- 30th October 2011 Sunday

A busy Sunday from morning to evening..

Have to meet up with customer then bank and so on...

Tonight don't know why, insomia and felt so down..

slept around 5am ...

Reading my dairy ... the tears drop ... until i hug my dairy and sleep and i also don't know =.=''

May be too tired after cr!ed ..

Lucky now after i woke up... i refresh my mood already..

Its a new day and new life..

After woke up, everything in my mind gone positive....

But first thing i remember is.... need to go Penang see doctor and take my thyroid medicine ... =.=''

Monday... I fight for it ....

- 29 October 2011 Saturday

不知怎么说， 晚上很快就到了， 心里的心情很忐忑。不知晚上看到他会有什么的反应。。

整理好我的房间和去买些bbq要用到的东西 。 还好来的及， 6点就到了朋友家帮忙等下的bbq。。

不错一下， 很多人都出现。。 我和他也好像没什么事情发生， 有说话。。

看到每个人都开开心心的享受。。。 有说有笑。。

不过给我还是有点尴尬， 所以只好享受我喜欢烤bbq的过程， 也没什么吃东西。。

说真的， 自己是希望可以和他们一起到bbq结束。 可是有朋友要来我家过夜， 还是要提早回。。

看到他那么开心，自己也开心和认为一切都值得的。 心里也认为果然我选择相信他这个兄弟是没错的。

After that, i msg him after the party, asked how's the party going on and ++

well... he said thanks you for today to me...

It's kinda surprise that i read this message.. it's shock me and i felt what i did are worth...

I felt happy when reading this message...

The party quite successful and also need thanks to LiangZai....

Thinking wanna ask him for dinner on his b'day? but still scare...

scare to face him? or scare both of us 尴尬？

Btw, the babi he made, really delicious ..

Well, knowing both of us should be ok to be friend back, but still scare to find him out to yum cha...

That night, don't know why i dream we two become best friend back and hanging out with friends together ...

Yesterday - Friday night.. don't know why suddenly emo, i though i already wake up and stand up, but i realise that i still can't let go or can't accept we became like this .. ..

But so far after i woke up... i refresh myself again cause nobody like emo' people...

damn two stupid rascal

damn fck today

Gaduh with 2 Malay motor rider at roadside ... damn stupid acting like gangster... oOo ask me remember their face wor.. fuck off
when i inside car, they shout like dog... i park at roadside and come out wait them.. Two of them like not dare to say much...

Notice something.. my both hand keep shaking non-stop sometimes..

hard to control my hand =.=''

donno is my hand too tired or what ....

- 27. Octorber 2011

today mom ask me why i become thin ki =.=''

just 1-2 weeks didnt see me then i thin so much ...

just reply her im sick lo...

then she told me last time i fat so much .... but now suddenly thin so fast =.=''

haha...

today kap lui at badminton court.. a girl wearing a mini skirt .... yum yum ...

haizz... hard disk recovery ... rm2k =.=''

no idea, lucky sis willing to pay 800 for me... the rest i had to settle myself...

and a good news is they wan sponser me rm400 to get ipad2 ^^ ..

next month gonna be busy life ... cause may be want take my sister de work lai do as my part time...

his bday almost near, still confusing should i attend or not?

bcoz scare face him , both of us might 尴尬 .. or scare he still angry me n spoil his mood ..

but other say, where got organizer didnt attend =.='' since he know i will be there, will be okay bah...

right also ... so i give a try, just do part of my job as an organizer can edi...

read a status updates from facebook of my friend today... it said about soulmate..

and suddenly think dao, when we going cameron highland, me n him talk about soulmate..

he said we seem like soulmate n quite close ... that why we always synchro =.=''

this the status my friend post :

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. Our soulmate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we’re two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we’ve found the right person. Our soulmate is the one who makes life come to life.

- o0o

sien this family...

tot parents and 2nd sis back from Australia.. have a nice travel ....

manatau , when i reach home, heard mom complain to 4th sister about my 2nd sister...

order steak ar... drink wine ar... this n that ar...

WTF? ur daughter are in good life that why can be so enjoy...

She fight for her education and work.. this is what she should deserved...

Everyday listen dao argue argue and argue .... dulan

damn hate family members quarrel or complain this n that.. why so mind for it? we are one family !!!

终感觉， 只想听到一句。。 原谅你。

- dulan de day

Finally my laptop is back...

But something i lost, it wont be back...

but all of these will save inside my memory ....

i don't know when i might forget it but i still try my best not to forget about it...

Blog is just like my dairy, i write everything inside because it's what i felt from my bottom of my heart.... It's a true feeling and emotion ....

Today my old worker slap me =.=''

It's like joke n slap me.... although its not pain ... but i got a kind of feeling he wanted to do it hardly..

really pissed me off... did he respect me ? im always good with them ... but this is what i reserved...

Went to injection for 2nd times today... kena charge rm200... diu, last time i ask them izziz pay one time enuf... they said yes.. wtf now says every inject must pay rm200 =.=''

Don't know why, i feel like im still the cheerful person...

Although im so depress now, but hanging out with my friends.... i look at them.... also got relationship problem, i become talk more and making fun with them... try to cheer them up..

But after finish the date with them, i felt down.... Do i really need to care to a person that's not care about me?

People keep influence me with this sentence.... But, i don't know why... i still trying to trust and believe in him ... He got his situation ... and i know his pattern like... always dont show out what he felt ... sometime show that he is cold , but inside actually are warm and full of caring ...

So i also trying to stand up myself, cause i realise that so many friends are care me so much and worry about me.... sometime will message / phone me ask how am i recently, doing well and so on ... thanks...

god bless me i can recover my harddisk ... if not im gonna pay rm1.8k to recover my harddisk..

厌食的日子， 只好天天看有关食物的anime, - 中华厨师， 日式面包王。。 看完了， 今天去量体重。。。 67kg 了。 增加了2 kg ^^

- bad luck .... rest in peace...

using friend's macbook pro and writting my blog...
why? my laptop blackout, operation system not found...
after check, its my harddisk problem =.='' cannot initialize... wtf...

the staff at computer shop said, i can make harddisk recovery but need to pay RM1,8k ..
i think im gonna pay for it to recover my staff..
the note from my blog, the photo of me and my bros... are so important for me...
it's my only last memories with him, i dont want to lost it ...
and my external harddisk got no back-up of these...
please la god, dont play me le... it's the last memory for me... dont took it away from me...


why im so bad luck? come to office trying to use office desktop... and that desktop black out and cannot be open again. !!!!!o.O!!

- Wake up call

well.. thing happen so long and i also tired already...
Everything past, just let it be and im lazy and dont want to mention it again...
Once mention back, i get hurt and depress again...

Just start all over again.. Like how we met first time...
It will be more relax for you i think ....
Hope two of us will really put down the past and walk forward to future with new mindset / image
i also no wan to argue which right who fault , its not important now...
just to say im truly deeply sorry for everything.. i willing to take all these blame and hope that can get your forgiveness ..
and thanks for all these month n everything... i did appreciate it and will never forget about the goods.

平常心面对。。。开心的面对。。微笑是最好的方法。。。 大家来笑一个。。

GOGOGO.... tomorrow onward.... fight for my future....

- wtf i met something

look like i shouldnt go out last nite ... in a raining and drive for nothing in sp.... unfortunally .....
i saw a girl with long hair and bloody red dress at road side... WTF I SAW GHOST !!!
it's prove that im very unlucky these day lolz...

Blog is the only way for me to say out my sadness but ..... ...........
Then who would like be my listener?
im human.. i also got feeling...

- Hug daddy .... Love you so much daddy ...

It's has more than 10 years i didn't hug my dad...
This morning, i hug my dad and telling him thanks daddy taking care me so much when im sick...
Sorry to make him worry for me these weeks ...

I realise that, im like my dad...
We love each other and also other family members...
We don't show it out ...
Friends always say i put my friends more than family in my heart...
May be for them, i agree this....
But the important thing i know is , i care both side much ...
I don't know how to show my love to family members ...

But i will always be there, protecting them...
Stand out when they need me ...
I felt touch and cry because dad are so care and worry about me ...
I never felt this care from him for many years ....

Due to mum went to Indonesia weeks ago ....
The life in this house only me and my dad ...
I hanging out with dad to watch - Nasi Lemak 2.0 and having dinner together...
Wondering .... 10 more days ...
Left 10 more days.... Dad and mum going to Australia for 2 weeks ...
I gonna be home alone ... Alone without any people around me...

- The day Rocky aka PuppyZai back UK

29. September 2011 Thursday . Day Light.

Today, Rocky is going back for his studies ...
thanks for him coming back this year ... thanks for his time spending with us for dota / haingout / movie and etc ...

Me and Xin Wei gonna give him a surprise ...
I went to facebook download rocky's photo and Xin Wei choose for it ...
She edit the photo and sentence ... and put in a photo album for him ...
We wan make Rocky feel touch and cry ... haha.. we r so bad ya ^^

After this , seem not enough for me.. So i plan to edit a photo video clip for him ...
I use those photo in the album and create the sentence...
Choosing the song are really make me headache ...
Cause those song , make me emo and feel down ...

why? cause he's leaving very soon and i will be alone in sp ...
im scare of the lonely feeling ...

I cant slp for whole night and i slept around 7am++
Afternoon 4pm+ went to fetch Rocky / Dolphin and Yin Neng ...
we send Rocky to Penang Airport and meet up Xin Wei and Eng Keat and 2 more friends there..

Rocky said he's so glad everyone are going and farewell to him ... All his true friends are there ..
He felt touch and so happy ...
We had our McD dinner there ..
Sure i wont let him pay ... i treat him the last meal in Malaysia ...
When we gave him the photo album and a card that full of our signs ...
He's so surprise ...
Before he leaving, all of us take photo together ....

Don't know why i dont feel sad or lonely when he's leaving...
but i felt im happy cause he's going to fight for his future... finally he's grow up and mature.. .
and i really happy cause his face showed that he's very happy and smile always ..
This like the rocky i knew be4.. always smile ..

After he leaving , i saw a girl name Wan Xin i think ... She cried... I know she's sad but she didnt show out ... That moment, i really feel down le ... Its sad to seperate with someone important to you...

Rocky he didnt cry .. Xin Wei said our mission failed.. but i saw rocky's eyes are red le .. So i think he endure the tears and might cry in the plane...

That night i facebook asked Rocky ... franky to tell me did he cry..
haha , he said he endure the tears and cry in the plane.. like what i thought ...
Nothing i can lie to him and nothing he can lie to me.. our heart are connected....
He's really my best bro ... To the best Rocky ... Will be there for u anytime when u need ...