i did before with 30 members together....
why i suffer myself to care for the business that's totally non of my business?
seem like i need to calm down myself...
but i when i face the problem they facing, i felt guilty and i wish i could solve this problem...
i felt my phobia was back... suddenly i felt so scared the same thing will happened again...
i felt so lonely.... the feeling of loneliness making my heart so hurt and i hope i could cry it out loud.....
i hate myself why im eventful , why i always looking for perfect , why i always feel guilty and keep on say sorry ?
i hope i can control myself , my mind, my emotion ...
i need someone to carry on me. . . to cheer me up ....
someone that really understand what im facing now and what i feel ...
but seem no one can help me...
im the lonely one and stand up myself...
what i can say is.. sorry... it's all my fault ... very very sorry...
you could put the blame on me ( akon teach me this )
i do not deserve to be your ..... friend.
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